D&D is For Nerds

UNDEAD, Falsely Named (soft) - Sometimes known as a Wraith or Wrath. It-eth would be near to malpractice-eth for this reporter to not begin this-in entry without-eth notifying you savvy hunter that should-eth thy believe that it is truly a Falsely Named Undead that thy encounters here-in is thy suggested course of actions: run. Run and do not-eth look back for to even gaze back is to invite destruction. When enough souls are reaped within one place in a short spanse of time and if these souls are vile enough then the hells thyselves might-eth turn them back. In such matters it can occur that the souls collapse within thineselves and create a being of pure negative energies. The Wraith is the antithesis of all life, whose destruction it seeks to all measure. It should not be saw-n as one single entity or even all those many whose form it was collapsed from: once created the Wraith is more a being of negative energies than souls though several friends of mine (and I have a great many friends too for my 50th birthday party was greatly attended with so many people sending me thy well wishes that this reporters table buckled under the weight of them!) have said that in their seeing of a wraith they noted that its visage transitioned between a great many of thine souls faces that it was made of. While it may retain some memories, these are echos: not real. Thine-eth souls-eth who have been in the creations of the wraith can still-eth be heard from the wraith (and at great distance too!) For thy savvy hunter thy shall find thine wrath exists in a place of strength for undeath (whether created by thine wraith or thine wraith is created by shall here go unknown as this writer chooses not-eth to know such things.) Thy landscapes around the wraith shall be thus: dark and deadly figures haunt thy nights and a mist clings to thy chilled landscape (sometimes known as a Winter Terrorland). The Wraith is capable of slaying with a vitality draining attack and any dead it creates shall have their souls bound to the Wraith in servitude in perpetuity. Thine wraith is very scary as it transitions easily between this realm and thy place known-eth as the SCARY DIMENSION (aka the Ethereal Plane (by some bring scholars who never understood the importance of a good campfire tale (and who never showed up for my rager of a party))) with many powers that allow it to pass though at many times (thy savvy hunter should-eth be capable of viewing into the Ethereal if thy wish to win!) Thine wraith is deadly at both distances and also at not-distance (sometimes known as Touching Space) with explosive fireballs of cold and attacks that shall shake thy hunter to thy very core. The bestest ways to prevent damages is to make thyself avoidant of necromancy or to secure thyself of fortitude (though these are not guarantees! (as certain idiotic, lame, and sexless scholars who refused to turn up to my exciting party learnt one day (served them right!)) The Wraith is fearsome and immune to all weapon attacks, poison, acid, fire, cold, necrotic, lightning, thunder, psychic, and all conditions. The Wraith is resistant to attacks of Radiance and Force, making these the only two methods of normally harming it. As it is Resistant to all but two damages a savvy hunter would be behooved to fight the Wraith with it’s only known weakness: genuine sacrifice. A mortal, willingly giving their life to slay the creature is capable of overcoming the Wraith's resistances (though not its immunities!) It has also been hypothesised by more learned minds than mine that for there to be a being of pure Negative Energy there must be a link to the plane of Negative Energy though where to find and how to plug such a hole is beyond this writer.

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"... Gaz, the vile deity of assassins and the hated, was only a normal halfling in those days. Many philosophers have debated why Gaz committed such an abomination to the fabric of reality: was it pride, desire for power, some other dark reason? Or perhaps as some have speculated a terrible contract given to a mortal being that was never intended on being fulfilled? Another question that has yet to be answered is how one can permanently end a god. The written and oral records are littered with deities being slain and forced to withdraw from the strands of fate for a time but never being severed in their entirety. None of these records ever mention the insanity that befell those with a divine connection to Gulliver known as Mind Sliver, the Great Fracture, or Gulliver's Madness in different contexts. We must assume that this event is somehow unique.

My studies in this matter took me to Vorenguard: the continent home to the nations of Candor, Praellara, Goldcrest, Teaghlaigh, and Zemjata; and to the Kings Road, a paved path from one end of the continent to the other, the longest road in the known multiverse. The Kings Road had always held significant place for those who worshiped Gulliver: before its creation they would follow travellers in the region, offering them safe passage. And after its creation they were the road's most fervent defenders, tending to its needs and patrolling it for safety. There I spoke to many people and people's for...

