Parenting Post-Wilderness: Parenting a Struggling Teen Before, During and After Treatment

When you find out your child is harming themselves, you’re thrown into a world you don’t understand.
Fear hits first. Then confusion. Maybe even anger.
Is this a cry for help? Is it manipulation? Is my child suicidal?
And most of all… what am I supposed to do?
If your teen is self-harming, you’re not alone in these questions. And you’re not failing as a parent.
In this conversation, I sit down with therapist Courtney Deadman to unpack what teen self-harm actually is, and what it isn’t. Because so much of what parents believe about self-harm keeps them stuck in fear, reactivity, and disconnection… when what their teen or young adult kid needs most is something very different.
We talk about why self-harm is often a coping mechanism (not necessarily a suicide attempt), why punishment and consequences can make things worse, and how you can begin to approach your teen in a way that builds trust instead of shutting them down.
In this episode on when your teen or young adult kid is self-harming, we discuss:
What self-harm actually means (and why it’s more nuanced than you think)
The difference between self-harm and suicidal intent
Why some teens use self-harm as a coping mechanism
The biggest mistakes parents make when they discover self-harm
Why consequences and punishment often backfire
How to talk to your teen without judgment or fear taking over
What “harm reduction” looks like and why it matters
The role of curiosity, trust, and connection in your response towards your struggling teen
How self-harm shows up differently across genders
Why supporting yourself as a parent is essential in this process

Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!
🧘Learn how to respond in hard moments, without losing your cool, the relationship, or yourself, inside my 6-week Boundaries Masterclass.
🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

Your teen’s behavior might feel confusing, frustrating, or even manipulative… but when you understand the boy brain, it starts to make a lot more sense.
In this episode, I sit down with Mark Spalding (LCSW) to unpack what’s really going on beneath behaviors like complaining, blaming, or playing the victim, and why so many parents feel emotionally pulled in when it happens.
We start with a situation many parents know all too well: your teen calls home (especially from treatment), and everything they share is negative. They sound convincing. Urgent. Sometimes even alarming. And you’re left feeling confused, guilty, and unsure what’s actually true.
But let’s also zoom out a bit. 
Because these moments aren’t just about what your teen is saying. They’re about how the adolescent brain works.
We explain how the boy brain works: from the powerful drive for validation and belonging, to the imbalance between reward and consequence, to the speed at which emotions override logic. 
When you understand this, you start to see why your teen might lean into certain behaviors, and why it’s so easy for you, as a parent, to get pulled in.
Most importantly, we talk about how to respond in a way that supports your teen without rescuing them and how to step out of patterns that may actually be holding them back.
In this episode on the boy brain explained, we discuss:
Why teens often focus on the negative (also during calls from treatment)
What the “proximity effect” is and how it impacts your teen’s reactions
Why teens may take on a victim role and why it can feel rewarding
The neuroscience behind teen behavior, incl. emotional reactivity and reward sensitivity
Why belonging and validation can outweigh consequences in the boy brain
How teens can hold parents emotionally hostage (often without realizing it)
What’s happening in your teen’s brain when logic “doesn’t work”
How to respond to your teenage boy without overreacting, rescuing, or escalating
Why competence is what builds confidence
How over-helping can unintentionally undermine your teen’s growth
The role of parent guilt, fear, and past experiences in these dynamics
How to stay grounded, set healthier boundaries, and increase your influence as a parent

More about Mark Spalding
Mark Spalding is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified Family Life Educator, trained Neurotherapist, and Field Instructor at the University of Utah. He is the co-founder of Live Strong House, Utah's premier therapeutic boarding school for boys, as well as the owner of Milestone, their young adult boys program.

Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!
🧘Learn how to respond in hard moments, without losing your cool, the relationship, or yourself, inside my 6-week Boundaries Masterclass.
🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

