Full-Tilt Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children

Today I’m talking with Dr. Phil Boucher, a board-certified pediatrician who’s particularly interested in helping families understand and support kids with ADHD and help parents better understand their child, trust their instincts, and make informed decisions about what their family needs.

This is a unique conversation for the show because, for the first time, we’re looking at the whole journey through the lens of a pediatrician, especially in those early years when parents may be wondering what they’re seeing, whether to pursue an evaluation, and where to begin. Phil walks us through how he approaches ADHD in his practice, from evaluation and diagnosis to sleep, nutrition, screens, school supports, emotional regulation, anxiety, and medication, and offers a thoughtful, comprehensive look at supporting the whole child and family.

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About Phil Boucher, MD

Phil Boucher, MD, FAAP, is a board-certified pediatrician, a dad of six, and a Fellow of the American Academy of Pediatrics who helps parents make sense of pediatric education and development.

After years of answering thousands of parent questions in clinic (and at home), he realized what parents really need isn't more advice—it's honest perspective and practical reassurance from someone who gets it.

He writes, speaks, and creates resources that help parents trust their instincts, understand their child, and take care of themselves along the way.

Things you'll learn from this episode

How ADHD can look different across childhood, with hyperactivity often appearing earlier and inattentive traits becoming clearer over time

Why family history and parents’ own childhood experiences can provide important clues when exploring ADHD

How emotional regulation and executive functioning are central parts of ADHD, beyond inattention and hyperactivity

Why a comprehensive ADHD evaluation should consider sleep, nutrition, school experiences, family history, and other factors

How practical supports like movement, protein, and visual checklists can make everyday routines more manageable

When medication may be helpful and why it’s best viewed as a tool for building skills rather than controlling behavior

Resources mentioned

Dr. Phil Boucher’s website

Dr. Phil Boucher’s Substack Dear parents

Phil on Instagram

Cindy Goldrich on Helping Kids with ADHD Thrive—Without Losing Yourself (Tilt Parenting podcast)

Kim & Penn Holderness Talk About How ADHD is Awesome in Love and in Life (Tilt Parenting podcast)

Ned Hallowell on How Parents Can Best Support Their Children with ADHD (Tilt Parenting podcast)

Dr. Sharon Saline on What Our ADHD Child Wishes We Knew (Tilt Parenting podcast)

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My guest this week is Steve Silberman, an award-winning science writer who authored the 2015 book NeuroTribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity, a brilliant book that upends conventional thinking about autism and suggests a broader model for acceptance, understanding, and full participation in society for people who think differently. Steve’s articles have appeared in Wired, the New York Times, the New Yorker, the Financial Times, the Boston Globe, the MIT Technology Review, and more.

In our conversation, Steve and I talk about neurodivergence, autism, acceptance, tolerance, changing cultures, systemic change, and so much more. As a science writer who researched the history of autism in writing his book for more than five years, Steve brings an incredible breadth of knowledge, as well as passion for the neurodiversity movement, to the show. By the end of this interview I was inspired and motivated for the changes to come, and grateful there are thought leaders like Steve doing this important work in the world. I hope you enjoy our conversation!



Things you’ll learn from this episode

The impetus for Steve’s book NeuroTribes

How and why the anti-vaccine movement has negatively affected the autistic community

The real impact of language like “epidemic” in relation to neurodifferences like autism

How Steve’s book NeuroTribes has been received by members of the autistic community

Steve’s thoughts on how parents raising neurodiverse kids can best support the neurodiversity movement

The importance of autistic peer mentoring



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I’m talking with developmental psychologist Dr. Peter Gray about his new book, Restoring Childhood: How to Set Kids Free in the Age of Anxiety, which challenges one of the dominant narratives about the youth mental health crisis: that smartphones and social media are largely to blame for the rise in anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges among kids. Peter argues that this picture is incomplete, and that when we look more closely at the data and at what has changed in childhood over the past several decades, a very different story emerges.

So today we dig into what Peter believes we’re missing when we focus so much attention on screens, including the rise of intensive parenting and overprotection, the loss of independence and free play, and especially the increasingly stressful and demanding role that school plays in children’s lives. We also talk about why kids need unstructured time, autonomy, and opportunities to take age-appropriate risks, and Peter shares practical ideas for giving our kids more freedom to build confidence, resilience, and a stronger sense of agency.

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About Dr. Peter Gray

Dr. Peter Gray is a research professor of psychology and neuroscience at Boston College. He has conducted and published research in neuroendocrinology, developmental psychology, anthropology, and education. He did his undergraduate study at Columbia University and earned a Ph.D. in biological sciences at Rockefeller University. His current research and writing focus primarily on children’s natural ways of learning and the life-long value of play. He has helped found and continues to support nonprofit organizations aimed at bringing more play and independent activity to children’s lives.He is the author of an internationally acclaimed college introductory psychology textbook (Psychology, now in its 8th edition), which views all of psychology from an evolutionary perspective, and of Free to Learn: Why Unleashing the Instinct to Play Will Make Our Children Happier, More Self-Reliant, and Better Students for Life.

