After Bedtime with Big Little Feelings

You can be wildly self-aware, deeply loving, in therapy, reading all the books, trying your absolute hardest - and still turn into a completely different person the second your relationship gets hard.

Maybe you start explaining yourself, clarifying and clarifying. Or, maybe you shut down and can’t find a single word. Maybe you need to fix it RIGHT NOW while your partner needs hours, or days, to process and be ready to talk about it all. Maybe you say “I’m fine” while internally writing a dissertation called Actually, I Am Not Fine At All and I Want You to Notice. Or, maybe you keep having the same fight in different outfits and cannot figure out why you both keep ending up in the exact same place.

That is what this episode is about. Welcome to the Attachment Styles episode. This is about looking at yourself closely enough to notice the moves you make automatically when connection gets hard, where those moves came from, and whether they are actually helping you build the relationship you want. Because sometimes, the thing that feels completely reasonable in the moment is also the exact thing keeping the cycle alive - until you notice and name it.

Maybe you pursue harder because you want closeness, and your partner pulls away even more. Or perhaps you shut down because you need space, and the other person experiences that as abandonment. Maybe you people-please to keep the peace and then quietly resent everyone involved. Or you wait for your partner to magically know what you need because having to ask somehow makes it feel less meaningful.

Good news: None of this means you are doomed at relationships. It means you have patterns. We all do - and once you can actually see yours, you finally have something to work with.

In this episode, Deena gets into what attachment styles actually mean in real life, how they show up in conflict, and how two people who genuinely love each other can accidentally create a dynamic that leaves both of them feeling completely misunderstood.

You’ll walk away knowing how to:
Spot your own “protective move” before it takes over the entire conversation
Understand why you chase, withdraw, defend, over-function, people-please, or go emotionally offline
Say what you actually need instead of turning your needs into a test your partner doesn’t know they’re taking
Take space without abandoning the conversation
Take accountability for your impact without shaming yourself for having a history
Repair after conflict in a way that changes the pattern instead of just producing another apology
Build more security inside yourself and your relationships without becoming some perfectly regulated robot who never gets triggered

This episode will also be the accountability nudge you might just need to grow. Because understanding yourself isn’t about giving yourself a new excuse; “I have an anxious attachment style” isn’t a free pass to make your partner responsible for regulating every uncomfortable feeling. “I shut down during conflict” doesn’t mean everyone around you has to accept that hard conversations never happen. Your history can explain your reactions, without getting to run the whole damn show. This is where the power is.

You’ll leave this episode empowered - with the new skill of being able to catch the moment where the old pattern usually takes over and ask, “Do I actually want to do this again?” You get to stop making the same move and being shocked when you land in the same place. Learn how to stay connected without disappearing inside the relationship, how to ask for what you need without abandoning yourself, and how to move through conflict without treating every hard moment like proof that something is fundamentally wrong.

So if you’ve ever thought, “Why am I like this in relationships?” or “Why do we keep having this SAME fight?” this episode is your map. Relationship patterns are learned - they’re practiced, they can feel automatic as hell. BUT they do not get the final say. This episode is about growing and healing, and it’ll transform your current relationships - with others, and yourself.

Produced by Dear Media
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You walk into a room and have absolutely no idea why you’re there. You can’t find the word you were JUST about to say. You’re exhausted, foggy, forgetful - and everyone tells you: welcome to motherhood.

But… what if we stopped brushing all of it off??

Today, Deena sits down with Emma Heming Willis and clinical psychologist Dr. Nicole Beurkens from Make Time Wellness for a fascinating (and refreshingly non-doom-and-gloom) conversation about women’s brain health and why we should be thinking about our brains LONG before there’s a problem - especially in the context of potential Alzheimer’s disease prevention.

We’re getting into brain fog, hormones, perimenopause, sleep, movement, stress, dementia risk, and the simple things we can start doing now to support our brains for the long haul. And thankfully, this is NOT another episode telling you to wake up at 5 a.m., meditate for 45 minutes, eat superfoods, hit 10,000 steps and become a completely different person by Tuesday.

