You Make Sense

In this episode, Sarah explains why we choose partners who poke at what still needs to be resolved. She breaks down how we unknowingly hold each other accountable for pain from the past, why conflict intensifies as love grows, and how to shift from opposing sides to the same team. When you understand what is actually happening in your nervous system, relationship struggles become an invitation to deeper repair and lasting connection.

 

Episode Highlights:

[00:00] Introduction

[00:40] What it really means to become a team with our partner

[01:53] Why early-stage relationships often feel easier

[04:51] How the nervous system begins linking your partner to family

[05:49] Ways we hold partners accountable for pain they did not cause

[07:11] Relationship conflict is not always a sign that something is wrong

[07:57] Why safe, loving relationships can feel threatening

[12:55] How we end up on different teams

[14:22] Healing the last 20% of unresolved wounds inside partnership

[19:24] Why you marry your unfinished business

[22:26] From swords of protection to swords of love

[28:42] Pausing when triggered and turning toward younger parts

[30:59] Advocating for younger parts and inviting your partner into repair

[33:45] Question 1 - Is feeling guilt about sharing relationship struggles a trauma response?

[43:44] Question 2 - How do I process ending a relationship driven by my protective parts?

[54:45] Question 3 - How do I let go of fantasy and reconnect with my spouse?

 

RSVP for Sarah’s FREE Live Training:

Ready to take the next step on your healing journey? Nervous System Starter Kit is a FREE, 75-minute live training to help you regulate your nervous system, understand your attachment style from a somatic lens, and get into the driver’s seat of your experience.

 

Click below to save your spot (replay available for a limited time):

https://bit.ly/sp-nssk

 

Take Sarah’s FREE Quiz:

Feeling stuck in your life? Not sure where to start with somatic healing? Sarah’s free quiz, “What’s Keeping You Stuck,” will equip you with free tools and a personalized guide to better understand your nervous system specific to you.

 

Click below to get started:

https://bit.ly/yms-sp-quiz

 

Connect with Sarah on:

Email Community bit.ly/yms-sp-newsletter

Instagram — instagram.com/sarahbcoaching

Website — sarahbaldwincoaching.com

 

Submit a Question:

sarahbaldwin1.typeform.com/podcast

 

Quotes:

“Once we've done enough internal healing, we draw in a safe person, and you have to build your capacity for receiving the good.” — Sarah Baldwin [00:11:11]

“Neuroscience confirms it for us that we are traveling [in] time anytime we're triggered, and in healing, what we're doing is we're becoming the warrior for the parts of us that are waiting for that resolution.” — Sarah Baldwin [00:17:36]

“[Relationships are] supposed to be the fertile ground where together we can heal up the last 20% of both of our wounding. And that is a beautiful love story. That is what love is supposed to be.” — Sarah Baldwin [00:21:43]

“The work that we're doing is about looking within, not pointing the finger out. So when I was able to do that, look within, that clued me into all this is hurting part, and without him poking at it, I would never be able to address that part.” — Sarah Baldwin [00:30:10]

“What's not talked about enough is what actually happens in relationships. And because it's not talked about enough, we think that there's something very, very wrong; that we're struggling or having a problem in our relationship.” — Sarah Baldwin [01:00:36]

“Every unresolved thing from your childhood attachment gets resolved in relationship. So the more that we can see we're not alone and normalize this, the more that we stop avoiding it in our relationships, and we can actually address it.” — Sarah Baldwin [01:00:49]

 

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Join the Waitlist for You Make Sense

This conversation unpacks why relationships feel so exposing, why discomfort isn’t a sign that something is wrong, and how true healing happens first within you. You’ll learn why feeling ‘unknown’ is often a protective strategy, how parts of you get siloed to survive connection, and how the gentle integration of your protective parts creates secure, intimate relationships. Sarah touches on powerful therapeutic tools that will help you to show up as your most authentic self.

