In this episode, we explore what it really takes to create meaningful change — especially in those seasons where everything feels hard, familiar patterns keep looping, and no amount of “trying” seems to make a difference. We talk about the inner environment required for real change, and why self-compassion isn’t the opposite of accountability — it’s the foundation of it.You’ll hear about:Why we default to shame when we feel stuckThe myth that self-criticism leads to better behaviourHow shame overwhelms an already stressed nervous systemWhy being on your own team is essential for honest self-reflection👉🏼 Join the January round of my 28-Day Secure Self Challenge here00:00 Introduction 04:13 Why Self-Judgment is So Common06:32 Understanding and Validating Anxiety08:49 The Role of Self-Compassion in Growth11:58 Isn't Self-Compassion Self-Indulgent?
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#216: My Story of Healing Anxious Attachment
Today's episode is a special one: I'm sharing my own healing story and how I went from anxious and insecure to confident, grounded in my worth, and in a loving partnership. My hope in sharing is that you can see we aren't all that different, and that you feel encouraged to continue on the courageous path of healing. 🖤 If you'd like to explore my Black Friday sale — the biggest I've ever run — click here.
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#215: Resentment, Real Repair, Conflict Avoidance & Navigating Dating With Kids — ft. James ‘Fish’ Gill
In today’s episode, I’m joined by my friend James “Fish” Gill for a listener Q&A all about conflict, communication, and staying connected through hard moments.We explore some big questions, including:How to release resentment when a conflict is “resolved” but the emotional residue is still sitting in your bodyWhat real repair actually looks like, and why some apologies land while others don’tWhen a relationship swings from explosive conflict to total conflict avoidance — and how to find a healthier middle groundHow to navigate dating when kids are involved, especially when parenting differences trigger deeper fears, jealousy, or old woundsFish and I unpack the relational dynamics underneath these questions and offer compassionate, practical guidance for moving through it with more clarity, honesty, and connection.If you’re wanting to deepen your communication, repair more effectively, and understand yourself and your partner in moments of tension, this conversation will be a supportive place to land.👉🏼 My Black Friday Sale is now live — save 65% on my best-selling courses with exclusive Black Friday bundles.Connect with FishFollow Fish on InstagramVisit Fish's websiteBuy Fish's book, How to Fall in Love with Humanity
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#214: Parenting Q&A: Fears About Having Kids, Staying Connected After a Baby, Anxious-Avoidant Dynamics & More
In this special episode of On Attachment, I sit down with my partner Joel to answer your questions about our journey into parenthood with our now 18 month old son. We explore the transition to parenting, how our attachment styles have shaped the experience, and what helps us stay aligned as a couple. The conversation also covers our initial feelings about wanting kids, the surprises and challenges along the way, and the practices that keep us connected and supportive of each other. Join the Black Friday Sale waitlist hereFree ResourcesFree Break-Up Training: The 3 Shifts That Help Anxiously Attached People Heal After a Break-up Free Anxious Attachment Training: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
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#213: How to Care Less About Others' Opinions & Trust Yourself More
So many of us spend our lives orienting around what other people think of us — seeking approval, avoiding disapproval, and constantly scanning for reassurance that we’re doing, saying, and being the “right” thing.If you lean towards anxious attachment patterns, this makes perfect sense. The foundation of the anxious attachment pattern is an external orientation — learning to attune to others for safety, validation, and a sense of self. When we’ve never had a steady internal anchor, other people become our compass.But that comes at a cost. We lose touch with our own truth — our values, our preferences, our intuition — and live our lives by borrowed standards. And the more we outsource our worth, the more fragile it becomes.In this episode, we explore how to shift from being other-referenced to self-referenced:Why anxiously attached people are especially sensitive to others’ opinionsHow external orientation keeps us anxious and disconnected from ourselvesWhat it actually means to develop an internal compassPractical steps to build self-trust and integrityHow to tolerate disapproval without collapsing into shameUltimately, caring less about what others think isn’t about indifference — it’s about self-trust. When you truly respect and stand by yourself, other people’s opinions carry less weight. You stop needing to convince anyone of your worth, because you already know it.
Join relationship coach Stephanie Rigg in On Attachment, where she delves deep into all things attachment theory, love, relationships & intimacy - sharing her wisdom and experience to help you start making real changes in your life & relationships.
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