You’ll learn:
When brain fog and forgetfulness are part of a season (and when it’s worth talking to your doctor)
The five basic pillars that support brain health over time
What’s actually happening inside your brain while you sleep
Why you absolutely do NOT need a perfect workout routine
Why women are at greater risk for Alzheimer’s disease - and why prevention starts decades before we think it does
How to advocate for yourself when a doctor tells you everything is “normal” but you know something feels off

Plus why 10,000 steps is not the magical number we’ve been led to believe, why the exercise you’ll actually do wins, what your 30s and 40s have to do with your brain decades from now, and how to advocate for yourself when a healthcare provider dismisses what you know you’re feeling.

This isn’t about becoming afraid of getting older. It’s about realizing we have more power than we think - and your brain deserves to be part of the conversation NOW.

After Bedtime listeners can get 20% off with code AFTERBEDTIME20 at maketimewellness.com

This episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct, or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episode.

Boll & Branch - Get 15% off your first set of sheets plus free shipping at bollandbranch.com/BLF with code BLF.

Jones Road Beauty - Use code BIGLITTLEFEELINGS at jonesroadbeauty.com to get a FREE full-sized MASCARA with your first purchase! #jonesroadbeauty #ad

Ladder - If you have an iPhone, head to ladder.fit/blf and take a quiz to find your perfect Ladder plan. Get a free seven-day trial with no credit card and ten dollars off your first month if you do join.

Naturepedic - Visit www.naturepedic.com and use code FEELINGS to get 20% off safer, healthier sleep products for the whole family.

Nutrafol - Head to nutrafol.com and enter the promo code FEELINGS for $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping.

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Produced by Dear Media
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Would you let your kid wear pajamas to school? Forget their homework and face the consequences? Tell Grandma they don’t want a hug? Quit a sport halfway through the season? Eat candy for breakfast? You probably have an immediate answer to at least a few of those. But here’s where it gets interesting: What if the parenting “rule” you’re following is actually making things harder for your kid… and for you?

SO much of parenting is spent wondering: Am I holding a healthy boundary…or am I fighting a battle that literally does not matter? Am I helping my kid…or rescuing them? Am I teaching resilience…or ignoring what my specific kid actually needs? If you’ve ever spiraled over whether you’re being too strict, too permissive, too involved, or somehow doing the exact thing that’s going to screw up your kid forever, this is the episode you need.

We're playing an unfiltered round of “Would You Let Your Kid...?” and get into the parenting decisions that sound black-and-white online but get a whole lot messier IRL.

We get into:
* Pajamas at school and how to know when a battle is actually worth fighting
* Forgotten homework and when helping is NOT the same thing as “rescuing”
* Why your kid should always be allowed to say no to a hug — even with Grandma
* Allowance, chores, and whether you let them blow their own money on something completely ridiculous
* Sleepovers, birthday party exclusions, and quitting a sport mid-season
* How neurodivergence can completely change what the “right” answer looks like

Between the hot takes and spicy debates, we get into the fact that there usually isn’t one clear answer for every kid. Sometimes it's yes. Sometimes it’s absolutely no. And sometimes you just have to know the kid standing in front of you before you can answer at all.

If you’ve been second-guessing your parenting lately, listen to this one. You might walk away realizing you can let go of way more than you thought.

This episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct, or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episode.

Aquaphor Baby - Find the new Aquaphor Baby Sensitive Lotion now at Walmart, Amazon andTarget. Visit aquaphorus.com to learn more

Boll & Branch - Get 15% off your first set of sheets plus free shipping at bollandbranch.com/BLF with code BLF.

Hiya Health - Receive 50% off your first order of Hiya’s best selling children’s vitamin. Head to hiyahealth.com/BLF.

Quince - Go to quince.com/BLF for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.

Yoto -  Head to yotoplay.com and use my code BIGLITTLEFEELINGS to save 10% off all eligible items.

Zocdoc - Head to zocdoc.com/BLF to get started and check that appointment off your to-do list!

Produced by Dear Media
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

If you watched Amanda Kloots during the early days of COVID, you probably remember her story. Her husband, Nick Cordero, spent 95 days in the hospital before dying from complications of COVID-19. Their son, Elvis, had just turned one. And Amanda was suddenly living a life she never, ever imagined for herself.

But this conversation isn't just about what Amanda lost. It's about everything that comes after.
Six years later, Amanda sits down with Kristin for an incredibly honest conversation about grief, motherhood, resilience, love, and what it means to keep building a life when the one you planned disappears.

