Shameless Sex

What if you're kinky and your partner isn't? Former dominatrix Amanda Dames on mismatched desire and sharing fantasies without pressure.
Amanda, known as The Kink Consultant, is a board-certified sexologist and Somatica®-certified sex and relationship coach who hosts The Kink Consultant Podcast. She tells Amy and April what a typical day as a professional dominatrix looked like and what that job taught her about relationships. She also explains how she ended up with a spanking fetish at age 5. (Yes, 5.)
Then we get into something that shows up in a lot of long-term relationships: one partner wants something the other doesn't. Amanda explains why mismatched desire is so common, what happens when desires stay hidden, and how to bring up a kink so your partner feels free to say no.
In this episode, you'll learn:
What mismatched desire is and why it's so common in long-term relationships
Amanda's tools for couples with different levels of desire
Some of the most surprising fantasies and kinks she's heard from clients
Her top tips for bringing up a kink or fantasy with your partner
How to share a fantasy without making your partner feel like they have to participate
What to do when your partner is a no to something that matters to your sexual needs, including when one of you is kinky and the other isn't
Where to find Amanda: http://amandadames.com and @the_kinkconsultant on Instagram

Plus, we answer a sex question about sex toy addiction and compulsive sex toy shopping. (Your cart full of vibrators is safe here.) We also share how our Advanced Couples Retreat sold out in under an hour.
Amanda's work has been featured in Cosmopolitan, Women's Health, HuffPost, The Knot and Court TV. Through coaching and workshops, she helps individuals and couples explore kink and power exchange with more confidence and consent.
Free guides:
Talk to your partner about your desires: https://www.amandadames.com/Speak-Your-Desires-with-Confidence-opt-in-1
BDSM Checklist/Kink Menu: https://www.amandadames.com/kinkmenuIG
Podcast: https://www.amandadames.com/pod

Do you love us? Do you REALLY love us? Then order our book now! Go to shamelesssex.com to snag your copy
Support Shameless Sex by sending us gifts via our Amazon Wish List
Follow us on IG @shamelesssexpodcast
Learn more about our retreats: https://www.shamelesssex.com/retreat

Other links:
Get 10% off getting soaking wet with code SHAMELESS at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://soakingwet.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
Bring the heat back into your sex life with $10 off your first month at http://getarya.com/shameless
Get 10% off + free shipping with code SHAMELESS on Uberlube AKA our favorite lubricant at http://uberlube.com
Get 15% off April's favorite vibrator - the Magic Wand Waterproof (and other sexy items) with code SHAMELESSSEX at http://purepleasureshop.com

What if the secret to a better sex life has less to do with performance—and more to do with your overall health?
This week, we're joined by Dr. Rena Malik, board-certified urologist, pelvic surgeon, and globally recognized sexual health expert whose educational videos have reached more than half a billion views and earned the trust of over 3 million subscribers.
In this candid, science-backed conversation, Dr. Malik tackles the questions many men think about but are often too embarrassed to ask: Does size really matter? What should you know about testosterone, semen, and prostate health? What actually determines sexual performance? And how can you build a more satisfying, confident, and fulfilling sex life—for the long haul?
With her signature combination of medical expertise, honesty, and humor, Dr. Malik cuts through misinformation and replaces outdated myths with practical advice men can actually use. From stronger erections and greater stamina to hormone health, mental confidence, and deeper intimacy, this conversation goes far beyond what happens in the bedroom.
We explore:
The Pillar Protocol: The simple, science-backed habits that build the foundation for lifelong sexual health, vitality, and performance.
The Vital Sign Your Doctor Might Be Missing: Why erectile dysfunction can be an early warning sign of heart disease, diabetes, and metabolic dysfunction—and what you can do about it.
The Performance Formula: Evidence-based strategies to improve erection quality, build stamina, and overcome the anxiety that can undermine sexual confidence.
Mental Clarity: How porn myths, unrealistic expectations, and performance pressure affect your sex life—and how to reclaim confidence.
The Truth About Testosterone: What actually lowers testosterone, what doesn't, and how to support healthy hormone levels without falling for the latest wellness fad.
Better Together: How communication, connection, and practical changes can transform your relationship and create a more fulfilling sex life for both partners.

