Ask Kati Anything

Your partner isn't loud or arrogant. They're insecure, sensitive, and somehow every conflict ends with you comforting them. Is that just low self-esteem, or is it what people online are calling vulnerable narcissism? Licensed therapist Kati Morton answers 10 questions about this term that's all over social media.

We cover why vulnerable narcissism is not a formal diagnosis, how it differs from covert narcissism, the line between ordinary insecurity and a more self-focused pattern, why some people flip a little feedback into "you think I'm horrible," how a constant sense of being the victim can be part of this, social anxiety vs. vulnerable narcissism, how it can look similar to BPD in relationships, whether these patterns can change with treatment, and what to do if you're listening and thinking this might be you.

Chapters:

00:00 What is vulnerable narcissism?

01:04 Is this what vulnerable narcissism looks like?

11:49 Is vulnerable narcissism an actual diagnosis?

15:55 Vulnerable vs. covert narcissism

20:39 Where's the line between insecurity and vulnerable narcissism?

26:14 Why does feedback turn into "you think I'm horrible"?

32:14 Can always being the victim be part of vulnerable narcissism?

39:17 Vulnerable narcissism vs. social anxiety

47:11 Vulnerable narcissism vs. BPD

52:45 Can these patterns actually change?

54:48 "Am I secretly a narcissist?"

1:00:30 Final thoughts

Kati's books: Why Do I Keep Doing This? · Traumatized · Are u ok?

Online therapy: BetterHelp, 10% off your first month (affiliate link).

Watch more from Kati on YouTube

Kati's website: katimorton.com

Education only, not a replacement for therapy. In crisis? Call or text 988 (US).
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Why do I suddenly hate someone I love after one small thing? Licensed therapist Kati Morton explains splitting: when your view of a person flips to all good or all bad, especially when you feel hurt or overwhelmed.

We cover what splitting is and is not, how it differs from black-and-white thinking, why it hits hardest with the people closest to you, why it doesn't automatically mean BPD, catching it in the moment, splitting vs. real red flags, splitting on yourself, and what helps.

Kati's books: Why Do I Keep Doing This? · Traumatized · Are u ok?

Online therapy: BetterHelp, 10% off your first month (affiliate link).

Watch more from Kati on YouTube

Kati's website: katimorton.com

Education only, not a replacement for therapy. In crisis? Call or text 988 (US).
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you keep asking people if they're mad at you, even after they say no? Licensed therapist Kati Morton explains why reassurance seeking feels good for five minutes before the doubt comes right back, and what to do instead.

We cover support seeking vs. reassurance seeking, why relief wears off so fast, how an unpredictable past can make someone else's mood feel like it's about us, what to do when a partner gets frustrated by "are we okay?", practical tools, and rebuilding self-trust.

SPONSOR - Thank you to OneSkin for sponsoring this episode! Get 15% off with code KATI at https://oneskin.co/KATI

Chapters:

00:00 Why do we need so much reassurance?

00:48 Reassurance seeking isn't inherently unhealthy

01:28 Why do I keep asking if people are mad at me?

02:42 Support seeking vs. reassurance seeking

08:16 Codependency: only okay when you're okay

12:00 Why does reassurance only work for five minutes?

20:30 Am I being too needy or asking for something normal?

27:19 Why does my brain make someone else's mood about me?

35:15 Can asking for reassurance make me more anxious?

40:37 Should I just learn to reassure myself?

43:22 "Do you still love me?" Why one answer isn't enough

47:10 My partner gets frustrated when I ask if we're okay

52:20 "Everyone says just stop asking." Then what?

53:29 Tools to use instead of seeking reassurance

59:15 "I don't trust myself": rebuilding self-trust

1:04:58 Final thoughts

Kati's books: Why Do I Keep Doing This? · Traumatized · Are u ok?

Online therapy: BetterHelp, 10% off your first month (affiliate link).

Watch more from Kati on YouTube

Kati's website: katimorton.com

Education only, not a replacement for therapy. In crisis? Call or text 988 (US).
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Am I being manipulative, or am I just expressing how I feel? Licensed therapist Kati Morton answers 10 questions about emotional manipulation, guilt-tripping, the silent treatment, and healthy communication in relationships.

We cover whether crying in an argument is manipulative, manipulating without realizing it, boundaries vs. ultimatums, childhood communication patterns, reassurance seeking, why BPD doesn't automatically mean manipulative, taking space without shutting someone out, and how to apologize and repair.

SPONSOR - Thank you to Hero Bread for sponsoring this episode! Hero Bread is offering 10% off your order. Go to https://www.hero.co/ and use code KATI at checkout

Chapters:

00:00 Am I being manipulative?

01:02 What actually counts as manipulation?

08:06 Can manipulation happen without planning it?

16:21 Expressing hurt vs. guilt-tripping

24:06 Is crying during an argument manipulative?

29:24 Taking space vs. the silent treatment

32:31 Reassurance seeking and relationship anxiety

35:22 Am I repeating my parent's guilt-tripping patterns?

38:40 BPD, fear of abandonment, and manipulation

43:22 Healthy boundaries vs. controlling ultimatums

47:55 What if I recognize these behaviors in myself?

51:24 Four questions to help break the pattern

53:30 How to apologize and repair a relationship

Kati's books: Why Do I Keep Doing This? · Traumatized · Are u ok?

Online therapy: BetterHelp, 10% off your first month (affiliate link).

Watch more from Kati on YouTube

Kati's website: katimorton.com

Education only, not a replacement for therapy. In crisis? Call or text 988 (US).
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Does your therapist actually care about you, or are they just good at their job? Licensed therapist Kati Morton answers 10 of your most vulnerable questions about the therapeutic relationship.

We cover why therapy feels one-sided, whether your therapist thinks about you between sessions, attachment and transference, lying to impress your therapist, ruptures and repair, why you can't be friends after therapy ends, graduating from weekly therapy, and how to ask "Do you care about me?"

Thank you to our sponsor: Get 15% off the new OS-01 FACE Rich cream from OneSkin with code KATI at http://oneskin.co/KATI

Chapters:

00:00 Intro: is the therapeutic relationship real?

00:51 Q1: Is my therapist's care real if I'm paying her?

05:39 Q2: Why does she know everything about me when I know nothing about her?

11:35 Why I say "patient"

13:19 Q3: Does my therapist think about me between sessions?

17:45 Q4: Why am I so attached to my therapist? (transference explained)

25:07 Q5: I lied to my therapist to impress her

29:36 Q6: My therapist said something that made me angry (ruptures and repair)

36:29 Q7: I think I love my therapist

42:18 Q8: Why can't we be friends after therapy ends?

46:04 Q9: I'm finishing therapy, so why am I devastated?

50:40 Q10: Can I ask my therapist if they care about me?

53:10 Final thoughts

Mentioned: Erotic transference · Ending therapy

Kati's books: Why Do I Keep Doing This? · Traumatized · Are u ok?

Online therapy: BetterHelp, 10% off your first month (affiliate link).

Watch more from Kati on YouTube

Kati's website: katimorton.com

Education only, not a replacement for therapy. In crisis? Call or text 988 (US).
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices