Handful of Leaves | Mindfulness & Buddhism in Everyday Life

Why do we feel like we’re never enough even when everything seems “fine” on the outside? In this heartfelt conversation, Haemin Sunim unpacks the hidden roots of unworthiness, revealing how our deepest insecurities are often shaped by childhood survival instincts and our need to belong. Through gentle wisdom and practical insights, he shows us how to reconnect with our inner child, shift our attention away from negativity, and rediscover a sense of peace and intrinsic worth that has always been within us.
✨ Key Takeaways:
🧠 Why your brain is wired to seek validation Your brain is built to scan for threats. So approval feels like safety, making you rely on external validation.
👶 How childhood survival shapes adult anxiety As a child, you adapted to be liked and accepted to feel safe and cared for. This shows up in adulthood as anxiety, people pleasing, and fear of rejection.
🌱 The hidden link between belonging and self-worth
When acceptance is at risk, it’s easy to believe “I’m not enough.” This is why self-worth often becomes dependent on feeling included and liked.
✨ A simple way to retrain your attention away from negativity
Your mind naturally focuses on what’s wrong, overlooking what’s good. Where you place your attention shapes how you experience your life.
#SelfWorth #InnerHealing #Neuroplasticity #InnerChild #SelfLove #HealingJourney #BuddhistWisdom #PersonalGrowth #HaeminSunim
About the Speaker:
👤 Haemin Sunim is a globally respected Zen meditation teacher and international bestselling author known for his deeply practical approach to modern spirituality. His books have sold over six million copies worldwide and have been translated into more than thirty-eight languages.
Ordained in the Korean Zen tradition, Haemin Sunim received monastic training in South Korea before pursuing academic study in religion at the University of California, Berkeley, Harvard University, and Princeton University, where he earned his doctorate. Today, he continues to teach and inspire audiences around the world through international talks, retreats, and his widely read writings.

📄 Transcript: https://bit.ly/hol-ep-69v

⏱Timestamps:
(00:22) Meet Haemin Sunim: From Harvard to Monkhood
(01:02) The Hidden Loneliness of Your Inner Child
(02:27) Why We Seek Approval (Childhood Survival Instincts)
(04:20) The Fear of Rejection = A “Death Sentence”?
(05:44) People Pleasing & Outsourcing Your Self-Worth
(07:04) You Already Have the Love You’re Seeking
(07:29) What People Secretly Hide Behind Their Smiles
(08:47) Rewiring Your Mind: Escaping Negative Thinking
(10:21) A Simple Night Routine to Train Gratitude
(12:25) How to Reset When You’re Stressed (10 sec → 20 min methods)
(15:19) Dopamine vs Serotonin: Why You Feel Empty After Scrolling
(18:00) Addiction Isn’t the Problem—What Are You Avoiding?
(19:30) Love = Attention (A Surprising Redefinition)
(20:11) Relationships as Mirrors: What They Reveal About You
(22:00) Healing Patterns: Why You Keep Getting Hurt
(24:14) Reparenting Yourself: Giving What You Never Received
(24:30) Cheryl’s Reflection: Letting Go of Validation
(26:11) Cheryl’s Reflection: Love Was Never “Taken” From You

Resources:
Haenim Sunim Website: https://www.haeminsunim.com/

Special thanks to our sponsors:
Buddhist Youth Network, Lim Soon Kiat, Alvin Chan, Tan Key Seng, Soh Hwee Hoon, Geraldine Tay, Venerable You Guang, Wilson Ng, Diga, Joyce, Tan Jia Yee, Joanne, Suñña, Shuo Mei, Arif, Bernice, Wee Teck, Andrew Yam, Kan Rong Hui, Wei Li Quek, Shirley Shen, Ezra, Joanne Chan, Hsien Li Siaw, Gillian Ang, Wang Shiow Mei, Ong Chye Chye, Melvin, Yoke Kuen, Nai Kai Lee, Amelia Toh, Hannah Law, Shin Hui Chong, Dennis Lee, Kayliam, Darren

