Come As You Are

A listener in his eighties wants to know if there’s an expiration date on his sex life, and how to reconnect in the bedroom with his wife. Luckily, Emily is writing a new book about sex in long-term relationships. She delves deep into what the research reveals about couples who sustain a strong sexual connection over many years. Plus, she shares practical, science-backed sex advice on aging and navigating your changing body.
 
If you have a question for Emily, call the Come As You Are hotline at (646) 397-8557‬ or send a voice memo to emily@pushkin.fm. Tell us your pronouns and pseudonym (pick a name, any name!) Your question might be answered on the show.
Books mentioned by Emily: 
“Magnificent Sex” by Dr. Peggy Kleinplatz 
“Black Girls Guide to Surviving Menopause” by Omisade Burney-Scott
“What Fresh Hell Is This?” by Heather Corinna
“Why Good Sex Matters” by Nan Wise
”Couples Sexuality After 60” by Barry and Emily M
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week, Emily answers a question from her producer, Mo, about consent. Mo and her girlfriend are considering a new sexual experience but they’re not both an “enthusiastic yes” on the idea. Mo’s girlfriend joins the conversation, and they delve into the idea of “enthusiastic maybe” in consent and how to handle all the comfortable, joyful, and consensual “maybes” that can come up in sex. A heads up before listening: in this conversation, we touch on difficult topics such as coercion and manipulation in sex. If this episode brings up some feelings for you, check out our resources below.
If you have a question for Emily, call the Come As You Are hotline at (646) 397-8557‬ or send a voice memo to emily@pushkin.fm. Tell us your pronouns and pseudonym (pick a name, any name!) Your question might be answered on the show. 
 
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: 
“ACE: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire Society” by Angela Chen 
Emily learned the language of “willing consent” from Suzanne Iasenza
For more on “human givers” and “human winners” read “Burnout” 
Emily’s Tiktok 
Emily’s definition of consent: “Everyone is glad to be there and free to leave with no unwanted consequences. Plus, there is no unwanted pain.”
 
CONSENT AND SURVIVOR RESOURCES: 
RAINN on consent and information for sexual assault survivors 
National Sexual Violence Resource Center
Me Too Movement Resource Library 
 
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We switch things up this week as Mo challenges Emily to watch and rate a sex scene from the popular TV show “Ted Lasso." Emily rarely watches sex scenes since they often create the myths she works so hard to dispel, but she agrees to endure this torture for the good of our sex education. The scene prompts a deep conversation about vulnerability in sex, the absolute prison of masculinity, and what the dual control model can teach us about our porn habits.
If you have a question for Emily, call the Come As You Are hotline at (646) 397-8557‬ or send a voice memo to emily@pushkin.fm. Tell us your pronouns and pseudonym (pick a name, any name!) Your question might be answered on the show.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Emily answers calls from listeners who are struggling with their orgasms, and debunks several myths about where orgasm happens in the body. She also explains how we can train our brains to change our experience of orgasm with some practice… and a little dismantling of the patriarchy.

If you have a question for Emily, call the Come As You Are hotline at (646) 397-8557‬ or send a voice memo to emily@pushkin.fm. Tell us your pronouns and pseudonym (pick a name, any name!) Your question might be answered on the show.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For some people, sexual desire shows up totally spontaneously and out of the blue. But that’s not the case for this week’s listener, who wants to have sex with their girlfriend, but isn't feeling the same excitement as they did at beginning of the relationship. Emily introduces the science of responsive desire, which is not only totally normal and healthy, but also a more common way of experiencing desire.
You can take Petra Zebroff's Questionnaire for Turn-on Initiation Preferences here.
 If you have a question for Emily, call the Come As You Are hotline at (646) 397-8557‬ or send a voice memo to emily@pushkin.fm. Tell us your pronouns and pseudonym (pick a name, any name!) Your question might be answered on the show. 
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.