Feeding to Sleep

• When You Know It’s Normal… But It Still Feels Really Hard

  Hi, I’m Jess. Welcome back to Feeding to Sleep, where we talk about biologically normal baby sleep, responsive nights, and what it really feels like to care for a little one day and night.In this episode, I’m sharing a story I nearly didn’t record. It’s raw, it’s recent, and it’s honest.Over the past few weeks, we went through a tough patch with my baby’s sleep he was waking every hour, rolling, pinching, teething, sickness… all of it. And I found myself waking up full of rage.Which then brought on the guilt: I know this is normal, I talk about it all the time, why can’t I cope better?In this episode I talk about:* What this season looked like for us* The moment I realised there was nothing I could “fix”* What actually helped me feel more resourced* Why not all support feels supportive (and how to spot the difference)* How I’m doing now that we’ve come through the other sideIf you’re in it right now too, I want you to know this: you’re not doing anything wrong. This isn’t about having all the answers. Sometimes what helps most is just knowing that you’re not alone.Here’s the Q&A I talked about in the episode with @jillianmothers on Instagram.Have you been through a hard time with sleep at this age (10–14 months)? What helped you feel more supported? I’d Hit reply or leave a comment so we can keep this conversation going.With love + support,JessP.S. If your baby’s sleep feels harder right now than it did a few months ago, you’re not doing anything wrong. Some seasons ask more of us and that doesn’t mean you’re failing. It just means you might need a little more care too. Get full access to Feeding to Sleep at feedingtosleep.substack.com/subscribe

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• The Midnight Scroll: When Sleep Training Gets Rebranded as Healing

  This week’s episode, I’m responding to a Reel (and the full YouTube video behind it) where a doctor lays out a strict sleep training plan and claims it’s not just about sleep, it’s about healing generational trauma.But here’s what’s actually being advised:* A rigid, clock-based routine: same wake time, same naps, same bedtime every day.* Wake your baby up if they fall asleep in your arms so you can put them down "awake."* Let them cry for 20 to 30 minutes repeatedly.* And if that’s hard for you? That’s your trauma. Not your instincts.And I just… no.In this episode, I talk about why this messaging is not healing, it’s pressure. Why I believe healing doesn’t come from withdrawing love or ignoring a crying baby.And why your discomfort isn’t proof that you’re broken, it’s proof that you care.Receive new posts about biologically normal baby sleep and feeding and consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Here’s what I dive into in this episode:* Why letting your baby cry isn’t a parenting skill* How maternal instincts are being dismissed as emotional dysfunction* The deeply gendered and outdated history of mainstream sleep training* What the science actually says about how mothers and fathers respond to infant cries* Why healing can look like cuddling, feeding, rocking, and following your baby’s cues* And a personal story about how responsive parenting helped me begin to heal my own childhood woundsReferenced in this episode:Neuroscience of parental response to crying:* Parsons et al., 2016: Mothers show increased activity in emotional regulation and empathy regions in response to baby cries (Social Neuroscience).* Abraham et al., 2014: Mothers’ and fathers’ brains activate differently, mothers with emotional regulation, fathers more with logic and problem-solving (PNAS).Historical context:* Dr. Emmett Holt (1894) and Dr. Richard Ferber (1980s) popularized rigid, non-responsive sleep training methods. Both men. Neither developed these ideas from hands-on caregiving.Closing quote from:The Nurture Revolution by Dr. Greer Kirshenbaum“In order to build a brain that is resilient, healthy, and able to withstand adversity later in life, babies need brain-nurturing experiences while they are developing.”If you’ve ever felt like your instincts were the problem… they’re not.Responding to your baby is not weak.Wanting to hold them, comfort them, or keep them close is not trauma.It’s connection.It’s caregiving.It’s the work of real healing.With love + support,JessFeeding to SleepP.S. Have you seen this kind of messaging online lately? Did it make you feel confused, frustrated, or even a little judged? You’re not alone. I’d love to hear your thoughts—drop them in the comments or reply to this email.This post is not medical advice. Get full access to Feeding to Sleep at feedingtosleep.substack.com/subscribe

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  9:42
• The Midnight Scroll: Separating Feeding and Sleeping Doesn’t Make Sense