This is about more than better sex. It's about understanding your body, protecting your health, and taking ownership of your vitality as you age.
Whether you want to improve your performance, understand your hormones, strengthen your relationship, or simply get honest answers to questions you've been afraid to ask, this episode delivers the medical facts without the awkwardness.
No shame. No guesswork. No gimmicks. Just the hard truth about men's sexual health.
To learn more or to purchase her book go to https://renamalikmd.com
Subscribe to her popular YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@RenaMalikMD

Do you love us? Do you REALLY love us? Then order ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠our book⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ now! Go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠shamelesssex.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to snag your copy
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Learn more about our retreats: ⁠https://www.shamelesssex.com/retreat⁠

Other links:
Take Amy's The Art of Great Head online class on the Killing Kittens app: https://app.wearexapp.com/
Get turned on anywhere, anytime with Dipsea + get a week FREE and then 25% at ⁠⁠http://dipseastories.com/shameless⁠
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What if being the “easygoing” one, always saying yes, and putting everyone else’s needs first is actually keeping you from knowing your own worth?
In this episode, we sit down with Thais Gibson, counselor, speaker, Ph.D., and founder of The Personal Development School, to explore the hidden connection between people-pleasing, attachment styles, and self-worth. With expertise in over 13 therapeutic modalities, Thais shares her insights into why we develop these patterns, how they show up in our relationships, and what it takes to break free from them.
We dive into why people-pleasing is so common, how our upbringing can shape our need for approval, and the subtle ways we abandon ourselves to keep others happy. We also explore why even the most reasonable boundaries can feel uncomfortable, and how to recognize when being agreeable comes at the expense of your own needs.
Plus, we unpack the difference between genuine confidence and conditional self-worth. Why do so many of us measure our value by how useful, successful, attractive, agreeable, or wanted we are? And how can we begin to feel worthy simply because of who we are, rather than what we do for others?
Thais shares practical tools for building a stronger sense of self-worth, setting boundaries with greater confidence, and creating healthier, more fulfilling relationships. We wrap up with her top tips for strengthening your self-worth and learning to show up as your most authentic self.
In this episode, we explore:
What The Personal Development School is all about and Thais’s approach to attachment theory.
Why people-pleasing develops and how childhood experiences can shape our patterns.
The obvious and more subtle signs of people-pleasing.
Why setting boundaries can feel so difficult, even when they’re completely reasonable.
The difference between genuine confidence and conditional self-worth.
How even highly successful and seemingly confident people can struggle with feeling worthy.
Practical tools to stop tying your value to achievement, appearance, approval, or being needed.
Thais’s top tips for building lasting self-worth.

About our guest: Thais Gibson
Thais Gibson is a counselor, speaker, and leader in the personal development field. She holds a Ph.D. and is certified in over 13 modalities, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, NLP, somatic processing, and trauma work. Drawing on her academic training, personal experience, and client-based research, she developed Gibson Integrated Attachment Theory™ and founded The Personal Development School, which offers in-depth programs, courses, and modules focused on personal growth, emotional healing, and relationships.
Connect with Thais:
Website: http://personaldevelopmentschool.com
Take her quiz: https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/quiz
Instagram: @thepersonaldevelopmentschool
YouTube: @thepersonaldevelopmentschool
Podcast: The Thais Gibson Podcast

If you’ve ever struggled to say no, felt responsible for everyone else’s happiness, or found yourself questioning your worth when you’re not being productive or pleasing others, this conversation is for you. It’s time to stop earning your worth and start learning how to believe in it.

Learn more about our retreats: ⁠https://www.shamelesssex.com/retreat
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Support Shameless Sex by sending us gifts via our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Amazon Wish List⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
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Other links:
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Learn new creative ways to play with touch with your partner with The Glows at https://feeltheglows.com