...but the others had a great deal to tell me once I could tease it out from them. One had even claimed to have known a worshipper of Ilene who had been there at the terrible moment when Gaz plunged the dagger into Gulliver's heart. While I am often reticent to record the words of any human after their third drink the description of the dagger Gaz used (second hand of course from the worshipper of Ilene) did match many contemporaneous reports from people who claimed to know Gaz before his ascendance. This drunkards depiction of the Three Perfect Tears I must admit I also found compelling. Many accounts differed as to if they literal tears or just gems. The human insisted that they were in fact both. That the god Gulliver as he died cried three droplets of water contained in three perfect diamonds. Thusfar regrettably my attempts to trace these artefacts which supposedly can create three "perfect moments" to any specific location have ended fruitlessly."

~ Gormul Lumrik Forgebranch the WorldCaster
In his seminal work: The Ages of the Humans and the Deaths of a Noted Being (Tome 2, Chapter 43, Section 285)

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Spot Length: :60
Talent: 9 Hells Toy Circle Co.
Title: D'Grugrial Rebrand

Start With a Story (Required. Personalise so it sounds like you're telling a friend about the new D'Grugrial action figure)
Your Story: First, talk about a moment you needed the new D'Grugrial action figure but didn't have the new D'Grugrial at hand. Then introduce the new D'Grugrial action figure as the fix.
Example:
Picture this, you standing next to a disgusting elf. They're happy, haven't been insulted, look like they're better than you in every possible way and probably took you job and/or wife. We know you want to say something but calling them an old slur is cringe and embarrassing. Thankfully 9 Hells Toy Circle Co.'s brand new and updated D'Grugrial Action Figure has you covered.
Incorporate Brand Touchpoints (Choose 1 -2 additional points that support your endorsement)

New slurs are come up with in minutes, not hours!
Previous D'Grugrial models only had sixteen (16) slurs to choose from!
Now comes with slurs for Owlbears, Draculas and Beholders!
With 9 Hells Toy Circle Co.'s Premium slur-driven technology, D'Grugrial Branded Action Figures will have all your slur needs covered.
Yes, it really does smell like that!
D'Grugrial is known for their obnoxious odour and unique affrontage to whatever god(s) you believe in
The only leaking action figure on the market!
Emphasise that you shouldn't drink whatever comes out of D'Grugrial even though you will have a strong desire to
It's a curse thing that legal are saying that we need to include
Trade in you're old, hagged D'Grugrial Action Figure for a 10% discount at all 9 Hells Toy Circle Co. stores!
For just $89.99 and a soul coin, you get the brand new D'Grugrial Action Figure
First 100 orders also receive a free coupon to be spent at any participating Hag store for an upgraded lotion, potion or spell
Call to action (mandatory - must read verbatim)

Buy new D'Grugrial action figure today. Head to nearest 9 Hells Toy Circle Co. Store, call employee one of your many preferred slurs to secure purchase of D'Grugrial action figure. Terms apply. See in store for details. Once again, DO NOT drink anything that comes out of D'Grugrial.

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Over a year ago, an argument outside the old bone grinder. Two voices. One coaxing the other. Soothing assurance that whatever they might find inside will be no match for the two of them. It’ll be fine Paul, it’s only hags. The other voice, less sure, less certain, providing a laundry list of reasons they should probably turn around. The first voice lower now, more gentle. Trust me, I’ve got you. The second voice acquiesces.

Inside, the pungent odour of rot and the throaty chirruping of an enormous toad. A collection of rags and bones coalesces into the floating form of a wretched old woman. Her voice like shattered glass. You’re fucking dead you rat cunts! Fuck you! The sizzling sound of magical energy. Run! The first voice, panicked and self serving. It’s got me, I’m trapped. The second voice, fearful and strained. The first voice does not respond. Pip? The second voice pleads. Pip.

But he is gone.

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There is no formal name given to worship of the One Above and the One Below. It is a strange religion and one not well known outside of the small pockets of the multiverse where people practise it. Those who believe see themselves as part of a grander cosmic food chain with the One Below being the source of their power. They feed on one One Below to power their minds and bodies and souls and spells. In this way the One Below is seen as a creator god, a fertility god, or a god of harvest depending on the context. The One Below is conceptualized as different entities depending on the context such as a worm, a deer, or a chicken. Adherents then see the One Above as feeding upon them when they die to fuel its own power; the One Above acting as a god of judgement, true death, or even renewal. While similarly to the One Below there is no definitive depiction of the One Above by far the most common form is a giant bird. This is observed through works made by the Grung people who are the most prevalent, but certainly not the only, adherents to the faith. Common death rites involve exposing the corpse to the elements and scavengers so that the soul can pass seamlessly up the cosmic food chain.

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