🙏 Sponsor us: https://handfulofleaves.life/support/

🎬 Editor:Karen Law
✍️ Transcribers: Cheryl Cheah, Tan Si Jing, Ng Yah Tyng🎨 Visuals & Sound: Anton Thorne, Tan Pei Shan, Ang You Shan
Get connected here: ⁠Telegram⁠ ⁠Instagram⁠ ⁠YouTube⁠ ⁠Facebook

In this episode, Cheryl sits down with Ajahn Nisabho to explore a powerful question many practitioners quietly wrestle with: with so many Buddhist paths available, why commit deeply to one?
Drawing from his journey in the Thai Forest Tradition, Ajahn Nisabho shares how commitment is less about limitation and more about depth and sincerity. Through his experience training as a monk and helping to build a monastery in the West, he reflects on how practice, service, and community are not competing priorities, but interconnected expressions of the same path.
This conversation offers a grounded look at how the Dhamma can remain authentic while meeting the needs of a modern, diverse world, showing that with care and clarity, depth and accessibility can coexist without losing the essence of the teachings.

✨ Key Takeaways:

🧘‍♂️  I don’t think the Dhamma makes us choose.
True Dhamma doesn’t force a choice between inner practice and outer service. When held wisely, both can deepen each other. A powerful reminder that practice and service, seclusion and community, can coexist when held with wisdom.

🤝  This hunger for… spiritual friendship and community is very deep in people’s hearts.
In a disconnected world, kalyanamitta is not optional, it is essential to the path, especially in a fragmented, modern world. 

🌱 Give where you feel inspired.
Whether through time, energy, or intention, true generosity (dāna) begins with genuine inspiration not from pressure or obligation.

#Dana #Generosity #HeartLedLife #Balance #DhammaInLife #Community #Kalyanamitta #SpiritualGrowth

About the Speaker:
👤 Ajahn Nisabho is a Buddhist monk in the Thai Forest Tradition and a founding teacher of Clear Mountain Monastery. After completing college in 2012, he left his native Washington to ordain in Thailand, seeking a life dedicated to meditation and the pursuit of liberation. He received full ordination the following year under Ajahn Anan, a senior disciple of the renowned meditation master Ajahn Chah.

Over the next several years, Ajahn Nisabho trained in forest monasteries across the world under respected teachers including Ajahn Pasanno and Ajahn Jayasaro.

In 2021, he returned to the United States and began laying the foundation for Clear Mountain Monastery in Seattle, with the aim of creating a place where the timeless teachings of the Buddha can take root and flourish for contemporary practitioners.

📄 Transcript: https://bit.ly/hol-ep-68

⏱Timestamps:
(00:00) Why commit to one Buddhist path?
(00:25) Podcast intro & guest introduction
(00:56) Ajahn Nisabho’s journey into monastic life
(02:52) Vision of Clear Mountain monastery
(03:47) Balancing practice, service & responsibility
(05:21) The joy of giving (Dāna) & community role
(07:55) Building a community-first monastery
(10:33) The modern need for spiritual community
(13:36) How to support the monastery meaningfully
(18:35) Balancing accessibility vs deep teachings
(22:11) Insights from science, interviews & tradition
(25:25) Teaching without compromise & closing reflection

Resources:
Clear Mountain Project: https://www.friendsofclearmountain.org/
Clear Mountain Youtube :  @ClearMountainMonastery  
Clear Mountain Website: https://www.clearmountainmonastery.org/