 

Episode Highlights:

[00:00] Introduction

[02:28] How nature embodies its wholeness

[06:06] The feeling of being unknown in relationships

[11:32] Why the nervous system silos us

[13:05] How our caregivers pass on their unresolved trauma

[18:20] The nervous system’s reaction to being contorted by caregivers

[21:06] How siloing yourself disconnects you from who you are

[23:36] Why romantic relationships are the hardest place to be ‘all of you’

[26:03] What getting into a safe relationship after trauma looks like

[30:11] Leaning into the discomfort of growth

[33:23] How to integrate your siloed parts in your romantic relationship

[37:19] Healing within relationships and the power of interdependence

[42:56] Why the healing process is the greatest love story

[44:16] Question 1 – Why do I feel safer being myself with friends than with my partner?

[50:00] Question 2 – Why do I struggle with rejection in romantic relationships?

[55:13] Question 3 – How can I handle difficult and traumatic experiences somatically?

 

Join the 3-Day Expansion Experience:

Ready to get unstuck and break through stagnancy? Expansion Experience is packed with tangible, science-backed tools to help you manifest the life you want. Join Sarah for three live mornings of guided calls, somatic exercises, and daily integration worksheets.

 

RSVP now for only $37:

https://bit.ly/yms-sp-ee

 

Download Sarah’s FREE Workbook:

Not sure where to get started with somatic healing? Sarah created a FREE trauma-informed workbook called "How To Gain Control Over How You Feel" to help you step toward a life filled with more freedom, ease, and empowerment.

 

Click the link below to download:

https://bit.ly/yms-sp-workbook

 

Connect with Sarah on:

Email Community - bit.ly/yms-sp-newsletter

Instagram — instagram.com/sarahbcoaching

Website — sarahbaldwincoaching.com

 

Submit a Question:

sarahbaldwin1.typeform.com/podcast

 

Quotes:

“The really cool thing about the nervous system – [is] that it functions without you having to do much or think about much.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:10:51]

“If I silo myself, what happens is [that] no one gets to know all of me. And that means that if they hurt me or if they abandon me or they choose not to be my partner, it will never feel the same as the excruciating pain of being a baby who’s not chosen.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:19:03]

“In many ways, healing is coming back to this beautiful, embodied experience of what it is like to have that child-like wonder and innocence.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:23:16]

“Romantic relationships are the hardest place to be all of you.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:23:53]

“If you are with a safe person [who] loves you, they want to see you, they want to see more of you. Because that’s what safe, loving people do.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:35:38]

 

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Join the Waitlist for You Make Sense [YouTube]

Join the Waitlist for You Make Sense [Spotify]

Join the Waitlist for Nervous System Essentials [YouTube]

Join the Waitlist for Nervous System Essentials [Spotify]

Through a grounded, somatic lens, Sarah explores how regulation expands our capacity, why safety must be communicated in a language your nervous system understands, and how slow, tolerable steps retrain your system to tangibly move toward your desires. If you’re ready to stop forcing change and start living the life meant for you, this conversation offers a practical path forward that is backed by science.

 

Episode Highlights:

[00:00] Introduction

[00:58] The science of manifestation and rewiring for possibility

[02:37] Chronic dysregulation can block manifestation

[06:38] Regulation is the key to unlocking the life you desire

[10:36] Why you can fantasize safely but struggle to take action

[16:07] The hardest thing to step towards is often the thing you want most

[21:24] Who is in the driver’s seat of your nervous system?

[23:39] Roads of safety, familiarity, and deepest desires

[30:29] Why affirmations and vision boards fail without somatic work

[32:20] Show, not tell is the language of the nervous system

[37:20] Working with your protective parts

[38:58] Building capacity through slow, tolerable steps

[43:49] Manifestation as incremental nervous system expansion

[45:59] Question 1 - Why do I keep attracting unavailable or unsafe partners?

[01:00:40] Question 2 - How do I feel safe being seen in my purpose?

[01:07:29] Question 3 - Why doesn’t money seem to stick, even when I work hard?

 

Join the 3-Day Expansion Experience:

Ready to get unstuck and break through stagnancy? Expansion Experience is packed with tangible, science-backed tools to help you manifest the life you want. Join Sarah for three live mornings of guided calls, somatic exercises, and daily integration worksheets.

RSVP now for only $37:

https://bit.ly/yms-sp-ee

 

Download Sarah’s FREE Workbook:

Not sure where to get started with somatic healing? Sarah created a FREE trauma-informed workbook called "How To Gain Control Over How You Feel" to help you step toward a life filled with more freedom, ease, and empowerment.

