How Married Are You?

What do you do when you’re rebuilding your life after divorce… and wondering if you should do it alone? 💔➡️🏗️❤️

In Episode 280, a recently divorced listener writes in asking a vulnerable question: should he focus entirely on rebuilding himself — financially, emotionally, and spiritually — or should he actively pursue a relationship with someone who can help him build his life alongside him? 🤔

After separating in 2023 and finalizing his divorce in 2024, he’s been working nonstop to recover financially 💼. But now he’s wrestling with a deeper tension. Some people tell him to focus on his purpose and trust that the right person will come 🙏. Others point to stories of men whose wives helped shape and strengthen who they became. He’s wondering if it’s wise to stay focused on himself… or if partnership is part of the rebuilding process.

We talk honestly about what healing after divorce really requires 🧠, why rebuilding your foundation matters before inviting someone else into your life 🧱, and the difference between needing someone to complete you versus finding someone who can refine and strengthen what already exists. We also explore the role of partnership in purpose, what it means to be a helper and be helped 🤝, and why self-development is not isolation — but preparation.

Have you ever wrestled with whether to focus on becoming whole first… or trust that healing can happen alongside someone else? 💭

Resources & Links

Buy Girl Scout Cookies from Anaya 🍪
https://digitalcookie.girlscouts.org/scout/anaya778725

Release Rest Remain 📚
https://a.co/d/ihBmSdO

Father Yourself First 📖
https://www.amazon.com/Father-Yourself-First-Everything-Deserves/dp/1400252555

The Man the Moment Demands by Jason Wilson 📘
https://amzn.to/4rRKh6p

Yvette’s Email List ✉️
https://yvettehenry.com/join-the-list

Release Rest Remain Bible Reading Plan 🙌
https://www.bible.com/en/reading-plans/64646

Premarital Advantage 💍
https://howmarriedareyoupodcast.mykajabi.com/offers/VAbsx8N2

Black Men’s Meeting 🖤
https://partiful.com/e/kuXEBUC7PHfydRmI3sz4

HMAY Amazon Storefront (affiliate) 🛒
https://www.amazon.com/shop/howmarriedareyou?ref_=cm_sw_r_apin_aipsfshop_0EGMQR9KJ94D8YGCDMV7&language=en-US

What do you do when your partner’s “boundaries” start feeling like control?

In Episode 279, a listener writes in about being engaged to a woman who reacts strongly anytime other women are around. On a group trip, she told him to keep his distance from one woman she believed was staring at him. When that same woman ended up sitting next to him in an Uber, his fiancée texted him to move his legs away from her. Later, after a group dinner where he made casual conversation, she told him he violated her boundaries just by speaking to her.

He admits he has been dishonest in the past about women (though he says he has never physically cheated), and he understands that history has impacted trust. But now he feels anxious in public, avoids interactions with women altogether, and is wondering where the line is between respecting your partner’s boundaries and being managed by their insecurity.

We talk about what boundaries actually are versus what control looks like, how trauma and betrayal can create hypervigilance, and why trust cannot be rebuilt through constant monitoring. We also get into shared responsibility in relationships, how to communicate about triggers without making your partner responsible for your internal turmoil, and why this has to be addressed before marriage, not after.

Have you ever been in a relationship where “respect” started to feel like walking on eggshells?

Resources & Links

Release Rest Remain
https://a.co/d/ihBmSdO

Father Yourself First
https://www.amazon.com/Father-Yourself-First-Everything-Deserves/dp/1400252555

Yvette’s Email List
https://yvettehenry.com/join-the-list

Release Rest Remain Bible Reading Plan
https://www.bible.com/en/reading-plans/64646

Black Men’s Meeting
https://partiful.com/e/kuXEBUC7PHfydRmI3sz4?

Premarital Advantage
https://howmarriedareyoupodcast.mykajabi.com/offers/VAbsx8N2

HMAY Amazon Storefront (affiliate)
https://www.amazon.com/shop/howmarriedareyou?ref_=cm_sw_r_apin_aipsfshop_0EGMQR9KJ94D8YGCDMV7&language=en-US

What do you do when you keep praying for God to remove someone… and they’re still here?

In Episode 278, a listener writes in about dating a man who came in strong — intentional, consistent, saying all the right things, and claiming his goal was marriage and family. But once she finally became his girlfriend, the effort disappeared. No thoughtfulness. No intentional dates. Barely any engagement. He doesn’t ask questions, doesn’t remember what she shares, talks over her, talks down to her, and she’s left wondering if he’s even a kind person.

What makes it harder is that it feels like no one in his world knows she exists — friends, family, everyone. She’s prayed and prayed for God to remove him if he isn’t meant for her… but instead of him leaving, they keep “working through it,” while going nowhere. Now she’s trying to discern whether this is God telling her to stay, or whether God has already shown her enough — and she needs to choose clarity, boundaries, and peace.

We talk about the danger of over-spiritualizing what’s actually a decision, why you can’t keep letting someone’s indecision set the pace for your life, and what it looks like to stop waiting for a person to change when the reality is already loud.

Have you ever stayed too long because you were waiting for God to make the exit obvious?