Amanda opens up about something we don't talk about enough: you don't actually "get over" the people you lose. You don't have to stop loving them in order to love someone new. And finding moments of happiness doesn't mean you're grieving them any less.

In this episode, you’ll learn:
- The tiny rule Amanda swore by to get her through her darkest days
- Why the best thing her friends did after Nick died involved almost no words at all
- The advice she'd immediately retire when talking to someone who's grieving,
- Why she refuses to pretend her marriage was perfect just because Nick is gone.
- Her perspective on what grieving people ACTUALLY need

We also talk about the signs Amanda still receives from Nick, raising Elvis with his dad's memory woven into their everyday life, her unexpected friendship with Harry Jowsey, and the part of her future she's still scared might never happen.

And maybe the biggest takeaway: grief and joy aren't opposites. You can be devastated and laugh. You can miss someone forever and still want something new. You can deeply love the life you have while still grieving the life you thought you'd have.

You'll leave this episode with a completely different perspective on grief, what it actually means to "move forward," and how to show up for someone you love when there truly are no right words.

This episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct, or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episode.

Aquaphor Baby - Find the new Aquaphor Baby Sensitive Lotion now at Walmart, Amazon andTarget. Visit aquaphorus.com to learn more

ResortPass - Visit resortpass.com/BLF to get $20 off your first booking of $100 or more.

Quince - Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Go to quince.com/BLF for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.

Boll & Branch - Get 15% off your first set of sheets plus free shipping at bollandbranch.com/BLF with code BLF.

Our Place - Stop cooking with toxic cookware and upgrade to Our Place today! Visit fromourplace.com/BLF and use code BLF for 10% off sitewide.

Momcozy - Right now you can get 10% off the Night Pro Bottle Warmer and 10% when you pre-order the DeepClean Bottle Washer D8 at momcozy.com with code BIGLITTLEFEELINGS

Ladder - If you have an iPhone, head to ladder.fit/BLF and take a quick quiz to find your perfect Ladder plan. Use my link and get a free 7-day trial with NO credit card, and $10 off your first month if you join.

Produced by Dear Media
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Our last Q&A became our MOST-LISTENED-TO episode, so Besties: WE’RE BACK. You sent us your hardest parenting questions, and once again, we’re answering them all. Your kid was doing GREAT, and then school started and suddenly they’re melting down, fighting everything, and acting like a completely different person. Your three-year-old has turned absolutely feral since the new baby arrived. And what do you do when you KNOW you need therapy, but adding one more thing to your schedule feels literally impossible?

We cover:
Back-to-school meltdowns and why your kid suddenly seems like a completely different person
What’s actually happening when kids hold it together all day at school and completely fall apart at home
How to make the back-to-school transition easier (and why now might be the time to LOWER demands)
Why three-year-olds can feel absolutely feral, and the small shifts that can prevent some of the biggest daily power struggles
New sibling jealousy, meltdowns, and helping your older child adjust to a new baby
What to do when YOU are completely at capacity
How to make time for therapy when you literally do not have one more hour to give
The mindset shift that can completely change how you think about taking care of your own mental health

Plus:
Kristin is in an anxiety spiral, Deena is officially having a midlife crisis, we reveal what we’re watching right now (or why Kristin is watching absolutely fucking nothing), and somehow we land on spa baths as a legitimate mental health intervention. Basically: feral toddlers, back-to-school chaos, nervous systems, therapy, and the real-life strategies that will help your whole family get through this season with a little more ease.

This episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct, or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episode.

Aquaphor Baby - Find the new Aquaphor Baby Sensitive Lotion now at Walmart, Amazon andTarget. Visit aquaphorus.com to learn more

Egglife - Find Egg Life wraps chilling in the fridge at Aldi, Whole Foods, Kroger, Target, Walmart, and more. Visit egglifefoods.com to find a retailer near you.

Jones Road Beauty - Use code BIGLITTLEFEELINGS at jonesroadbeauty.com to get a FREE FULL-SIZE MASCARA with your first purchase! #jonesroadbeauty #ad

Naturepedic - Visit www.naturepedic.com and use code FEELINGS to get 20% off safer, healthier sleep products for the whole family.

Osea - Get 10% off your order sitewide with code BLF at oseamalibu.com.

Ross - Find your nearest Ross at rossstores.com

Produced by Dear Media
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.