BraveCo Podcast

On this episode of the BraveCo Podcast, I'm joined by my great friend Cole Zick, director of Moral Revolution alongside his wife, for our monthly conversation about what it actually means to be a man. This time we're tackling a topic most guys avoid talking about out loud: managing your sex drive. Cole and I get into why so many men in ministry and in everyday life are frustrated by their sex drive and even afraid of it, and we make the case that God didn't give you that drive as a curse to manage but as a gift with a real purpose behind it, one built to point you toward your spouse, the one person in your life you actually get to choose.

We go deep on what it looks like to train that appetite well, comparing it to learning to manage desires for money, cars, and comfort long before marriage even enters the picture, and we get surprisingly direct about what the Bible does and doesn't say about masturbation, including an unexpected Old Testament verse that shows God cared enough about this appetite to draw hard lines around it a long time ago. Cole also opens up about his own story, ten years of a sexually active marriage followed by a divorce that took him overnight to zero, and the blunt advice a mentor gave him about staying clean until he remarried. From there we talk honestly about how much harder purity gets for single men, the loneliness that comes with it, and why setting your expectations ahead of time changes everything.

We close out with some of the most practical tools in the whole conversation: how a dopamine detox, through fasting, exercise, and real human connection, can reset a brain that's been leaning on quick hits for too long, why owning your insecurity out loud with the people you're dating matters more than hiding it, and why building a group of men who are actually pursuing strength alongside you is the difference-maker Cole keeps coming back to. If you've ever felt like something is wrong with you because of your sex drive, I hope this conversation helps you see it differently. Thanks for listening, guys, stay brave, and we'll see you next week.

Chapters:
00:00 – Why Men Fear Their Sex Drive 
06:15 – God's Vision for Sex: Your Spouse Is the One You Choose 
12:33 – Self-Servicing vs. Real Intimacy With Your Wife 
18:43 – Training Your Appetite Young: Lessons in Managing Desire 
25:03 – Does the Bible Talk About Masturbation? 
31:14 – From 10 Years Active to Zero Overnight: Cole's Divorce Story
37:31 – Fighting for Purity as a Single Man 
43:43 – The Dopamine Detox: Fasting, Exercise, and Connection 
49:59 – The Vulnerable Text: Owning Your Own Insecurity 
56:20 – Building a Brotherhood of Real Accountability
CONNECT WITH BRAVECO
Join Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.org
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.men
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/
Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/
ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

This week on the podcast, I brought on my favorite guest of all time: my mom. I wanted to sit down with her and dig into some of the wildest stories from my childhood, the ones I've never really told on this show before, starting with the night a demon-possessed teenager showed up at our home group and my parents accidentally launched a deliverance ministry that would define our family for years. My mom walks me through it in her own words, along with the story of Tracy Evans, a missionary who survived being shot at, shipwrecked, and hunted in the Philippines, and who later brought a young woman, the spiritual daughter of Anton LaVey, to live in our house.

From there we get into some of the most intense moments of my upbringing: a manifestation that turned violent and sent my mom running for her life, my sister Jamie's terrifying medical crisis when she started having seizures as a kid, and the time my two older sisters, ages 12 and 14, were sent to smuggle Bibles into Communist China, one of them getting interrogated for hours and the other getting separated from her group in the middle of the night. My mom also opens up about the hardest financial season of their lives, losing their business, owing 1.8 million dollars, and watching God provide through a string of miracles that included a banker forgiving their debt in tears.

We close the conversation talking about her Parkinson's diagnosis seven years ago and how she refused to let it define her, choosing instead to go elk hunting at 500 yards, harvest a black bear with a crossbow, and keep showing up for life instead of shrinking back. This episode is really a tribute to her, to her faith, her grit, and the way she and my dad lived out the gospel in real, messy, unglamorous ways long before it was something either of them had figured out. If this episode encourages you, give your own mom a call, and if you enjoyed it, like, comment, subscribe, and share it with someone who needs to hear it. Stay brave.