In this episode, we sit down with Justin Adams, founder of The Dominance Academy, to explore dominance as something far deeper than bedroom technique, power, or performance. A Brooklyn-based practitioner and educator, Justin approaches dominance as a discipline of character rooted in self-authored ethics, ritual, self-awareness, and the responsibility that comes with being trusted by another person.
Drawing on Taoism, Stoicism, and Jungian shadow integration, Justin offers a thoughtful alternative to both Manosphere masculinity and the often-sanitized conversations surrounding mainstream kink culture. We get into the psychology of power, the difference between healthy authority and pathological control, and why true dominance begins with mastering yourself.
We also unpack nice guy syndrome and how people-pleasing, fear of rejection, and unspoken expectations can undermine confidence, intimacy, and sexual dynamics. Is dominance something every man can benefit from learning, even if he doesn't identify as kinky? And what separates a man who simply likes being in control in the bedroom from someone who understands the responsibility of wielding power?
From building trust and practicing healthy dominance to exploring how BDSM can foster deeper communication and stronger relationships, Justin shares practical insights for anyone interested in becoming more intentional in their relationships and sexuality.
We also discuss his forthcoming book, Way of Surrender: The Tao of BDSM, which explores a compelling paradox: the Dominant surrenders to the Tao, while the submissive surrenders to the Dominant. Plus, we talk about his work giving submissives a platform to share their own experiences and perspectives, challenging the tendency to speak about them rather than listen to them.
In this conversation, we explore:
Dominance as a discipline of character rather than a collection of techniques
The difference between healthy dominance, control, and manipulation
Why dominance isn't necessarily synonymous with kink
Nice guy syndrome, people-pleasing, and the dynamics of desire
Practical tools for developing confidence and healthy authority
How BDSM can deepen trust, communication, and intimacy
Why sexual dominance without education or preparation can be problematic
The philosophy of surrender, power exchange, and personal responsibility

Whether you're curious about BDSM, interested in masculine identity and personal growth, or looking to build more honest, intentional relationships, this conversation challenges conventional ideas about power, masculinity, and what it truly means to lead.
Learn more about Justin's work and The Dominance Academy at https://thedominanceacademy.com/
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@thedominanceacademy
Substack: https://open.substack.com/pub/thedominanceacademy

Learn more about our retreats: ⁠https://www.shamelesssex.com/retreat
Do you love us? Do you REALLY love us? Then order ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠our book⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ now! Go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠shamelesssex.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to snag your copy
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Other links:
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Get 10% off + free shipping with code SHAMELESS on Uberlube AKA our favorite lubricant at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://uberlube.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
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This episode is with repeat guests Alicia and Erwan Davon and is all about upping your blowjobs skills. #258 was all about using hands and mouths for oral pleasure. Now let’s get more advanced! We discuss:
*The common issues/fears people have around giving blowjobs
*The common issues penis owners have around receiving
*Basics/1.0 level skills people should know about
*How Tantra can it take oral sex even deeper/to the advanced level
*Advanced oral sex tips for the giver
*Advanced oral sex tips for the receiver
*Whether actions such as swallowing and the money shot matter
More about our guests: Erwan and Alicia Davon are the foremost Tantra teachers in the San Francisco Bay Area and the creators of the Davon Method, their signature approach to love, intimacy, and connection.
For over 22 years, this married couple has taught more than 22,000 students through group programs, retreats, and private sessions — guiding singles into lasting relationships and helping couples thrive. Their method blends academic backgrounds in psychology with the principles of Zen Buddhism into a holistic path for deepening connection with yourself and others. As the Bay Area's go-to teachers for all things romantic and sexual, they now reach students worldwide through online learning.
Erwan studied psychology and graduated with honors, drawing on both a challenging childhood and an early immersion in therapeutic work. He went on to live and study in a Zen monastery, direct a yoga ashram, train in cutting-edge sensual practices, and teach personal development at one of the world's largest personal-growth organizations. In 1995, his passion for teaching led him to found the Davon Method, dedicated to helping people build extraordinary romantic relationships.
Alicia holds a Master's degree in Integral Psychology, with a focus on women's romantic and sexual expression. She has led numerous women's groups devoted to female pleasure and fulfillment across career, relationship, and life. She met Erwan 23 years ago and began teaching alongside him a year later.
Together, Erwan and Alicia have spent more than two decades refining a curriculum and a set of techniques that create a safe, welcoming space to grow. Whether you want to build chemistry, deepen connection, communicate more openly, or reignite passion, their guidance meets you where you are — and makes the process genuinely fun. Get ready: working with them is a blast. To learn more go to: https://davonmethod.com/
Follow them on IG @davonmethod
Find them on Linked In: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alicia-davon/
To set up a consultation:
415 308 9580
https://davonmethod.com/consult

Learn more about our retreats: ⁠https://www.shamelesssex.com/retreat
Do you love us? Do you REALLY love us? Then order ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠our book⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ now! Go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠shamelesssex.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to snag your copy
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Other links:
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Bring the heat back into your sex life with $10 off your first month at http://getarya.com/shameless
Get turned on anywhere, anytime with Dipsea + get a week FREE and then 25% at ⁠⁠http://dipseastories.com/shameless⁠
Get 10% off + free shipping with code SHAMELESS on Uberlube AKA our favorite lubricant at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://uberlube.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
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