Resources & Links

Father Yourself First
https://www.amazon.com/Father-Yourself-First-Everything-Deserves/dp/1400252555

Release Rest Remain
https://a.co/d/ihBmSdO

Yvette’s Email List
https://yvettehenry.com/join-the-list

Release Rest Remain Bible Reading Plan
https://www.bible.com/en/reading-plans/64646

Premarital Advantage
https://howmarriedareyoupodcast.mykajabi.com/offers/VAbsx8N2

Black Men’s Meeting
https://partiful.com/e/kuXEBUC7PHfydRmI3sz4?

HMAY Amazon Storefront (affiliate)
https://www.amazon.com/shop/howmarriedareyou?ref_=cm_sw_r_apin_aipsfshop_0EGMQR9KJ94D8YGCDMV7&language=en-US

What do you do when the person you married starts sounding like someone you never would’ve chosen?

In Episode 277, a 21-year-old listener writes in about getting married at 19… and feeling like her husband is unrecognizable now 😔.

They bonded over faith, culture, and shared values — even agreeing they’d never become “patriots.”

But after he joined the military and found community in a new environment, she says his beliefs shifted hard.

The jokes, the politics, the worldview, even the way he talks about people… it all feels like a different man 💔.

Now she’s stuck between two real fears: staying and slowly losing herself 🫥, or leaving and grieving a marriage she thought would be godly and lasting 🕊️.

She’s asking if it’s possible to raise kids in a home with split values, how to navigate someone you love when your convictions don’t match, and whether divorce is a wild thought… or a necessary one.

We talk honestly about what it means to navigate deep value differences inside a marriage, how to move carefully when emotions are already high 🧠, and why you can’t pretend something this deep is “just politics.”

💬 Join the Conversation
Have you ever had to navigate major value differences with someone you love?
What helped you communicate without shutting down — or blowing up?

Drop your thoughts in the comments 👇🏽

📚 Resources & Links

Father Yourself First
https://www.amazon.com/Father-Yourself-First-Everything-Deserves/dp/1400252555

Release Rest Remain
https://a.co/d/ihBmSdO

Premarital Advantage
https://howmarriedareyoupodcast.mykajabi.com/offers/VAbsx8N2

Yvette’s Email List
https://yvettehenry.com/join-the-list

Release Rest Remain Bible Reading Plan
https://www.bible.com/en/reading-plans/64646

Black Men’s Meeting
https://partiful.com/e/kuXEBUC7PHfydRmI3sz4?

Big A## Calendar
https://bit.ly/4rkZIE7

HMAY Amazon Storefront
https://www.amazon.com/shop/howmarriedareyou?ref_=cm_sw_r_apin_aipsfshop_0EGMQR9KJ94D8YGCDMV7&language=en-US

❤️ If this helped you, like the video, subscribe, and share it with someone navigating marriage, identity shifts, and hard conversations.

Have you ever had a “what if” person… and you can’t tell if it’s God’s timing or an emotional trap?
In this episode, a listener writes in about a seven-year friendship that keeps circling back into something deeper. They’ve never kissed, she’s been abstinent for five years, and now — for the first time — their timing finally aligns to explore a relationship. But she’s torn: he’s warm, patient, and makes her feel safe… yet she’s afraid she’s been living more in fantasy than reality.
They’re long-distance, both navigating ADHD, and she’s trying to rebuild her faith while also wanting a partner who can lead spiritually — without performing faith just to keep her. So the real question becomes: is love and safety enough to take the risk, or is this a distraction that could derail her growth?
We talk about how to move forward with wisdom, how to check your “sober mind” when you’re already emotionally invested, and why you can’t keep someone in your life as a permanent what-if.
✨ What You’ll Hear
Izzy’s letter to Glen after Sydney’s passing (bring tissues)

Release Rest Remain update + the YouVersion Bible reading plan

Listener email: the long-distance “what if” friendship turning serious

ADHD, consistency, and what love looks like in real life

Faith alignment, spiritual leadership, and moving with a sober mind

Why “love is a risk” — and how to take it wisely

Parenting + marriage questions: balance, devotionals, and real-life routines

💬 Join the Conversation
Have you ever carried a “what if” relationship for years?
What helped you decide to risk it — or finally let it go?
❤️ If This Helped You
Like the video, subscribe, and share it with someone navigating long-distance love, boundaries, and faith alignment.
📚 Resources & Links

Father Yourself First
https://www.amazon.com/Father-Yourself-First-Everything-Deserves/dp/1400252555
Release Rest Remain
https://a.co/d/ihBmSdO
Release Rest Remain Bible Reading Plan
https://www.bible.com/en/reading-plans/64646
Premarital Advantage
https://howmarriedareyoupodcast.mykajabi.com/offers/VAbsx8N2
Saturday Men’s Group (Black men, 7 a.m. PT)
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/81971875325?pwd=cY3k96A8j1b0WMLPHF5ym0bNSNaRdj.1
Patreon Community
https://www.patreon.com/HMAY
Yvette’s Email List
https://yvettehenry.com/join-the-list
The Biggest Story Affiliate links mentioned in this episode
https://bit.ly/3Lx0Ipb
https://bit.ly/4qz1IIZ
https://bit.ly/3NDgUG1
HMAY Amazon Storefront (affiliate)
https://www.amazon.com/shop/howmarriedareyou?ref_=cm_sw_r_apin_aipsfshop_0EGMQR9KJ94D8YGCDMV7&language=en-US