Special thanks to our sponsors:
Buddhist Youth Network, Lim Soon Kiat, Alvin Chan, Tan Key Seng, Soh Hwee Hoon, Geraldine Tay, Venerable You Guang, Wilson Ng, Diga, Joyce, Tan Jia Yee, Joanne, Suñña, Shuo Mei, Arif, Bernice, Wee Teck, Andrew Yam, Kan Rong Hui, Wei Li Quek, Shirley Shen, Ezra, Joanne Chan, Hsien Li Siaw, Gillian Ang, Wang Shiow Mei, Ong Chye Chye, Melvin, Yoke Kuen, Nai Kai Lee, Amelia Toh, Hannah Law, Shin Hui Chong, Dennis Lee, Kayliam, Darren

🙏 Sponsor us: https://handfulofleaves.life/support/

🎬 Editor: Dexel Loo
✍️ Transcribers: Cheryl Cheah, Tan Si Jing, Ng Yah Tyng
🎨 Visuals & Sound: Anton Thorne, Tan Pei Shan, Ang You Shan

Get connected here: Telegram Instagram YouTube Facebook

Many couples don’t fall apart because of a lack of love — they drift because they stop listening, growing, and meeting each other where they are. In this episode, Cheryl sits down with Angela, founder of Almost Peaceful, to explore why some relationships deepen over time while others quietly disconnect.

Drawing from lived experience, Buddhist principles, and years of working with couples, Angela shares how mindfulness, curiosity, and honest communication can transform conflict into connection — and why lasting love is less about grand gestures and more about daily intention.

✨ Key Takeaways:
💬 Listening Over Fixing — Most relationship tension comes from rushing to solve problems instead of first offering presence, empathy, and a listening ear.
🌱 Love Is a Verb — Healthy relationships are built through consistent effort, curiosity, and small daily actions — not assumptions or mind-reading.
🧘 Non-Attachment Strengthens Love — Honouring impermanence, personal space, and emotional awareness helps couples grow together without clinging or control.

#MindfulRelationships #BuddhistWisdom #ConsciousLove #EmotionalConnection #HandfulOfLeaves

About the Speaker:
Most relationship experts either focus on therapy (fixing what's broken) or surface-level advice (communication tips that don't stick). Angela bridges the gap with relationship mastery - the systematic approach to building extraordinary partnerships.

Her unique combination:
Academic rigor from her Master's in Social Development Policy (Distinction) from University College London

Real-world experience from 6 years facilitating high-stakes government dialogues as a Singapore Scholar

Professional training in Gottman Method, Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, and Co-Active Fundamentals Coaching

Personal understanding of what makes marriages thrive

📄 Transcript: https://bit.ly/hol-ep-67

⏱Timestamps:
(00:00) Why many couples drift apart despite loving each other
(01:02) From problem-solving to deep listening in relationships
(03:14) The turning point before marriage and choosing commitment
(05:00) What it really takes to know someone is “the one”
(07:10) Why busy lives quietly erode relationships
(08:20) Love as a daily practice, not a feeling
(11:04) Monthly relationship check-ins that rebuild connection
(13:21) Conflict patterns: avoidance and mind-reading
(15:06) Communicating needs without blame or defensiveness
(17:05) Hyper-independence and learning interdependence
(19:00) Creating space without disconnecting from your partner
(21:44) Impermanence, compassion, and choosing wisely at crossroads
(27:27) One small daily habit to feel more connected

Resources:
Zen-inspired marriage preparation workshop - https://almostpeaceful.sg/pages/marriage-success 

Get in touch with Angela via - https://www.instagram.com/almostpeaceful.sg/

Special thanks to our sponsors:
Buddhist Youth Network, Lim Soon Kiat, Alvin Chan, Tan Key Seng, Soh Hwee Hoon, Geraldine Tay, Venerable You Guang, Wilson Ng, Diga, Joyce, Tan Jia Yee, Joanne, Suñña, Shuo Mei, Arif, Bernice, Wee Teck, Andrew Yam, Kan Rong Hui, Wei Li Quek, Shirley Shen, Ezra, Joanne Chan, Hsien Li Siaw, Gillian Ang, Wang Shiow Mei, Ong Chye Chye, Melvin, Yoke Kuen, Nai Kai Lee, Amelia Toh, Hannah Law, Shin Hui Chong, Dennis Lee, Kayliam, Darren