Click the link below to download:

https://bit.ly/yms-sp-workbook

 

Connect with Sarah on:

Email Community - bit.ly/yms-sp-newsletter

Instagram — instagram.com/sarahbcoaching

Website — sarahbaldwincoaching.com

 

Submit a Question:

sarahbaldwin1.typeform.com/podcast

 

Quotes:

“If you are chronically dysregulated, there is no amount of desire or praying or meditating or positive thinking that's ever going to create the life that you're wanting.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:09:41]

“The things that you want the most in life, the things that you're desiring to manifest the most, usually, are going to be the hardest things to step towards in your life.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:16:15]

“The language of the nervous system is show, not tell, or somatics, you can think ‘the felt sense.’” — Sarah Baldwin [0:34:33]

“When you are in safety, your nervous system rests. And if a nervous system can work very hard, it most certainly can rest. We just have to show [our nervous system] that it is safe to rest.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:35:56]

“Everything we're talking about is based in science. So, if you want to manifest, you have to use science. And the more that I've done this work, personally and professionally, [I’ve seen] the overlap of science and spirituality. They're best buddies.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:36:43]

“You know [that] you're onto something when it's the hardest thing to step towards.” — Sarah Baldwin [01:01:07]

“The desire of your soul is meant for you. It's your healing that gets you there.” — Sarah Baldwin [01:06:16]

In this episode, Sarah explains how unhealthy shame forms, why unresolved anger resurfaces in safe relationships, and how we unknowingly build our lives around avoiding what once felt intolerable. She breaks down what it truly means to complete the stress response by building regulation, reconnecting with younger parts, and allowing the body to express the appropriate response it once inhibited. When the stress cycle is resolved, the lie of unworthiness dissolves. What remains is your innate capacity for strength and self-trust.

 

Episode Highlights:

[00:00] Introduction

[01:16] Shame, anger, and unworthiness

[04:57] Protective strategies we use to avoid shame and unworthiness

[06:34] How “I am not enough” gets internalized in childhood

[11:48] Shame as the internalization of trauma

[13:45] Healthy shame versus unhealthy shame

[22:52] How unresolved shame distorts your reactions

[25:13] Healthy anger versus unhealthy anger

[28:17] Why suppressed anger resurfaces in safe relationships

[30:27] Key steps to resolving shame

[33:53] Completing the incomplete experience

[41:42] Question 1 - Why does rage from past assault still feel stuck in my body?

[48:13] Question 2 - How do I know when a trauma cycle is truly complete?

[52:50] Question 3 - Why does setting boundaries make me feel unloving?

[57:00] Question 4 - What is the healthiest way to release anger toward my family?

 

Get on the Waitlist for Sarah’s 10-Week Program:

Ready for tools to heal every area of your life? You Make Sense is a 10-week live program that goes far beyond these weekly podcast episodes to give you powerful somatic exercises and resources to address your nervous system, relationships, younger parts, purpose, boundaries, grief, and more!

 

Click below to get on the waitlist for limited-time reduced pricing:

https://bit.ly/sp-yms-waitlist

 

Download Sarah’s FREE Workbook:

Not sure where to get started with somatic healing? Sarah created a FREE trauma-informed workbook called "How To Gain Control Over How You Feel" to help you step toward a life filled with more freedom, ease, and empowerment.

 

Click the link below to download:

https://bit.ly/yms-sp-workbook

 

Connect with Sarah on:

Email Community - bit.ly/yms-sp-newsletter

Instagram — instagram.com/sarahbcoaching

Website — sarahbaldwincoaching.com

 

Submit a Question:

sarahbaldwin1.typeform.com/podcast

 

Quotes:

“We have a primal human need for our caregivers, who brought us into the world, to love us, to choose us, and when they don't, it feels to that child like annihilation. Annihilation is worse than death. It feels like a fragmenting of us in a million pieces.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:09:04]

“Shame is the internalization of what happened to us.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:11:54]

“What does the internalization mean? It means I am taking the thing that they are projecting at me, and I am putting it, effectively, inside of my own body.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:13:19]