You wait all week for that call… and then it comes. But your child sounds miserable. They’re complaining about everything. The food, the people, the program. They tell you it’s not working. That they shouldn’t be there. Maybe they even promise they’ll do better if you just bring them home.
And suddenly, you’re right back in it: confused, overwhelmed, and questioning everything.
Did I make the wrong decision?
Is this actually helping them?
Should I be doing something different?
In this episode, Seth and I talk about an extremely common (and emotionally triggering) experiences parents face when their child is in treatment: the weekly call filled with negativity, complaints, and pressure to “fix” it.
Because here’s the truth: just because your teen is struggling, doesn’t mean something is wrong. And just because they’re telling you something, doesn’t mean you should take it at face value.
We walk you through what’s really going on underneath these conversations, why your teen might be showing up this way, and how to respond in a way that supports their growth without getting pulled into fear, guilt, or rescuing.
In this episode on when your teen is complaining about treatment, we discuss:
Why teens often complain or “push back” during treatment (and what’s actually underneath it)
How discomfort, challenge, and growth can show up as negativity
The difference between valid concerns vs. emotional reactions
Why it’s important not to blindly believe, nor completely dismiss, what your teen is saying
How to gather accurate information without escalating the situation
The common parenting patterns that get activated (rescuing vs. dismissing)
What it looks like to respond in a grounded, supportive way
How to give your teen or young adult autonomy instead of stepping in to fix things

Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!
🧘Learn how to respond in hard moments, without losing your cool, the relationship, or yourself, inside my 6-week Boundaries Masterclass.
🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

You’re lying awake at night, running through every possible scenario. Should I step in? Should I say something? Should I let this go?
When your teen is struggling, it can feel nearly impossible to know what’s actually yours to handle and what isn’t. And without clarity, it’s so easy to slip into overthinking, overfunctioning, and trying to control things that were never yours to begin with.
In this episode, we’re introducing a simple but powerful framework: the Circles of Control, Influence, and Concern. This practical tool can help you step out of the constant confusion and into a more grounded, connected way of parenting. One where you stay present with your teen without losing yourself in the process.
[I go much deeper into this framework, and much more, inside my 6-week Boundaries Masterclass.]
We talk about why so many parents get stuck focusing on the wrong things, how that actually increases stress (for both you and your child), and what it looks like to shift your energy back to where it truly matters.
Because when you start to understand what is in your control as a parent, everything begins to change: your boundaries, your responses, and even your relationship with your teen or young adult child.
In this episode on what is in your control as a parent, we discuss:
The three circles: control, influence, and concern, and what each one really means;
Why parents often spend most of their time in the wrong circle;
How trying to control what isn’t yours actually increases stress and disconnection in your family;
Real-life examples (like school refusal and eating habits) to show you how to apply this framework;
The difference between control language vs. influence-based communication;
How to stay present and supportive without overfunctioning or rescuing;
And much more.

Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!
🧘Learn how to respond in hard moments, without losing your cool, the relationship, or yourself, inside my 6-week Boundaries Masterclass.
🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

Trust is one of the most fundamental parts of every relationship. If you don’t trust your teen, or you notice they don’t trust you, it will be hard to build the kind of parent-child relationship you want to have with your struggling teen or young adult.
But sometimes it can feel like an impossible task to ‘just trust’ your teen again, especially if that trust has been broken before. So how does trust actually work and more importantly… how do you begin to rebuild it when it feels broken?
In this episode, I sit down again with Danny Frazer to break down the anatomy of trust, using Brené Brown’s powerful BRAVING framework. We don’t just talk theory - we explore what this actually looks like in real-life parenting, especially when your teen is struggling.
Because here’s the truth: trust isn’t built in big, dramatic moments. It’s built (and rebuilt) in the small, everyday interactions between you and your child.
And often, it starts with you.
In this episode on how to rebuild trust with your teen, we discuss:
What trust actually means (and why it feels so complicated as a parent);
Brené Brown’s BRAVING framework explained in a practical, relatable way for parents of struggling teens and young adults;
Why boundaries are essential for building trust (not the opposite);
How reliability shows up in the small, everyday moments;
The role of accountability and repair in strengthening your relationship;
Why integrity and consistency matter more than perfection;
How to practice non-judgment and shift into curiosity with your teen;
What it really means to be generous (without becoming passive);
Why parents need to go first when it comes to rebuilding trust;
And much more!

More about Danny Frazer
Danny Frazer has spent nearly 30 years working in wilderness therapy and behavioral healthcare, including co-founding Open Sky Wilderness Therapy in 2006 and serving in leadership roles across the organization. For six of those years, he worked in admissions at Open Sky, speaking with and supporting thousands of families as they navigated the difficult decision of whether residential treatment was the right step for their family. Those conversations deeply shaped how he understands the realities parents face when contending with an at-risk child.
Today, he works as a leadership and business coach, helping leaders in behavioral healthcare navigate these complex, high-stress environments. He also volunteers his time as a board member of the Deer Hill Foundation, an outdoor adventure education and service learning program for youth located in Southwest Colorado. And, he is an active parent of two boys, including a teenager, an experience that continues to ground his work and perspective.

Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!
🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.