🙏 Sponsor us: https://handfulofleaves.life/support/

🎬 Editor: Havalooka Studios
✍️ Transcribers: Cheryl Cheah, Tan Si Jing, Bernice Bay
🎨 Visuals & Sound: Anton Thorne, Tan Pei Shan, Ang You Shan

Get connected here: Telegram Instagram YouTube Facebook

What does it mean to be alone without feeling lonely? In this episode, Venerable Sumangala reflects on solitude, companionship, and the inner stability needed to stand confidently on our own. Drawing from Buddhist teachings and lived experience, she shares why learning to be at ease with oneself is essential for mental freedom, emotional resilience, and genuine connection with others.

✨ Key Takeaways:
🧘 Solitude Is Not Loneliness — being alone becomes nourishing when the mind is trained to be steady, kind, and present.
🤝 Right Companionship Matters — wise friendships support growth and values, without creating dependence or fear of being alone.
🌱 Inner Stability Creates Freedom — when we are rooted within ourselves, we relate to others from wholeness.

#AloneButNotLonely #BuddhistWisdom #MindfulLiving #InnerPeace #SpiritualFriendship

About the Speaker:
👤 Venerable Sumaṅgalā Therī is the Abbess of Ariya Vihara Buddhist Society. She embarked on her spiritual journey in Buddhism at the age of 19, inspired by the serene sight of a monk and people meditating, which deeply delighted her heart. This initial inspiration led her to actively pursue, learn, and practise the Buddha’s teachings, with a particular focus on meditation.

She holds a B.A. in Psychology and in 1999, she completed her M.A. in Industrial and Organizational Psychology, both from Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia. Furthering her academic and spiritual education, Ven. Sumaṅgalā Therī obtained an M.A. in Philosophy (Buddhism) from the International Buddhist College, Thailand in 2011.

Currently, she serves as the Abbess and President of Ariya Vihara Buddhist Society and is an advisor of Gotami Vihara Society in Malaysia. Ven. Sumaṅgalā Therī is actively involved in conducting meditation retreats and giving Dhamma talks in various centers and camps, sharing her deep understanding and experiences in the Dhamma with others.

She is one of the recipients of the 23rd Anniversary Outstanding Women Awards (OWBA) 2024, in honour of the United Nations International Women’s Day.

📄 Transcript: https://bit.ly/hol-ep-66

⏱Timestamps:
(00:00) Being alone versus feeling lonely
(02:05) Why modern life amplifies loneliness
(04:30) Learning to be comfortable with oneself
(07:10) Solitude as a spiritual training
(09:55) The role of spiritual friendship
(12:40) Boundaries, dependence, and healthy connection
(15:20) Loneliness as a teacher
(17:45) Cultivating inner refuge
(20:10) Living fully alone but not lonely

Resources:
Ariya Vihara Buddhist Society website - https://ariyavihara.org/
Ariya Vihara Building Project - https://ariyavihara.org/ariya-vihara-building-project/

Special thanks to our sponsors:
Buddhist Youth Network, Lim Soon Kiat, Alvin Chan, Tan Key Seng, Soh Hwee Hoon, Geraldine Tay, Venerable You Guang, Wilson Ng, Diga, Joyce, Tan Jia Yee, Joanne, Suñña, Shuo Mei, Arif, Bernice, Wee Teck, Andrew Yam, Kan Rong Hui, Wei Li Quek, Shirley Shen, Ezra, Joanne Chan, Hsien Li Siaw, Gillian Ang, Wang Shiow Mei, Ong Chye Chye, Melvin, Yoke Kuen, Nai Kai Lee, Amelia Toh, Hannah Law, Shin Hui Chong, Dennis Lee, Kayliam, Darren

