Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

My husband and I are 2½ years into recovery, and our marriage is stronger than ever. As I enter my third trimester, we want to plan for sex and intimacy postpartum, especially after a difficult recovery with our first child. How can we approach this season in a healthy, connected way that supports both healing and intimacy?

I’m experiencing betrayal trauma in my marriage, and I’m trying to rebuild safety and trust after what’s happened. My spouse seems to believe that sex will bring us closer and help heal the relationship, but it actually feels triggering and disconnecting for me right now. Why is it so hard for them to understand that sex alone won’t repair betrayal or create emotional safety?

After divorcing my spouse due to addiction, he still continues to blame me for what happened and the breakdown of our relationship. I’m trying to heal and move forward, but the ongoing blame feels confusing and painful. How do you respond when someone keeps assigning you responsibility even after the relationship has ended?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Resources:

The Betrayal Bind

Cliff & Joyce's Books

The Life Saving Divorce

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

I’m a woman in ministry and I’ve noticed a pattern where I seek validation through flirting and attention from men, even when I don’t intend harm. I want to break this cycle and grow in healthier boundaries and identity. What kind of help, support, or practices would actually help me change these patterns in a lasting way?

I desire deep connection, but I also fear abandonment, which affects how I show up in relationships. How do fear of abandonment and attachment wounds shape relational behavior, and how can women begin to heal this?

I sometimes feel shame around my relational or sexual patterns and don’t know how to talk about it without feeling “broken.” How can women bring these struggles into the light in a way that leads to healing instead of shame?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Resources:

The Fantasy Fallacy

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

My husband and I have been together since childhood, married for 7 years, and six months ago I discovered his long-term porn addiction. It feels like a deep betrayal, and I’m struggling to heal and trust again. Even though he’s in recovery and doing the right things, I still feel stuck. How do I move forward when our story feels broken?

My husband’s mindset seems to be keeping him from engaging in recovery. He often becomes entitled and shifts blame onto me, and he sees boundaries as rejection. I know you’ve addressed similar dynamics before, but how can a spouse respond when these patterns are blocking accountability and making real healing difficult?

From an addict spouse: I’ve struggled with porn throughout my 14 year marriage and am now in recovery. As my wife and I enter formal disclosure, I’ll hear the impact of my betrayal, and I want to respond well without becoming defensive. How can I stay present, process her pain, and grow through this disclosure process in a way that supports her healing?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
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Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

- I’m walking through betrayal after discovering my boyfriend’s porn use and past behaviors, and what’s been most overwhelming isn’t just the pain, it’s the rage. At times, I feel completely overtaken by anger, even acting in ways that scare me and leave me feeling ashamed. It feels deeper than anger, like a full-body trauma response. Is this kind of rage normal in betrayal trauma, and what’s actually happening inside me?

- As I navigate betrayal trauma, one of the hardest parts is how my partner responds. When I express pain or anger, he dismisses it or calls me “crazy,” which only intensifies everything I’m feeling. It makes me feel unseen and alone in the trauma. How can partners better understand and respond to betrayal trauma, especially intense emotions like rage, in a way that brings safety instead of more harm?

- I’ve been learning that betrayal trauma affects the brain and body in real ways, but it doesn’t seem like this is widely understood, especially by those who caused the hurt. It feels like there’s a gap in recovery when it comes to helping men understand their partner’s trauma responses. How can we better educate betrayers on what’s happening neurologically and emotionally so they can respond with empathy and support healing?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org.

We can’t wait to hear from you!

 

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
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Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

- I’m single, in a healthy community, and feel ready for a relationship, but I tend to quickly imagine men as “the one” before truly knowing them. I find myself dreaming about a future instead of seeing who they really are. Why is this so hard to stop, and how can I approach men with more clarity and grounded perspective?

- I often confuse emotional intensity with true intimacy. How can I tell the difference between chemistry, attachment, and genuine relational safety?

- I’ve noticed that porn use is often talked about as a “man’s issue,” but I know women also struggle with it. I’m curious why this perception exists and what might be missing in how we talk about it. Why do you think porn addiction is so often framed as a male problem, even though it clearly affects women too?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Resources:

Register For The 2026 Summit Now!

Crystal Renaud Day's Website

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.