  This week’s episode is about a post that I came across that says “separating feeding and sleeping is an important ingredient in infant sleep.”And while the post does mention that it might not apply to newborns, the overall message still pushes the idea that:“if your baby is eating, they should be awake. If they’re sleeping, they shouldn’t be eating.”Except… that’s just not how babies work.Receive new posts about biologically normal baby sleep and feeding and consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Feeding and sleeping have always been closely linked for babies. It’s built into their biology, their brains, and our bodies. Suckling helps babies settle. Night feeds support your milk supply. And yes babies of all ages can and do feed or comfort nurse while drifting in and out of sleep. That’s not something that needs to be “fixed.”Trying to separate the two too early can cause so much unnecessary stress. It often leads parents to feel like they’re doing something wrong for letting their baby fall asleep while nursing, or for using the breast as a tool to soothe, when in reality, that’s one of the most natural and time-tested ways to help a baby sleep.In this episode, I talk through what I saw, why it frustrated me, and what I want you to know if you’ve come across advice like this that left you second-guessing yourself.You’re not spoiling your baby. You’re not missing some secret method.You’re just parenting a real baby in the real world and you’re not doing it wrong if your baby still needs to feed at night.With love + support,JessFeeding to SleepP.S. Have you seen this kind of messaging online lately? Did it make you feel confused, frustrated, or even a little judged? You’re not alone. I’d love to hear your thoughts—drop them in the comments or reply to this email.This post is not medical advice. Get full access to Feeding to Sleep at feedingtosleep.substack.com/subscribe

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  5:39
• Sacred Sleep: A Course That Supported Me When My Baby’s Sleep Felt Hard

  I’ve never taken a course to support myself with baby sleep, only courses to help me support other mothers with their baby’s sleep.But I’d been having a bit of a hard time with my baby’s sleep, so I decided it was time to try some support for myself. When I saw this course was being offered by Brittany, I had to sign up. I’ve been following her work since 2023, and she’s one of the few people supporting mothers with biologically normal baby sleep who truly inspired me to do the same.I signed up for Sacred Sleep, a 9-week program created by Brittany Chambers of @goodnightmoonchild and honestly, I’m so happy I did.I wanted to share my raw, unedited reflection on what it was like to be in a space made for mothers like me- navigating sleep with responsiveness, contact naps, bedsharing, and all the things that don’t fit the “mainstream”.This wasn’t a fix-it-all program.It was support.Reassurance.Nervous system education.Community.And a space that helped me feel a little more grounded through a really tired season.I found so much value in this course.I know the basics of baby sleep, I support other parents with it, and I still needed that reminder, that education, and that community for me.If you’ve been thinking about investing in support but you’re not sure if it’s “worth it”, I get it. But the right kind of support doesn’t try to fix your baby.It helps you feel more confident, more grounded and more understood.And that can change everything.If you’re curious about what it’s like, I share it all in this episode.You can listen to it here and if Sacred Sleep sounds like something that might support you too, here’s the link to check it out:It’s an affiliate link but I only share things I’ve personally tried and truly found helpful.I hope this episode helps you feel more confident about accessing support when you need it.You’re doing such important work.With love + support,JessP.S. If you’re in a hard sleep season right now, you’re not doing it wrong and there is support out there that aligns with what you value as a mother and parent.Feeding to Sleep is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to Feeding to Sleep at feedingtosleep.substack.com/subscribe

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  5:00
• The Midnight Scroll: Taking Care of Separation Anxiety

  “We’re not going to start any new habits, because it could turn a small bump in the road into a huge sleep problem.”I heard this quote in a Reel from a very popular baby sleep consultant, the kind whose programs are even being offered by employers and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.This week on The Midnight Scroll, I’m talking about separation anxiety, “bad habits” and the fear-based messaging that pops up everywhere in the baby sleep world.The consultant featured in this video uses the term “gentle sleep training” but just to be clear, that’s her marketing language, not mine. Personally, I don’t find these methods gentle at all, and they don’t align with what I believe babies or parents truly need.The video that sparked this conversation came from a post by Reclamation Postpartum you can check it out here: It brought the issue back into focus for me, and I knew I had to talk about it.Because here’s the thing…Sometimes, your baby just needs you.And starting something new like rocking them again, feeding them on the couch instead of the bed, cuddling a little longer, isn’t you making a mistake. It’s you responding.In this episode, I’m sharing:* Why these “don’t start any new habits” messages can feel so heavy when you’re already in the thick of it* A personal story about how my 1-year-old’s bedtime needs changed (and what we did instead)* Why I believe in responsive care, especially during big developmental shifts* And how “habits” aren’t always the problem, we just need to reframe what we think they meanBabies grow. Their needs change. And your rhythms will shift too. That’s not a failure. That’s parenting.Episode 3 is up now listen on Substack, Spotify, or Apple.Let me know what’s worked for you during these kinds of changes, I’d love to hear.With love + support,JessFeeding to SleepNote: This podcast is not medical advice. Get full access to Feeding to Sleep at feedingtosleep.substack.com/subscribe

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