Ask Kati Anything

Do you constantly over-do, over-give, and over-perform to "earn your keep" in your relationships? On this episode of Ask Kati Anything, licensed marriage and family therapist Kati Morton transitions to an all-new, single-topic format to take a deep, evidence-based dive into the world of over-functioning.

Through real community stories and personal reflections, Kati maps out the 6-stage cycle that leads from automatic over-giving straight into quiet resentment, eventual blowups, and toxic guilt. But this isn’t just an emotional burden. Kati shares fascinating, decades-spanning clinical research—including the concept of "unmitigated communion," a 7-year study following 1,340 couples, and a chilling 2022 medical study linking "self-silencing" directly to physical cardiovascular risks like carotid plaque.

If your body is carrying what your mouth refuses to say, it is time to break the loop. Tune in to get a clear, 4-step actionable framework to practice "deliberate under-functioning," express specific needs, and tolerate the discomfort of choosing growth over chronic exhaustion.

Chapters:


00:00 - A New Format for Ask Kati Anything


02:00 - What is Over-Functioning? Community Stories


04:00 - Fawning, People-Pleasing, and the Need to Feel Safe


07:40 - Earning Love: Kati’s Personal Story with Perfectionism


11:50 - The 6 Rungs of the Over-Functioning Cycle


22:02 - Episode sponsor message: BiOptimizers Magnesium Breakthrough - go to https://bioptimizers.com/kati and use code KATI for 15% off your entire order Plus a Free bottle of Masszymes


23:34 - Unmitigated Communion: When the Self Disappears


30:23 - The Relationship Trap: 7-Year Study of 1,340 Couples


35:36 - The Cardiovascular Cost of Self-Silencing


38:27 - Step 1: Identify Your Current Rung


40:34 - Step 2: Deliberate Under-Functioning


45:30 - Step 3: Make a Single, Specific Ask


49:15 - Step 4: Tolerate the Discomfort (Data vs. Danger)


52:43 - Next Week's Preview: Understanding Health Insurance

Share this episode with a friend who needs to hear it, leave your questions for next week's topic in the comments, and don't forget to subscribe!

Books

Why Do I Keep Doing This? https://geni.us/XoyLSQ

Traumatized https://geni.us/Bfak0j

Are u ok? https://geni.us/sva4iUY

ONLINE THERAPY (enjoy 10% off your first month)

While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist: https://betterhelp.com/kati

PARTNERSHIPS

Nick Freeman | [email protected]

Disclaimer

The information provided in this video is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical or mental health advice. It should not be used to diagnose or treat any health problem or disease. Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional for diagnosis and treatment. Viewing this content does not establish a therapist-client relationship.
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Most of us know what we should be doing. The harder question is why we can't actually do it. In this episode, Dr. Rachel Goldman joins Kati to talk about food noise, GLP-1s, cognitive behavioral therapy, and the small mindset shifts that change everything. Dr. Rachel is a clinical psychologist, clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at NYU Grossman School of Medicine, and author of the new book When Life Happens. She specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy, stress, and the treatment of eating disorders and obesity, and she runs a private practice in New York City.

Today we talk about why your brain defaults to worst-case scenario (it's survival wiring, not a personal flaw), the one-word shift that interrupts all-or-nothing thinking, and the cognitive distortions quietly running your day. Dr. Rachel walks us through what food noise actually is and why some people genuinely don't have it, how GLP-1 medications are changing the conversation around eating disorders and obesity treatment, and what most people misunderstand about both. We get into why the body sends signals that get louder until you finally listen, why "finding balance" is setting you up to fail, and the reframe that finally helped Dr. Rachel stop cancelling on herself.

We also go personal: how a clinical psychologist talks to her own kids about mistakes, what's actually in her toolbox when life feels too heavy, and the moment that changed how she thinks about self-care.

If you've been doing the work, reading the books, going to therapy, and still feel like you can't get traction, this conversation gives you a place to start that doesn't require overhauling your life.

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Chapters
(0:00) Why you keep starting over
(1:30) Why she wrote this book
(4:18) What a mindset shift looks like
(6:00) All-or-nothing thinking
(8:30) The one small thing rule
(12:02) Worst-case scenario thinking
(14:30) The thoughts running your day
(16:13) When therapists share personal stuff
(18:30) Did training prepare her for motherhood?
(24:00) Working in obesity treatment
(30:00) GLP-1s and food noise explained
(37:20) Dance, eating disorders, the wake-up
(42:30) Your body is sending signals
(44:30) Managing a book launch and two kids
(48:00) The Casey Neistat self-care moment
(52:20) Why finding balance fails
(55:00) Poker chips and resilience
(58:30) What she hopes her kids learn
(1:02:30) Dr. Rachel's three tools
(1:04:30) Where to find Dr. Rachel

Dr. Rachel's book When Life Happens is out now: whenlifehappensbook.comFind Dr. Rachel on Instagram: @drrachelnyc

More from Kati
YouTube: youtube.com/c/katimorton
Instagram: @katimorton

Kati's BooksWhy Do I Keep Doing This? geni.us/XoyLSQTraumatized geni.us/Bfak0jAre u ok? geni.us/sva4iUY
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What do you do when your relationship is hard but you can't tell if it's worth saving, or when your trauma history makes your instincts feel unreliable? This week on Ask Kati Anything, licensed therapist Kati Morton, LMFT, answers seven listener questions about the moments when everything feels overwhelming and you can't tell what's the relationship, what's the depression, and what's the trauma talking.

