The Upshot

• Ivan Toney’s nightclub headbutt | The funniest stories in sport this week

  We’re hiring! Apply for the role as The Upshot’s new video producer: https://www.upshot.email/p/we-re-hiring-a-video-producer-36e9 Plus: England’s Ashes flops are throwing cash at Aussie children and why 70s hit YMCA is NOT a gay songEXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/upshot Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guarantee 🌐Get tickets to to the Upshot’s Live shows in April: https://www.livenation.co.uk/the-upshot-live-tickets-adp1637635Join The Upshot’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/upshottowers (Sign up in your browser, not the patreon app - it’s cheaper).Links from the pod:Rio Ferdinand’s awful banter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P03LgqfQ4BA Conor McGregor teaching Mike Tyson to box: https://x.com/HappyPunch/status/1997749158711894184And looking coked off his nut: https://x.com/GeneralBohs/status/1997793388016636392 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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• The Beckhams: a bunch of spicy bints (with Finlay Christie)

  Britain already has a royal family.But if the entire Windsor bloodline is ever wiped out in a freak yachting accident, there’s a ready made replacement.The Beckhams.For two glorious decades, Victoria, David and their offspring have ruled the worlds of music, sport and bacon sandwich making.From shagging on trains to necking cups of bleach, this is the story of the other Beckhams…Watch Finlay Christie’s stand up special, Aura Farmer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7oQiTfnFNUQ Links from the pod: Brooklyn’s bacon sandwich on NBC: https://metro.co.uk/video/brooklyn-beckham-cooks-english-breakfast-sandwich-2518705/ Cruz’s music: https://wwsw.tiktok.com/@cruzbeckham/video/7452826349779160352 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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• Troy Parrott crashes down to earth | The funniest stories in sport this week

  Get tickets to to the Upshot’s Live shows in April: https://www.livenation.co.uk/the-upshot-live-tickets-adp1637635Plus: The BBC colleague who drove Wayne Rooney to get the snip and Jamie Redknapp’s secret alter ego for picking up girlsDownload SAILY in your app store and use our code UPSHOT at checkout to get an exclusive 15% off your first purchase! For further details go to https://saily.com/upshot Links from the pod:Troy Parrott’s missed panenka: https://www.reddit.com/r/soccer/comments/1paoohe/troy_parrott_penalty_miss_vs_twente_908_at_10/ Vietnam’s intervision entry: https://youtu.be/EIqntldQyE0?si=9MEw4Wzb-2sQyVK2&t=61 Wayne Rooney on Mr Tumble: https://youtu.be/Ad2w_WgZhB8?si=GblGv5FHHWpBpLRC&t=159 In case you don’t know Mr Tumble: https://youtu.be/jMwbHIQRVME?si=bCyD1r1CvFphHXCX&t=300 Paul Chuckle’s gangster movie: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3AHwNkf4_QI Gary Lineker in Mexico with his daughter-in-law: https://x.com/GaryLineker/status/1995172259494056379 Ajax fans mental pyrotechnics: https://www.instagram.com/reel/DRss_VCkrDm Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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• Kevin Keegan: a series of unfortunate events

  The name Kevin Keegan should conjure images of glittering European nights, mazy dribbles and Balon d’Or wins.But for most people, football’s unluckiest icon is remembered for four words: I WOULD LOVE IT.And he’s had plenty of bad luck.He was beaten up by drug dealers, discovered Father Christmas’ lifeless corpse, and got shot in the face with a bow and arrow.From undercover gigolos to getting banged up in Serbia, this is his story…Links from the pod: Green Cross code ad: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JE8Lk2kSCDoScoring in FA Cup final: https://www.youtube.com/watch?si=gagQcslGM0t59KHN&t=223&v=xFY67LtZn-0&feature=youtu.beHis hit single: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJdW7-MnXtc&t=21sI would love it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?si=ip99jIR-GKnNQwij&t=5&v=mk87a7r0V60&feature=youtu.beWill he score: http://www.youtube.com/watch?si=1-R7l9C-zzx9NIfq&t=9&v=k6Bupc_sE4g&feature=youtu.be Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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• John Terry fights to free Charles Bronson | The funniest stories in sport this week

  Get tickets to to the Upshot’s Live shows in April: https://www.livenation.co.uk/the-upshot-live-tickets-adp1637635(Tickets go on sale 10am Thursday)Plus: John Terry fights to free Britain’s most notorious prisoner, Newcastle fans shagging in the Marseille toilets, The Olympic Star whose lawyer advised him to murder a witness.EXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/upshot Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guarantee 🌐Links from the pod:Dennis Wise video for Charles Bronson: https://www.instagram.com/p/DRKU6KPjIM4/ And Razor Ruddock’s: https://www.tiktok.com/@freecharlesbronson/video/7533271684023930134 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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