NVC in Real Life with Hans van Veen
Send us a textIf “be nicer” hasn’t fixed your toughest conversations, try Nonviolent Communication (NVC) in the wild. Coach Hans Nav Neev shows how to turn trigger moments into clarity, how to stop taking things personally, and why conflict—done well—becomes a portal to connection.What you’ll learnThe OFNR model (Observations, Feelings, Needs, Requests) that actually de-fogs conflictJackal vs. Giraffe ears: hearing judgments vs. hearing needsThe guilt process (“the art of being torn”) to end inner civil warsEnemy images and how to dissolve themWhen to set boundaries (and use protective force)Bridging NVC with BIFF (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm) for high‑conflict exchangesTimestamps00:00 Cold open, intentions, how we’ll talk02:40 What NVC is: surface techniques vs. deep worldview05:40 Taking things less personally; the guilt process08:10 Inner work vs. changing the world10:05 The OFNR model explained (Observations–Feelings–Needs–Requests)13:15 Practicing OFNR + the floor exercise14:50 Hardest skill: observations without interpretations (Krishnamurti)16:20 Anger = story about the event (not the event)18:30 Jackal vs. Giraffe ears (with props)21:20 Chronic “jackal mode,” boundaries, and dignity24:40 Needs, requests, and withdrawing from harmful dynamics26:30 Needs vs. rationalizations; congruence28:00 Language: “need” vs. “value/prefer”; needs as “frequencies”31:10 Family impact, social ripple of communication33:20 Trusting conflict; repair vs. rug-sweeping35:20 Intergenerational trauma; “enemy images”39:10 Avoiding the “obnoxious giraffe” (NVC police)41:30 Stoicism link: embody, don’t preach44:10 External validation; “seeds grow in the dark”45:50 Where NVC applies; protective use of force49:10 BIFF for high-conflict exchanges; bridging to NVC53:20 Filtering vs. entrenched relationships56:20 “Warm bath of empathy” and relationship risks59:30 Practice in low‑stakes settings first1:02:00 Resources and Insight Timer courses1:04:30 Two mantras: it’s never personal; guess the need1:06:40 Empathic guessing as a question (not a label)1:08:50 Measuring progress; conflict may rise first1:10:00 Positive gossip; humility as embodiment1:15:20 Self-image, overcorrection, and growth1:18:50 Vulnerability as success1:21:40 Beginner’s mind in communication1:24:10 Sensitivity with equanimity1:25:06 Rosenberg’s “tragic expression”; the third compassionate voice1:27:20 Metta vs. Tonglen; Michael Taft guidance1:30:27 Wrap-up, thanks, next stepsGuest: Hans Nav Neev — NVC coach and Insight Timer teacher with practical courses and tracks. Insight Timer (teacher page)https://insighttimer.com/hansvanv1Instagramhttps://www.instagram.com/nondualcommunication/Website (bio + offerings)https://www.nondualcommunication.net/bio--Host: Jon Brooks — The Stoic Handbook (stoicism + practical tools). • Site: https://stoichandbook.co • Newsletter (Nous): nous.xyz • YouTube: youtube.com/jonbrooksIf this helped, follow the show, share the episode with a friend, and join the newsletter for weekly tools.🔥 🧰 Free SPQR Stoic Reset Kit — 5-min audio + 1-page protocol to stop anxiety spirals fast. → stoichandbook.co/toolkit
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