Chapters:
00:00 – Meet My Mom 
06:36 – The Night Deliverance Ministry Was Born 
13:14 – Taking In Anton LaVey's Daughter
19:54 – Growing Up Surrounded by Angels and Demons 
26:31 – When "Susan" Turned Violent
33:13 – My Sister's Terrifying Seizure and a Demonic Attack 
39:51 – Smuggling Bibles Into Communist China as Kids 
46:28 – Leaving Weaverville and Losing Everything in Bankruptcy 
53:05 – The Miracle That Saved Us From $1.8 Million in Debt 
59:41 – Parkinson's, Hunting Adventures, and a Tribute to Mom
CONNECT WITH BRAVECO
Join Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.org
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.men
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/
Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/
ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

If you've ever felt overwhelmed, triggered, or flooded by your emotions and reached for every tool in the book to regulate them, this episode is for me as much as it's for you. As a pastor and counselor, I talk a lot about self-awareness, objectivity, and positive self-talk, and those tools genuinely matter. But in this episode I want to hand you something bigger than a tool: a complete shift in how you interpret the season you're in. I walk through what I imagine an hour-long coaching session with God would sound like, and why a man whose faith has never been tested is a weak man. Using James 1 as a life verse, I break down why endurance, whether physical, emotional, or spiritual, is the only real process for growing into a stronger, more mature man.

From there I get into the gym metaphor I use constantly with the guys in my life: nobody goes to the gym and calls themselves weak because the weights feel heavy. Resistance is the whole point. I talk about Jocko Willink's "Good" mindset, why we've been sold propaganda that life is supposed to be easy, and how living from a place of victory beats fighting for victory every single day. Then I get into the second, and honestly more foundational, key: how you see God. I dig into the moment Jesus was baptized and the Father declared, "This is my son in whom I am well pleased," before Jesus had performed a single miracle, and what that means for those of us who think we have to earn God's love through performance.

I close out the episode with the great exchange from Philippians 4, trading our anxiety for God's peace, and why rejoicing isn't denial but actually a "cheat mode" that puts us into testimony mode, the spirit of prophecy that gives other people hope. I finish with a prayer over every man and woman listening, especially those carrying wounds from an absent father or a hard past, that this would be a season of breakthrough and restoration. If this episode encourages you, I'd love for you to rate, review, and share it with someone who needs it. Stay brave.

Chapters:
00:00 – Welcome
03:02 – The Life Hack That Beats Every Emotional Regulation Tool 
06:11 – Built Up, Not Broken Down
09:14 – The Gym Metaphor
12:19 – Living From Victory Instead of Fighting for It 
15:20 – The Second Key
18:23 – What Jesus's Baptism Teaches Us About God's Love 
21:25 – Practical Steps to a Deeper Connection With God 
24:35 – The Great Exchange
27:36 – A Prayer for Breakthrough and Restoration
CONNECT WITH BRAVECO
Join Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.org
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.men
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/
Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/
ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

I sit down with Dr. Margaret Nagib, a clinical psychologist and one of my most trusted friends, for a conversation I've wanted to have for a long time: how do you actually work through anxiety and depression as a man? Margaret breaks down why so many of us are struggling right now, from information overload to unprocessed childhood trauma, and explains what's really happening in your body and brain when you hit your window of tolerance. We get into the COVID season specifically, including her own story of telling God "I'm done" with the news, and how that moment shaped the way she now helps her clients regulate their emotions.

The heart of this episode is a tool Margaret taught me that genuinely changed my life: recognize, relabel, refocus. I share exactly how I used radical thankfulness to pull myself out of anxiety spirals during one of the hardest seasons of my life, tapering off medication I'd been on for eight years while caring for a newborn. Margaret explains why fighting anxious thoughts only makes them louder, why distraction is actually a healthy tool, and why "it's not me, it's anxiety" became the phrase that finally let me detach from the spiral instead of getting swept up in it.

