It's Not About the Alcohol

In this episode, Colleen names something most women have never been taught to do: have a relationship with themselves.
Not self-improvement. Not fixing. Not managing behavior.
Actual relationship.
Because when you don't know who you are, what you want, or how to meet your own needs, alcohol steps in and fills that space.
Colleen walks through why so many women reach midlife feeling disconnected, uncertain, and dependent on escape—and how that's not a personal failure, it's conditioning.
You were taught how to be good.
You were never taught how to know yourself.
And emotional sobriety isn't just about removing the drink.
It's about rebuilding that internal connection so you don't need it.


🔑 Key Takeaways
Why drinking becomes the default when you don't know what you want

How identity gets shaped by conditioning, not conscious choice

The concept of becoming both the giver and receiver of your own attention

Why most relationships feel unfulfilling (and what's actually missing)

How disconnection from self creates loneliness—even when you're not alone

The shift from seeking needs externally → sourcing them internally

Practical ways to start building a relationship with yourself


If you're tired of feeling trapped and tired of drinking just to feel relief, then Click Here To Book A Call With Us.
 
Find me on:
YouTube: @HangoverWhisperer
TikTok: @hangoverwhisperer
Instagram: @thehangoverwhisperer 
X (Twitter) : @NotAboutTheAlc

What if the habit you're most proud of — your drive, your work ethic, your ability to get things done — is quietly running on the same fuel as the habit you're trying to change?
In this episode, Colleen gets personal. She walks through the exact moment she diagnosed herself with workaholism — not because she objectively works too much, but because of WHY she's been working so much. And the reason turns out to be the same neurological shift she's spent years helping women recognize in their drinking.
This one covers:
The difference between positive and negative reinforcement — and why any behavior you use to avoid discomfort will eventually become compulsive

Why workaholism and alcoholism are two versions of the same truth

How to know if you're doing something because it genuinely adds pleasure to your life or if you're doing it to subtract or avoid pain

The two-question self-diagnostic you can apply in real time to any pattern — drinking, working, scrolling, anything

What it means to set an emotional goal instead of a behavioral one — and why that's the only strategy that can actually help you change

Colleen also gets honest about how her drinking frequency has shifted alongside her work patterns — and what both behaviors are telling her about what she's been avoiding.
This is not a story about work replacing alcohol. It's a story about what happens when two coping tools are running in tandem, and neither one is solving the problem underneath.
Resources mentioned:
Watch The FREE Masterclass: The science behind take it or leave it–why some women can and how you can too. 
If you are ready to get support from a community of women who are co-creating this change with intention and clarity... Click here to schedule a discovery call

In this episode, Colleen revisits the biochemistry of change through the lens of dopamine — not as a science lesson, but as a practical explanation for why so many women stay stuck in cycles they genuinely want to change.
She breaks down the difference between motivation and overwhelm, and why most attempts to change drinking fail before they ever really begin: the goal is too big, the thinking is too broad, and the brain never actually learns to enjoy the behaviors that would make change sustainable.
Instead of focusing on the outcome — drinking less, losing weight, getting your life together — Colleen explains why real change happens when you focus on the inputs. The thoughts, behaviors, and tiny repeated actions that teach your brain, one moment at a time, that the new way actually feels good.
This is where emotional sobriety gets very practical. Because if the only thing motivating you is shame, fear, or self-disgust, eventually you will burn out. But when you learn how to work with dopamine on purpose — when you learn how to romanticize, savor, and reinforce the behaviors that support the life you want — change stops feeling like punishment and starts feeling like momentum.


🔑 Key Takeaways
Why dopamine drives motivation, not just pleasure



How overwhelm shuts down behavior change before it can take root



Why shame-based goals eventually backfire



The difference between focusing on outcomes vs. inputs



How to build intrinsic motivation around drinking less



Why sustainable change depends on enjoying the process, not just wanting the result



This episode is a reminder that the goal isn't to force yourself to become someone new. It's to teach your brain to enjoy being her. Things start to change when you stop telling yourself you have no choice.
If you're tired of feeling trapped and tired of drinking just to feel relief, then Click Here To Book A Call With Us.

 
Find me on:
YouTube: @HangoverWhisperer
TikTok: @hangoverwhisperer
Instagram: @thehangoverwhisperer 
X (Twitter) : @NotAboutTheAlc

If you've ever reached for a glass of wine at the end of a hard day without really deciding to, this episode is going to explain exactly why that happens — and why it has nothing to do with willpower or self-control.
Your brain isn't misbehaving. It's being efficient. Over hundreds of repetitions, it has learned that alcohol is the fastest available route to nervous system relief — and it has built a neural pathway so well-worn that the decision happens before you're even conscious of it. That's not a character flaw or a lack of willpower. That's neuroscience.
In this conversation, I'm sitting back down with Victoria Star — breathwork facilitator, midlife guide, and one of the most grounded voices I know on nervous system healing — to talk about what microdosing psilocybin actually does in the brain, why so many high-achieving women are turning to plant medicine in midlife, and what any of this has to do with your relationship with alcohol.
Here's what makes this conversation different: psilocybin and alcohol operate on the same neurological terrain. They're both affecting the ratio of automatic, subconscious thinking to conscious, present-moment choice. Understanding how one works gives you a clearer picture of why the other has such a grip — and what it actually takes to loosen it.
In this episode:
Why your brain classifies alcohol as medicine — and why that's a rational response, not a moral failing

What microdosing psilocybin actually does neurologically (and why it's not what most people think)

The difference between a sub-perceptual dose and a hero's journey — and why that distinction matters

Find me on:
YouTube: @HangoverWhisperer
TikTok: @hangoverwhisperer
Instagram: @thehangoverwhisperer 
X (Twitter) : @NotAboutTheAlc
Watch The FREE Masterclass: The science behind take it or leave it–why some women can and how you can too. 
If you are ready to get support from a community of women who are co-creating this change with intention and clarity... Click here to schedule a discovery call

About My Guest, Victoria Lee Starr:
Victoria is a Spiritual Outlaw and Midlife Midwife who guides women through the sacred season of reinvention using breathwork for transformation, guided microdosing plant medicine support, somatic ritual, and emotional excavation.
Connect with Victoria:
Instagram & Facebook: @victorialeestarr

Website: https://www.victorialeestarr.com/

In this minisode, Colleen explores one of the most powerful lies we tell ourselves when we feel overwhelmed or stuck:
"I don't have a choice."
It sounds practical, even responsible. But the moment you believe it, your nervous system shifts into survival mode. You feel trapped, resentful, and powerless, and that's often when the drink starts looking like relief.
Through a breakthrough coaching session, Colleen shares the story of a woman whose boundary-crossing mother lives next door and constantly invades her privacy. The stress was making her physically sick. She came looking for strategies to deal with her mom.
But the real breakthrough came when she realized the truth: she wasn't trapped… she was making a choice.
And the moment that truth landed, her nervous system settled and the solution became obvious.
Colleen also shares her own experience staying in a marriage years longer than she wanted to, and how radical honesty with herself ultimately gave her the power to change her life.


🔑 Key Takeaways
Why the belief "I don't have a choice" dysregulates your nervous system



The difference between being trapped and making a difficult choice



How feelings of powerlessness fuel the urge to drink



Why radical honesty is often the first step toward real freedom



Things start to change when you stop telling yourself you have no choice.
If you're tired of feeling trapped and tired of drinking just to feel relief, then Click Here To Book A Call With Us.

 
Find me on:
YouTube: @HangoverWhisperer
TikTok: @hangoverwhisperer
Instagram: @thehangoverwhisperer 
X (Twitter) : @NotAboutTheAlc