Things you'll learn from this episode

How Peter Gray defines childhood as a gradual process of growing independence, autonomy, and responsibility

Why the rise of intensive parenting and overprotection has reduced kids’ freedom and may be contributing to increased stress and anxiety

How Common Core and increasingly demanding, high-pressure school environments have fundamentally changed children’s experience of childhood

Why Peter argues that school pressure and the loss of independence may be bigger drivers of the youth mental health crisis than smartphones and social media

How free play, self-directed activity, and opportunities to take age-appropriate risks build confidence, resilience, and agency

What parents can do to give kids more freedom, independence, and control over their own lives

Resources mentioned

Dr. Peter Gray’s website

Dr. Peter Gray’s Substack

Restoring Childhood: How to Set Kids Free in the Age of Anxiety by Dr. Peter Gray

Free to Learn: Why Unleashing the Instinct to Play Will Make Our Children Happier, More Self-Reliant, and Better Students for Life by Dr. Peter Gray

A Historic Settlement Over Social Media Addiction (The Daily podcast)

Let Grow



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I’m excited to share this powerful and gut-punching conversation with Jonathan Mooney, a self-described “do-gooder,” speaker, and writer who didn’t learn to read until he was 12-years-old. Growing up with Dyslexia, Jonathan faced a number of low expectations: he was told he would be a high-school dropout and likely end up in jail. Instead, he earned a degree in English Literature, started his first non-profit organization in his college dorm, and has gone on to write a number of books, including his latest title Normal Sucks (which, side note: should be required reading for everyone). He’s been a champion for neurological and physical diversity for more than two decades, and his award-winning advocacy projects have been featured in major media outlets across the US.

THINGS YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE:

The powerful messages, both positive and negative, Jonathan heard from the adults in his life as a child with dyslexia

What it means to pathologize difference, and how even well-meaning organizations participate in this

The difficult and disturbing historical outcomes for differently-abled people, including the ideas and legacy of the Eugenics movement.

How the idea of “normal” has evolved since Jonathan started his advocacy work

Why Jonathan believes that learning differences are a gift and why this is such an important concept

What parents and teachers can do to help children to see their differences as strengths

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​In this conversation, Debbie Reber speaks with Dr. Özgür Bolat about his book The Reward Trap and the hidden costs of using rewards to motivate children. Dr. Bolat explains that rewards may create short-term compliance, but they often undermine intrinsic motivation, self-esteem, and long-term confidence by teaching kids that love and approval are conditional on performance.

Drawing from his own experience as a highly accomplished student who became dependent on external validation, he argues that parents should shift from a control mindset to a connection mindset—asking what a child needs, helping them feel understood, and building internal motivation through effort, autonomy, and trust rather than prizes or pressure.

About Dr. Özgür Bolat

Dr. Özgür Bolat is a distinguished education scientist, researcher, associate professor, and author with a career spanning academia, media, and corporate partnerships. His groundbreaking research on parenting and teaching has earned him international recognition, including the prestigious Best Young Researcher award in New Zealand. He holds a master’s degree from Harvard Graduate School of Education (Fulbright and TEV scholar) and a PhD from the University of Cambridge.

During his doctoral studies, he spent one year as a visiting PhD student at MIT Sloan. His academic work has been complemented by a successful media career, where he served as a columnist for a major national newspaper for 12 years, establishing himself as a leading voice in education and parenting. Dr. Bolat is a highly sought-after keynote speaker and parenting workshop leader.

Things you'll learn from this episode

Why rewards and praise can create short-term compliance while undermining intrinsic motivation over time

How conditional praise and external validation can contribute to anxiety, perfectionism, and a sense that approval must be earned

Why behavior is often a signal of an unmet need rather than a lack of discipline

How shifting from a control mindset to a connection mindset changes the way we respond to our kids

Why focusing on effort rather than intelligence helps children build resilience and authentic motivation

How parents can nurture kids who are internally motivated, self-respecting, and connected rather than focused on obedience

Resources mentioned

Dr. Özgür Bolat’s website

The Reward Trap book website

The Reward Trap: Why Rewards Backfire and the Real Science of Motivation Kids by Dr. Özgür Bolat (on Amazon)

Alfie Kohn on Practicing Unconditional Parenting (Tilt Parenting podcast)

Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishment to Love and Reason by Alfie Kohn

Punished by Rewards: The Trouble with Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A’s, Praise, and Other Bribes by Alfie Kohn

David Yeager on the Science of Motivating Young People (Tilt Parenting podcast)

Mindset: How We Can Learn to Fulfill Our Potential by Carol Dweck

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