Turning 60: On Perfection, Enlightenment, and Other Lies We’re Sold
In this very personal episode, Mark shares candid reflections on turning 60 — and the lifelong journey from feeling responsible for fixing the world, to finally embracing what it means to simply be.He opens up about childhood moments that shaped him, the weight of perfectionism, and the myth of “enlightenment” that led him into high-control groups. Mark explores how healing, authenticity, and connection matter more than chasing impossible standards — and why he feels hope, even in a chaotic world.Resources mentioned:Modern Wisdom podcast — Chris Williamson interviewing Joe HudsonMark’s website for podcast comments: https://www.markvicente.com/podcastSupport the showThe views and opinions expressed on WTF is on my Mind?! do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the podcast or Mark Vicente. Any content provided by guests are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, group, club, organization, business individual, anyone or anything. Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/MarkVicenteWebsite: www.markvicente.comYoutube: https://www.youtube.com/@markvicente7Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/markvicente/X: https://x.com/markvicenteTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mark_vicenteFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/markvicente/
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24:23
Leaving the Cult w/ Richard Grannon
What happens when you leave a cult—but the cult is still running a program in your mind?In this episode, Mark Vicente sits down with author and trauma educator Richard Grannon to explore the long tail of coercive control. They talk about the psychological residue that lingers after you’ve exited—whether it’s from a high-control group, a toxic relationship, or a narcissistic parent.They dive into: • Why so many survivors still feel loyal to their abuser • How cult leaders get internalized as “voices” in your head • The danger of anti-victim rhetoric and spiritual gaslighting • Narcissistic defenses and why people minimize their own abuse • The importance of grief, humility, and moral clarity in healingThis isn’t just about cults. It’s about how psychological manipulation rewires our sense of self—and what it takes to begin reclaiming it.Richard GrannonYoutube Channel https://www.instagram.com/richard.grannon/Explore our course on cult dynamics and narcissistic abuse: https://members.richardgrannon.com/narcissistic-cults-decoded-courseListen to the episode with Karen, a former NXIVM member of 40 years: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/wtf-is-on-my-mind/id1646783869?i=1000710733086Support the showThe views and opinions expressed on WTF is on my Mind?! do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the podcast or Mark Vicente. Any content provided by guests are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, group, club, organization, business individual, anyone or anything. Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/MarkVicenteWebsite: www.markvicente.comYoutube: https://www.youtube.com/@markvicente7Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/markvicente/X: https://x.com/markvicenteTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mark_vicenteFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/markvicente/
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30:30
40 Years Under His Spell: Waking Up from NXIVM
Episode Summary:In this deeply intimate conversation, Mark sits down with his old friend Karen Unterreiner — a woman who spent four decades at the epicenter of what the world came to know as NXIVM. Once a high-ranking member, deeply entangled both professionally and personally with Keith Raniere, Karen shares her long journey of waking up from psychological captivity.What does it mean to have your entire adult identity shaped by someone else’s manipulative design? How do you start to rebuild a self when that self was never fully yours to begin with?Karen and Mark dive into the mechanics of grooming, the slow erosion of boundaries, and the double binds that kept people loyal. They unpack the devastating misuse of “ethics” as a weapon, the shame loops that silenced dissent, and the emotional landmines survivors navigate when they begin to deprogram.Together, they reflect on friendship, betrayal, and the unexpected ways connection can spark liberation — even years after separation.This episode is not just about NXIVM. It’s about the broader pattern of coercive control — in groups, relationships, families, and institutions — and what it takes to truly reclaim your mind.⚠️ Content Warning:This episode contains discussion of psychological abuse, grooming, coercive control, gaslighting, and long-term trauma. Please listen with care.Support the showThe views and opinions expressed on WTF is on my Mind?! do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the podcast or Mark Vicente. Any content provided by guests are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, group, club, organization, business individual, anyone or anything. Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/MarkVicenteWebsite: www.markvicente.comYoutube: https://www.youtube.com/@markvicente7Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/markvicente/X: https://x.com/markvicenteTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mark_vicenteFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/markvicente/
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1:19:32
Dinner for Vampires Part 2 w/ Bethany Joy Lenz