🙏 Sponsor us: https://handfulofleaves.life/support/

🎬 Editor: Hong Jiayi
✍️ Transcribers: Cheryl Cheah, Tan Si Jing, Bernice Bay
🎨 Visuals & Sound: Anton Thorne, Tan Pei Shan, Ang You Shan

📱 Get Connected: Telegram Instagram YouTube Facebook

What gives life true meaning beyond achievement, comfort, and success? In this episode, Venerable Sumangala reflects on purpose, happiness, and the Buddhist path—challenging modern ideas of fulfillment and inviting us to look inward. Through teachings on non-attachment, mental training, and the Noble Eightfold Path, this conversation explores how lasting happiness comes from freedom of mind, not endless striving.

✨ Key Takeaways:
🧭 Purpose Beyond Success – Why ambition and “becoming someone” never fully satisfy.
🌿 Non-Attachment, Real Peace – How letting go leads to calm, clarity, and inner happiness.
🧘 Train the Mind – Meditation and mindfulness as practical tools for daily life.

#BuddhistWisdom #PurposeInLife #InnerPeace #MindfulLiving

About the Speaker:
👤 Venerable Sumaṅgalā Therī is the Abbess of Ariya Vihara Buddhist Society. She embarked on her spiritual journey in Buddhism at the age of 19, inspired by the serene sight of a monk and people meditating, which deeply delighted her heart. This initial inspiration led her to actively pursue, learn, and practise the Buddha’s teachings, with a particular focus on meditation.

She holds a B.A. in Psychology and in 1999, she completed her M.A. in Industrial and Organizational Psychology, both from Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia. Furthering her academic and spiritual education, Ven. Sumaṅgalā Therī obtained an M.A. in Philosophy (Buddhism) from the International Buddhist College, Thailand in 2011.

Currently, she serves as the Abbess and President of Ariya Vihara Buddhist Society and is an advisor of Gotami Vihara Society in Malaysia. Ven. Sumaṅgalā Therī is actively involved in conducting meditation retreats and giving Dhamma talks in various centers and camps, sharing her deep understanding and experiences in the Dhamma with others.

She is one of the recipients of the 23rd Anniversary Outstanding Women Awards (OWBA) 2024, in honour of the United Nations International Women’s Day.

📄 Transcript: https://bit.ly/hol-ep-65

⏱Timestamps:
(00:00) – Introduction to the episode & Venerable Sumangala
(01:30) – What is true happiness and freedom from suffering?
(02:11) – Non-attachment as the key to peace
(03:17) – Why ambition and “becoming someone” never satisfies
(06:37) – The Noble Eightfold Path explained simply
(08:17) – Training the mind through meditation and loving-kindness
(10:54) – Happiness from within vs sense pleasure
(12:45) – Living simply in a consumer-driven world
(17:27) – Redefining success as inner peace and happiness

Special thanks to our sponsors:
Buddhist Youth Network, Lim Soon Kiat, Alvin Chan, Tan Key Seng, Soh Hwee Hoon, Geraldine Tay, Venerable You Guang, Wilson Ng, Diga, Joyce, Tan Jia Yee, Joanne, Suñña, Shuo Mei, Arif, Bernice, Wee Teck, Andrew Yam, Kan Rong Hui, Wei Li Quek, Shirley Shen, Ezra, Joanne Chan, Hsien Li Siaw, Gillian Ang, Wang Shiow Mei, Ong Chye Chye, Melvin, Yoke Kuen, Nai Kai Lee, Amelia Toh, Hannah Law, Shin Hui Chong, Dennis Lee, Kayliam, Darren

🙏 Sponsor us: https://handfulofleaves.life/support/

🎬 Editor: Hong Jiayi
✍️ Transcribers: Cheryl Cheah, Tan Si Jing, Bernice Bay
🎨 Visuals & Sound: Anton Thorne, Tan Pei Shan, Ang You Shan

📱Get connected here: Telegram Instagram YouTube Facebook