The Mother Of It All

We sit down with the whip-smart UK-based American journalist Stephanie H. Murray (a contributing writer for The Atlantic) to talk about the flawed baseline logic of American parenthood, freedom, control and the sacrifices we make to be part of a community. Murray explains that finding community may mean that we can’t “overindex” every little parenting decision, why ‘freedom’ as parents and kids might be more complex than it seems, why she wishes her neighbors would yell at her kids more often, and more. Plus: Book recommendations, parenthood and vigilance, Fanta in the UK vs. US, and Sarah demands permission to give your child the trashiest birthday present she can find.
Links:
* Stephanie H. Murray newsletter, Family Stuff
* The Isolation of Intensive Parenting
* Bring Back Communal Kid Discipline
* “No gifts” or “Yes gifts?” Edith Zimmerman and I hash out who is superior (from Evil Witches Newsletter )
* What’s On Her Mind: The Mental Workload of Family Life by Alison Daminger

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Visit our Bookshop storefront to find all the books we’ve mentioned here and in previous episodes. When you shop there, we get a small affiliate fee (thank you!).
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Dr. Jack Schneider, Dwight W. Allen Distinguished Professor at UMass Amherst and and host of the Have You Heard podcast about education policy, joins us to break down the recent “schools are bad” media bonanza (links below). Dr. Schneider digs in to what’s flawed about the panic-inducing articles about the state of American public education, and shares tips on what to say to the person next to us at a dinner party who starts to s**t on our kids’ public school. Also, the questions to ask your kid if you really want to know if they’re school is good, and a thought-provoking take on Little Free Libraries.
Links:
* America’s Children Are Unwell. Are Schools Part of the Problem? From A.D.H.D. to anxiety, disorders have risen as the expectations of childhood have changed. By Jia Lynn Yang (New York Times)
* The Big Fail Student achievement has fallen off a cliff. And neither Trump nor the pandemic is to blame. By Andrew Rice (New York Magazine)
* Jack Schneider, educational historian and professor at the University of Massachusetts, Amherst.
* The Education Wars (Jack Schneider)
* Beyond Test Scores (Jack Schneider)
* Jack Schneider in The Nation
* r/Teachers: “What does this generation of students do better than others?” (via Evil Witches Newsletter )
* Scopes Monkey Trial
* Arizona Education Debit Card
* Teachers Have It Easy
* California Healthy Kids Survey
* The Mighty Red by Louise Erdrich
* The City & The City by China Miéville
If you love the work we do on Mother Of It All, please consider becoming a paid subscriber. Paid subscribers get access to everything behind the paywall, like subscriber-only episodes, book reviews and more. If you subscribe at the founding member level, we’ll send you one of our awesome tote bags. And it’s always free and helpful to follow, share, rate and review our show here and everywhere else you listen to podcasts you love. Thank you!
Visit our Bookshop storefront to find all the books we’ve mentioned here and in previous episodes. When you shop there, we get a small affiliate fee (yay, thank you!).
Visit motherofitall.com to send us ideas for a future episode or learn more about the show.
Follow the podcast on Instagram (@themotherofitall) or Bluesky (@motherofitallpod.bsky.social)


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Happy New Year, sweet paid subscribers! Thanks for making us rich! Just kidding. Thanks for keeping the lights on, though. Your support means a lot, and we’re filled with gratitude as we cruise into 2026.
2025 was quite a year for mom movies AND dad movies and we’ve been dying to talk about it. Sarah saw most of them, and Miranda saw some of them, despi…

In this episode, Sarah and Miranda Rake kick things off with some Mariah Carey karaoke and a rundown of their favorite “laundry folding films.” Then journalist Courtney Martin joins to talk about the messy, tender, and often overwhelming realities of caring for aging parents while raising kids—the ultimate sandwich generation hustle. Courtney shares what it’s been like to relocate her whole family, the heartbreak and beauty of moving her dad into memory care, and how communal living and worker-owned elder care centers have shaped her journey. Grab a mug of tea, add another bag (Sarah’s jam), and settle in for a conversation that’s equal parts comfort and reality check.
Other Links:
* Learning in Public: Lessons for a Racially Divided America from My Daughter’s School by Courtney Martin
* What Our Intergenerational Household Taught All of Us About Care (Greater Good Science Center)
* Opinion: Whoever needs to hear this: It’s OK to put your loved one with dementia in residential care (SF Chronicle)
* Elder Care (Courtney’s Substack)
* On Vanishing: Mortality, Dementia, and What It Means to Disappear by Lynn Castiel Harper
* Creative Care: A Revolutionary Approach to Dementia and Elder Care by Anne Basting
* Travelers to Unimaginable Lands: Dementia, Caregiving, and the Hidden Humanity of Memory by Dasha Kiper
* Wise Unknown Podcast
* Slate’s How-To Podcast
* the examined family (Courtney’s Substack)
* Mother of It All Bookshop (Bookshop.org)
* Caring Across Generations (Ai-jen Poo)
* Doulagivers Elder Care Doula Directory (Doulagivers: Find a Doula)
* Home Care Cooperatives
* Holiday Movies We Love (Or Don’t)
* Mariah Carey’s Christmas Specials
* A Merry Scottish Christmas
* A Merry Little Ex-mas
* White Christmas
* Christmas in Connecticut
* Desk Set
* A Very Murray Christmas (Netflix)
* Freakier Friday
* Sarah’s Letterboxd
If you love the work we do on Mother Of It All, please consider becoming a paid subscriber. Paid subscribers get access to everything behind the paywall, like subscriber-only episodes, book reviews and more. If you subscribe at the founding member level, we’ll send you one of our awesome tote bags. And it’s always free and helpful to follow, share, rate and review our show here and everywhere else you listen to podcasts you love. Thank you!
* Visit our Bookshop storefront to find all the books we’ve mentioned here and in previous episodes. When you shop there, we get a small affiliate fee (yay, thank you!).
* Visit motherofitall.com to send us ideas for a future episode or learn more about the show.
* Follow the podcast on Instagram (@themotherofitall) or Bluesky (@motherofitallpod.bsky.social)



This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit motherofitall.substack.com/subscribe

Welcome to our ✨Holiday Special✨! In an episode that is ostensibly about Elf On The Shelf (or Mensch On The Bench — for Sarah), we explore our collective annual search for meaning and self with the great Meaghan O’Connell, author of And Now We Have Everything and noted Elf On The Shelf apologist.
Pressing items interrogated lightly include: Should Elf On The Shelf be a Dad thing? Does holiday magic necessarily include lying to our kids? What do we say when our kids ask if we’re Santa? What is the true magic? How do we even know what we enjoy and what we don’t in a season this busy, and should we take Miranda’s recommendation to do a witchy ritual to remind ourselves?
Links:
* Meaghan O’Connell’s book, And Now We Have Everything
* St. Nicholas day
* Mr. Willoby’s Christmas Tree
* ‘Lazy Mom’ Elf On A Shelf
* Elf on a Shelf Book
* The first Mother of it All holiday special, featuring
Sara Petersen
* Mensch on a Bench (“as seen on Shark Tank”)
* Sarah on Boo Baskets (The Cut)
* When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron
* Miranda’s Grandma Ruth’s Peanut Butter Balls
* Meaghan’s Substack



This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit motherofitall.substack.com/subscribe