Reimagining Love with Dr. Alexandra Solomon

These days, Dr. Alexandra talks about discernment when approaching the high volume of content available in the realm of mental wellness, self-help, and relationships, so you can sift through what works for you and what doesn’t. And a guiding principle is that insight alone is not sufficient. Engaging with content that helps you go from just knowing some new things to embodying these lessons contributes to your depth of understanding and potential for healing. Today’s guest found her way into her work through eagerly reading self-help book after self-help book trying to understand herself but determined that the piece she needed for her own healing was the felt, somatic experience of being safe in relationships. And that’s not necessarily a romantic relationship, either - that is any anchoring relationship: friends, family members, mentors, pets. This guest is Jessica Baum, licensed psychotherapist and author of the books Anxiously Attached and more recently, Safe: An Attachment-Informed Guide to Building More Secure Relationships, which is the focus of this conversation. 
You will hear Dr. Alexandra and Jessica Baum discuss:
the science of how relationships offer us these healing anchors, and how to create experiences of safety in our bodies, both from the outside in, and the inside out. 
the dynamic nature of attachment styles, or patterns as Jessica calls them, which runs counter to the way many folks speak about them these days.
The Wheel of Attachment, which brings more nuance to the whole topic of attachment. 
how to begin this type of somatic work to understand our own dynamic attachment patterns and to engage our right hemisphere of the brain more often to enrich and deepen our connections. 
healing in romantic relationships, and how that’s not always available to us in every pairing - but healing through doing our own work always is! 
Resources worth mentioning from the episode:
Safe: An Attachment-Informed Guide to Building More Secure Relationships by Jessica Baum https://jessicabaumlmhc.com/safe
Conscious Relationship Group https://consciousrelationshipgroup.com/
Jessica Baum on IG @jessicabaumlmhc https://www.instagram.com/jessicabaumlmhc/?hl=en
Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:
Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s Loving Bravely newsletter: https://newsletter.dralexandrasolomon.com/
Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/

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In our modern world, we have seen a remarkable increase in anxiety and depression in people, particularly among young people, not to mention the loneliness epidemic, burnout, and stress, all of which greatly impact our sense of well-being and our ability to connect with each other. Dr. Alexandra is joined by the award-winning journalist and bestselling author, Jennifer B. Wallace, whose latest book Mattering: The Secret to Building a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose makes the case for why feeling like we matter is essential to our well-being and how prioritizing this need is a remedy to our modern mental health dilemmas. 
In this conversation, you will hear about:
some of the stories Jennie came across while researching her new book that demonstrate why mattering, well, matters. 
simple practices that folks have integrated into their daily lives to develop a sense of mattering in themselves, and to convey to others that they matter to them. 
the aspects of our culture that impact our sense of mattering and how we can respond, counterculturally, with actions that protect our “mattering core”, as Jennie calls it.
Jennie’s thoughts on flake culture (our normalization of bailing on plans) and how it harms our own sense of mattering, as well as harms those around us. 
Resources worth mentioning from the episode:
Mattering: The Secret to Building a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose by Jennifer Breheny Wallace: https://bookshop.org/p/books/mattering-the-secret-to-a-life-of-deep-connection-and-purpose-jennifer-breheny-wallace/157a47e2699950cb?ean=9780593850596&next=t
Jennifer B. Wallace’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/jenniferbrehenywallace/?hl=en
Jennifer B. Wallace’s Newsletter: https://www.jenniferbwallace.com/newsletter
Derek Thompson’s Substack article: https://www.derekthompson.org/p/whose-cup-are-you-filling
Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:
Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s Loving Bravely newsletter: https://newsletter.dralexandrasolomon.com/
Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/

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You may be surprised to hear that billionaires get divorced at roughly the same rate as the general population, which demonstrates that no amount of money protects couples from the tension that can arise when finances are at play. Dr. Alexandra often says that money is a tricky topic because at one level, it is very concrete – dollars and cents, spending and saving. But at another level, the topic of money evokes deep and meaningful questions about our core beliefs, our sense of identity, our desires, and our insecurities. To help us explore all of this, Dr. Alexandra is joined by financial-planning power couple Douglas and Heather Boneparth. 
You will hear them talk about:
why money continues to be a source of tension for couples, even after couples become objectively successful. 
“financial infidelity”, the role shame plays with it, and the Boneparths’ case for financial transparency in your relationship. 
how to get past the tangible, more surface-level topics around money to curiously dig deeper and explore why you and your partner feel the way you do about money (and spoiler alert: that story started being written long long ago!). 
how to approach prenups.
Resources worth mentioning from the episode:
Money Together: How to find fairness in your relationship and become an unstoppable financial team by Heather and Douglas Boneparth https://bookshop.org/p/books/money-together-how-to-find-fairness-in-your-relationship-and-become-an-unstoppable-financial-team-douglas-boneparth/273465fcc086fc3d
Subscribe to The Joint Account newsletter: https://www.readthejointaccount.com/
Learn more about The Boneparths: https://domoneytogether.com/
Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:
Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s Loving Bravely newsletter: https://newsletter.dralexandrasolomon.com/
Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/