“The meaning that I make is not that this thing that happens to me is bad, this abuse is bad, or this neglect is bad, or your criticism is bad; [it’s that] I’m bad. That's the meaning that is made from internalization.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:13:31]

“We need to bring regulation to our nervous system. That's always the beginning of everything. Why? Because we have to build our capacity to hold the shame that was once too much for us to hold.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:30:42]

“When we love our parts, we fall in love with them, that lie of unworthiness dissolves, and all that's left is what is actually true, that we are worthy and good and whole.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:40:01]

She explains how childhood roles such as becoming invisible, emotionally self-reliant, or overly responsible don’t just affect behavior; they shape attraction itself, quietly guiding who we choose and the dynamics we recreate. When these internal blueprints remain unchanged, relationships tend to repeat familiar dynamics rather than support true closeness. This conversation offers a grounded look at why feeling unseen persists in love and what it takes to change the pattern at its root.
 
Episode Highlights:
[00:00] Introduction
[01:46] Why no single partner can meet every need
[04:23] The importance of fullness of relationships beyond romantic partnership
[07:46] Childhood experiences as the blueprint for adult relationships
[09:01] The nervous system as the driver of attraction and partner selection
[10:54] Early relational roles learned to maintain safety within the family system
[12:30] How childhood invisibility becomes the script for adult relationships
[19:19] Why insight alone does not change relational patterns
[21:30] Rewriting the internal blueprint through reparenting younger parts
[29:27] What healthy relationships require once healing begins
[35:45] Loneliness, grief, and outgrowing familiar relational dynamics
[38:39] Question 1 - How does childhood neglect lead to emotional emptiness?
[44:55] Question 2 - Why do I keep feeling drawn to partners who are bad for me?
[48:53] Question 3 - Why can healing feel lonely as relationships change?
 
Get on the Waitlist for Sarah’s 10-Week Program:
Ready for tools to heal every area of your life? You Make Sense is a 10-week live program that goes far beyond these weekly podcast episodes to give you powerful somatic exercises and resources to address your nervous system, relationships, younger parts, purpose, boundaries, grief, and more!
Get on the waitlist for limited-time reduced pricing:
https://bit.ly/sp-yms-waitlist

 
Take Sarah’s FREE Quiz:
Feeling stuck in your life? Not sure where to start with somatic healing? Sarah’s free quiz, “What’s Keeping You Stuck,” will equip you with free tools and a personalized guide to better understand your nervous system specific to you.
Click below to get started:
https://bit.ly/yms-sp-quiz
 
Connect with Sarah on:
Email Community - bit.ly/yms-sp-newsletter
Instagram — instagram.com/sarahbcoaching
Website — sarahbaldwincoaching.com

 
Submit a Question:
sarahbaldwin1.typeform.com/podcast

 
Quotes:
“We need a variety of people in our lives to feel fully seen and fully known.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:06:23]
“The goal is that, whomever you choose as your life partner, that they have the ability to meet your primary needs, and [that] they want to meet them.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:06:56]
“Our childhood experiences lay the blueprint for how we experience romantic relationships and how we show up in them, meaning what we think we have to be or what we have to do in order to be safe in relationship.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:07:54]
“However your caregivers showed up with you, that is going to be the type of person that you pick in romantic relationship, until you do the internal healing work.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:08:12]
“If you're not in the driver's seat of your nervous system, if you haven't done stuff to resolve the past, do you know who's actually picking your relationships? Your nervous system. That threat detector and your parts are picking.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:10:07]
“You are powerful. You are not powerless. – But that young part that is stuck back in that experience, they were powerless, they were a victim. And your job is to travel back to them and give them what they never got. That is really empowering.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:23:40]
“When I say healthy, it doesn't mean your partner's perfect. It doesn't mean that they are getting everything right. It means that they're willing and safe. That's really all we need. Somebody who's willing and safe.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:29:57]
“In healing, you can't unsee what you see. You can't unknow what you know. And so as you see more the beauty of it, you can't unsee it, meaning you can't go backwards. And that's when grief comes up.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:53:57]
“You are transforming when you heal, not into anything new, but you're coming back into who you actually are.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:54:10]
 
 
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Join the Waitlist for You Make Sense
Join the Waitlist for Nervous System Essentials