We also go deep on depression, including the medical side I didn't expect, like a severe vitamin D deficiency that mimicked major depressive symptoms, and I open up about a recent surgery that triggered a spiral of hopelessness I had to consciously fight my way out of. Margaret closes with the psychology of hope, the story of the rats who kept swimming, and why every man needs a "hope holder" in his life when he can't hold onto hope himself. If you've ever felt like anxiety or depression was something only you were dealing with, this conversation is for you.

Chapters:
0:00 – Meet Dr. Margaret Nagib
6:04 – COVID Overload: When the News Became Too Much
12:06 – Why Men Are Taught to Suppress Their Emotions
18:07 – Anxiety Isn't a Problem to Solve, It's a Spiral to Exit
24:12 – Avoidance, Trauma, and Why We Run From Emotion
30:14 – The Power of Radical Thankfulness to Break Anxiety
36:15 – Mapping Your Anxiety Triggers Before They Hit
42:20 – Vitamin D, Medication, and the Medical Side of Depression
48:21 – Jason's Surgery Story: Catching Depression Before It Spirals
54:27 – Agency, Hope, and Finding Your "Hope Holder"

Dr. Margaret Nagib is a speaker, author, and clinical Psychologist. In this episode, Jay and Margaret explain how to deal with anxiety and depression. You will be better equipped to respond to your triggers and regulate your emotions.

Episode Notes:
- We experience anxiety and depression when we are beyond our capacity to cope.
- One of the most powerless feelings for a man is wanting to help someone without knowing how to help them.
- Avoidance is a symptom of trauma
- Hope is the overall perception that a goal can be met
- A person filled with hope has high agency (belief in yourself) and multiple pathways (ways to get where you want to go)

Margaret's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/margaretnagib/
CONNECT WITH BRAVECO
Join Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.org
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.men
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/
Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/
ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

This week I brought on my good friend Cole, who's raising three boys and a daughter, to dig into something that's been on my heart for a long time: how do we actually turn a boy into a man? We get into the real, practical side of fatherhood, from a flag football cheating scandal that turned into a life lesson on his sideline, to the conversation I had with my own son about learning to think and problem-solve instead of having every issue solved for him. Cole and I talk about how "becoming a man" isn't a single moment, it's language and intentionality threaded through everyday interactions, from sports to chores to the hard conversations nobody wants to have.

We also get into why so many kids today grow up feeling unnecessary instead of needed, tracing the shift from the agricultural age, where a child's contribution literally put food on the table, all the way to today's information age, where kids can go their whole childhood without ever feeling essential to the family. I share the story of building what we call a family "ethos," teaching my kids what it means to be a Valentin, and how identity like that shapes behavior far more than rules ever could. And then I get real about one of the hardest seasons of my life as a dad: the moment my 17-year-old son decided to move out because he wanted more responsibility, and what happened over the year that followed, spaghetti dinners, blown budgets, and all.

This conversation isn't about having it all figured out. It's about being willing to pay the personal price it takes to disciple your kids well, even when it costs you a practice, a peaceful evening, or your own comfort. If you're a dad in the thick of raising boys, or even if your kids are grown and you're wondering how you can still show up for the young men around you, this episode is for you. And don't forget, our Foundations of Masculinity course and our Sexuality and Relationships course are both completely free at braveco.org. Thanks for listening, and we'll see you next week.

Chapters:
00:00 - Intro: Why Masculinity Matters Today
02:00 - The Role of a Father in Training Sons
05:10 - Teaching Responsibility: A Father’s Approach
08:35 - Sports as a Tool for Life Lessons
13:20 - How Vision Shapes Responsibility in Young Men
16:40 - Creating a Family Ethos
22:15 - Sacrifice as a Parent: The Cost of Discipleship
30:00 - Letting Your Kids Learn Through Challenges
36:10 - Navigating Tough Conversations with Teens
42:00 - Free Tools to Support Fathers and Mentors

Connect with Cole Zick:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/colezick/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/cczick
CONNECT WITH BRAVECO
Join Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.org
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.men
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/
Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/
ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.