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Dr. Alexandra is joined by sobriety influencer, podcast host, and author, Suzanne Warye, and her husband, Russell Warye, to talk about the role alcohol played for them at various stages of their lives and their respective journeys towards sobriety. You’ll hear them talk about the trouble with approaching alcohol with moderation, how shame becomes entwined with alcohol use, and how sobriety clears the landing for self-compassion and worthiness. Throughout, they discuss how their sobriety journeys impacted their relationship, both when Suzanne pursued sobriety first and then years later, when Russell followed suit. 
Resources worth mentioning from the episode:
The Sober Shift by Suzanne Warye: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-sober-shift-a-modern-day-guide-to-living-an-abundant-sober-life-suzanne-warye/016d6eef4f5d0831?ean=9780063437616&next=t
Suzanne Warye’s Podcast The Sober Mom Life, When Your Partner Stops Drinking (With My Husband!) https://thesobermomlife.com/2024/07/22/when-your-partner-stops-drinking/
Suzanne Warye’s Podcast The Sober Mom Life, How Sobriety Affects Your Relationship: https://thesobermomlife.com/2022/08/22/how-sobriety-affects-your-relationship/
Learn more about Suzanne Warye: https://mykindofsweet.com/about-suzanne/
Reimagining Love episode, “I Think I’ve Outgrown My Relationship!”: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/i-think-ive-outgrown-my-relationship/id1588419386?i=1000739258061
Thriving Through the Holiday Chaos on MasterClass: http://masterclass.com/holidays
Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:
Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s newsletter: https://www.dralexandrasolomon.com/
Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/

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This is our 200th episode of Reimagining Love! And to celebrate, Dr. Alexandra is in-studio with her husband, Todd, to answer your questions. They cover topics such as emotional interdependency versus codependency, infidelity and avoidant attachment, resentment in a marriage, identifying needs in a situationship, and navigating grief and identity formation after divorce.
Thank you so much for submitting your listener questions! Even when they are not selected for these Mailbag-type episodes, they continually inform our content.
We love to hear from you! Submit a Listener Question here:
https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
Watch the In-studio conversation on YouTube: https://youtu.be/whTJXMovXrM?si=o_tuVN-KLXA-O1sg&t=7
Resources worth mentioning from the episode:
Thriving Through the Holiday Chaos on MasterClass: http://masterclass.com/holidays
For Question 2 (infidelity + avoidant attachment) -
Dr. Alexandra’s E-Course  - Can I Trust You Again? (rebuilding after betrayal or deceit) https://courses.dralexandrasolomon.com/can-i-trust-you-again-rebuilding-after-betrayal-or-deceit
Reimagining Love episode, When You’re the Affair Partner https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/when-youre-the-affair-partner/
Reimagining Love Episodes on Attachment:
Healing Attachment Wounds in Relationships: The Felt Sense of Safety and Presence with Jessica Baum: https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/healing-attachment-wounds-in-relationships-the-felt/id1588419386?i=1000746825889
From the Inside Out: Attachment Theory & Mindful Parenting with Dr. Dan Siegel: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/from-the-inside-out-attachment-theory-mindful-parenting-with-dr-dan-siegel/
Exploring Attachment: Transform Your Relationship Patterns with Thais Gibson: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/exploring-attachment-transform-your-relationship-patterns/
Secure Attachments: The Felt Sense of Love with Julie Menanno: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/secure-attachments-the-felt-sense-of-love-with-julie-menanno/
For Question 3 (resentment in marriage) -
Reimagining Love episode, My 9 Favorite Resentment-Busting Strategies https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/my-9-favorite-resentment-busting-strategies/
Reimagining Love episode, When Shame Blocks Repair https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/when-shame-blocks-repair/
For Question 4 (identifying needs in situationship) -
Reimagining Love episode, Is Your “Situationship” Working? https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/is-your-situationship-working/
Dr. Alexandra’s E-Course - Intimate Relationships 101: https://courses.dralexandrasolomon.com/offers/Q7LEbtEX/checkout
For Question 5 (navigating grief and identity formation after divorce) -
Reimagining Love episode, Guidance for the Newly Single: 5 Strategies for Stability and Healing https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/guidance-for-the-newly-single/
Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:
Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s newsletter: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/
Learn from Dr. Alexandra (E-courses: Intimate Relationships 101 or Can I Trust You Again?): https://dralexandrasolomon.com/learn-from-alexandra/
Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/

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