Topics in this episode include: when to stay in a relationship versus when to leave, BPD and people pleasing, complex PTSD and attachment wounds, fear of abandonment, codependency, starting therapy when you have bulimia, non-suicidal self-injury, and dissociation, grounding techniques for flashbacks, what healthy love actually looks like, why depression breakthrough symptoms make you feel empty after good experiences, shame spirals and how vulnerability snuffs shame out (Brené Brown's research), rumination, behavioral activation, recovering motivation after emotional burnout, finding yourself again after trauma, inner child work and writing letters to your younger self, and how to respond to unsolicited advice without building resentment.

Timestamps:

00:00 Intro

00:56 When to stay vs leave a relationship, attachment, BPD, complex PTSD

12:00 Starting therapy with bulimia, BPD, self-harm, and dissociation

19:00 What healthy love really looks like

25:11 Feeling empty after going out, depression breakthrough symptoms

28:39 Shame spirals, rumination, and Brené Brown on vulnerability

34:25 Lack of motivation after burnout, becoming yourself after trauma

40:56 Inner child work, writing letters to your younger self

45:21 Unsolicited advice and how to respond

Submit your question: https://www.youtube.com/@Katimorton/community

Follow Kati on Instagram: @katimorton
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In this episode of Ask Kati Anything, licensed marriage and family therapist Kati Morton welcomes keynote speaker and bestselling author Ginny Priem to discuss the heavy toll of over-functioning and the path to reclaiming your identity. Ginny shares her powerful Unsubscribe Framework, a tool designed to help you filter out the noise and set firm boundaries in both your professional and personal life.

From uncovering a partner's shocking double life to navigating the complexities of narcissistic family dynamics, Kati and Ginny explore how to heal from betrayal and the necessity of choosing peace over toxic loyalty.

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Topics covered:

The Unsubscribe Pillars: Learn how to use Block, Manage, Swap, and Mute to protect your time and energy.

Healing from Betrayal: Ginny opens up about discovering her partner's systemic deception and how it became the catalyst for her life's work.

Identifying Narcissistic Abuse: Understanding DARVO (Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender) and recognizing the signs of gaslighting.

The Reality of No-Contact: A candid look at the difficult decision to go no-contact with a narcissistic parent.

Living with Grief: Shifting the perspective from "moving through" grief to learning how to grow your life around it.

Rebuilding Self-Trust: Why spending time with yourself (not just by yourself) is the key to fixing a "broken picker".

 

Ginny Priem:

Book: Unsubscribe: Why Letting Go is the Secret to Getting Ahead

Podcast: Unsubscribe with Ginny Priem

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In this episode of Ask Kati Anything, licensed marriage and family therapist Kati Morton addresses why the healing process often feels more overwhelming after a breakthrough or a new diagnosis. We dive deep into the complexities of adult autism, the physical "freeze" response caused by trauma shame, and the frustration of feeling like your mental health journey has stalled.

Kati also shares her perspective on the evolving role of GLP-1 medications in treating "food noise" and why reaching out for help when you’re "doing okay" is actually the best time for deep therapeutic work. Whether you’re navigating a difficult legal trigger like a parole hearing or searching for meaning in the face of depression, this episode provides grounded, empathetic tools to help you move forward.

Shopping today's sponsor helps support Ask Kati Anything.

ZocDoc - ⁠visit https://www.zocdoc.com/KATI⁠ to find and instantly book a doctor you love today!

Key Topics Covered

Autism & "Standard" Therapy: Why therapy can feel like a performance after an adult diagnosis and how to adapt your sessions. 


The Silence of Shame: How to handle the dissociation and urge to "no-show" after disclosing childhood sexual abuse. 


Coping Skill "Hard Stops": Recognizing when weed or restrictive eating shifts from a survival tool to a barrier in your recovery. 


Social Cues & Connection: Practical advice for "reality testing" interactions and distinguishing between friendly and flirty behavior. 


Maintenance vs. Crisis: Why you don't need to be "doing poorly" to benefit from therapy—and why maintenance work is more effective. 


The Search for Meaning: Navigating depression when traditional treatments like CBT or DBT feel out of reach or ineffective.

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