Breaking the Spell — Motherhood, Escape & Reclaiming her Voice | Part 2In Part 2 of this powerful conversation, Bethany Joy Lenz — actor, singer, and author of Dinner for Vampires — continues her story of life inside a high-control religious group while navigating fame on One Tree Hill.This episode picks up where we left off: unpacking the emotional, spiritual, and psychological cost of living under manipulation — and what it takes to reclaim your voice once you’re out.We talk about:- The lingering effects of indoctrination- The intensity of public life versus private suppression- Shame, perfectionism, and the fear of being “bad”- Narcissistic dynamics in spiritual systems- Expressing rage and grief through artJoy speaks with clarity, insight, and zero performative fluff — just one survivor speaking truthfully about the systems that tried to define her… and the long process of becoming herself again.📚 Buy the Book📖 Dinner for Vampires: Life on a Cult TV Show (While Also in an Actual Cult!) by Bethany Joy Lenz Follow Bethany Joy Lenz →https://www.instagram.com/msbethanyjoylenz/Support the showThe views and opinions expressed on WTF is on my Mind?! do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the podcast or Mark Vicente. Any content provided by guests are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, group, club, organization, business individual, anyone or anything. Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/MarkVicenteWebsite: www.markvicente.comYoutube: https://www.youtube.com/@markvicente7Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/markvicente/X: https://x.com/markvicenteTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mark_vicenteFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/markvicente/
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50:10
Dinner for Vampires Part 1 w/ Bethany Joy Lenz
Living Two Lives — Hollywood Fame & Hidden Cult Control | Part 1“You can’t be human here.”In Part 1 of this raw and revelatory conversation, One Tree Hill star Bethany Joy Lenz opens up about the decade she spent inside a high-control religious group — all while filming a hit TV show and hiding a double life.We talk about:- The slow creep of coercive control masked as faith- The emotional and spiritual suppression that comes with people-pleasing- The inner split of being both artist and captive- How spiritual language is used to dominate- What it feels like to finally scream, “Fck God, Fck Jesus, Fck everything”* — and why that moment was sacredThis isn’t just an interview. It’s a conversation between two people who’ve lived inside systems that punished authenticity and praised obedience. What emerged is a vulnerable, unfiltered exchange about waking up, falling apart, and coming home to yourself.👉 Part 2 drops next week, where we go even deeper into Joy’s escape, motherhood, financial exploitation, and her journey to rebuild trust and voice.📚 Buy the Book📖 Dinner for Vampires: Life on a Cult TV Show (While Also in an Actual Cult!) by Bethany Joy Lenz Follow Bethany Joy Lenz →https://www.instagram.com/msbethanyjoylenz/Support the showThe views and opinions expressed on WTF is on my Mind?! do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the podcast or Mark Vicente. Any content provided by guests are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, group, club, organization, business individual, anyone or anything. Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/MarkVicenteWebsite: www.markvicente.comYoutube: https://www.youtube.com/@markvicente7Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/markvicente/X: https://x.com/markvicenteTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mark_vicenteFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/markvicente/
Author, Speaker, Whistleblower and award-winning Director Mark Vicente was behind the sleeper hit “What The Bleep Do We Know?!” Several books have been written about the film’s remarkable grassroots marketing campaign, which led to its unprecedented success.Mark was born in Johannesburg, South Africa in 1965. Taking his first photograph at age four, he quickly discovered his passion for being behind the camera. After attending film and drama school in South Africa, he began working his way up the ranks of the camera department, from Assistant to Operator to Cinematographer. His first big break came as Director of Photography on the musical “SARAFINA,” starring Whoopi Goldberg. In 1992, he set his sights on Hollywood and relocated to Los Angeles to shoot his first studio picture for Disney; “FATHERHOOD,” starring Patrick Swayze and Halle Berry. At the age of 26, he became one of the youngest cinematographers to shoot a big-budget studio picture. Over the next few decades, he went on to shoot an additional 14 feature films and numerous documentaries, music videos and commercials. Mark soon found there were in him, untold stories he desperately wanted to express as a Director. He was driven by the conviction that tales of greatness, nobility and introspection could be exciting and financially successful. Perhaps because of the very obvious race and class iniquities in South Africa, he found himself propelled to question certain fundamental assumptions at a very young age. Beliefs about human behavior, cosmology, religion, existentialism and mysticism. Along the way, he stumbled into a few situations where leaders with malignant pathologies (masquerading as saintly philosophers) spoke the talk of self-improvement but did untold damage to their followers... and him. Looking back, he can now say he has been in at least two cults. His last foray into personal growth and his defection from NXIVM was chronicled in the HBO series “The Vow”. Mark and a few plucky whistleblowers exposed the criminal activities of the organization, resulting in multiple arrests and indictments. He doesn’t consider himself a cult expert, but by his own admission, “I’m an expert in being screwed over, waking up, and knowing how to spot them.” He’s got a pretty salty approach to most things and is fascinated by the myriad patterns in the human psychodynamic that create the best and the worst in civilization. Join Mark as he unpacks a whole range of topics to do with: Psychology, Consciousness, Morality, Narcissistic Abuse, Spirituality, Cults, Propaganda, Science, Filmmaking, and Philosophy.You never quite know what you’re going to get, as it really does depend on… WTF is on his mind?!
Brasil