The Dad Edge Podcast

John R. Miles is a Naval Academy graduate, combat veteran, and former Fortune 500 executive who went on to found Passion Struck and write Passion Struck and the upcoming The Mattering Effect: Creating a Life of Meaning and Worth, a Next Big Idea Club selection curated by Susan Cain, Malcolm Gladwell, Daniel Pink, and Adam Grant.
In this episode, John joins Larry to talk about what he calls "the slow fade," the quiet erosion that happens when a man's sense of worth gets tied entirely to what he produces. He shares the story of walking in on an armed intruder in his own home, the friend's suicide that reshaped his life, and the two questions he believes every man should be asking himself about whether he feels valued and who he surrounds himself with.
Timeline Summary
[1:02] Larry introduces John's resume: Naval Academy, combat veteran, Booz Allen, Arthur Andersen, Fortune 500 C-suite roles, and multiple CEO positions.
[3:24] Larry names the turning point in John's story: reaching a state he calls "quiet desperation" despite external success.
[4:14] Larry introduces John's current work as founder of Passion Struck, bestselling author, and podcast host.
[8:10] John explains how a stalled FBI application during a government budget standoff pushed him into Booz Allen and management consulting instead.
[13:24] A chance conversation at a conference leads John to a $5 million contract building flight simulation training for Navy and Marine Corps pilots.
[20:12] John describes hitting a breaking point as an EVP at Catalina Marketing, facing a $100 million problem with a fraction of that in funding.
[22:48] John defines "the slow fade," the concept from his book describing how people quietly disappear from their own lives.
[27:53] John recounts walking in on an armed intruder inside his home shortly after his divorce.
[28:58] Three days after that break-in, a close friend died by suicide, a turning point that led John to start Passion Struck.
[38:07] John breaks down the structure of The Mattering Effect: the first three chapters diagnose the problem, the rest offers a way back.
[39:30] John explains the difference between global and specific self-esteem, and why success in one area of life doesn't guarantee feeling valued in another.
[41:28] John cites Cornell regret research and Bronnie Ware's hospice work: most people's biggest regret is never becoming who they wanted to be.
[47:20] John shares the two questions he thinks every man should ask: are you feeling valued, and are you adding value?
[49:40] John introduces "the Mosquito Principle," his framework for identifying and setting boundaries with draining people.
[57:15] John shares where to find his book, his coaching, and the Passion Struck podcast.
Five Key Takeaways
Success and feeling valued are two different things. You can check every external box, title, income, achievements, and still feel like you're disappearing, because self-esteem in one area of life doesn't transfer to the areas that matter most.
Watch for "the slow fade." Nobody wakes up one day and decides to disappear from their own life. It happens gradually, through years of being useful without being seen, until you don't feel as alive as you used to.
Ask yourself two questions regularly: are you feeling valued, and are you adding value? Most high-performing men are excellent at the second and starving for the first.
Identify the "mosquitoes" in your life, the people who quietly drain you, and set boundaries with them. You don't have to keep environments or relationships that only take.
What you don't deal with gets passed down. John's own kids noticed his emotional absence before he did. If you're checked out, your children see it as their mirror, whether you realize it or not.
Links & Resources
The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com
Passion Struck: https://passionstruck.com
John R. Miles: https://johnrmiles.com
Dad Edge Day at State Farm Stadium: https://thedadedge.com/nfl
The Dad Edge Podcast: https://thedadedge.com/1537
Closing
John's story is a gut check for any man who's been rewarded for being useful while quietly disappearing on the inside. The moment his own son asked him why he never laughed anymore says more than any resume ever could. If this episode brought up something heavier for you, you don't have to carry it alone. The 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988) is available any time you need to talk to someone. Go out and live legendary.

Chris Schuett is a Brooklyn dad of two, the COO of Little Cinema, and the author of You Are Now the CFO of a Very Small Family, where he writes about what he calls "the financial drift," the slow, unintentional neglect of a family's financial foundation. He's also the writer behind the New Family CFO newsletter, sharing what he's learned building his own financial system from scratch.
In this episode, Chris joins Larry to unpack why dads put off wills, life insurance, and college savings until "later" quietly becomes years, how to talk to your spouse about money without triggering a fight, and why identifying your family's core values makes financial decisions dramatically easier. Larry also shares the story of paying off $95,000 in debt in five years, and how it nearly sent his wife into a grocery store panic because he never looped her in.
Timeline Summary
[1:02] Chris joins from Brooklyn and the two swap hometown food takes, landing on Texas barbecue over Chicago pizza.
[9:32] Larry introduces Chris as the author of You Are Now the CFO of a Very Small Family and writer of the New Family CFO newsletter.
[11:12] Larry names the concept at the heart of the episode: "the financial drift," the slow neglect that turns one exhausted night into years.
[13:25] Chris defines the financial drift and traces it back to writing his book after three years of getting his own finances in order.
[15:32] Chris explains the drift isn't laziness. Urgent daily tasks always beat important but invisible ones like a will or life insurance.
[16:18] Chris and Larry compare notes on never being taught personal finance in school, only learning it later through trial and error.
[19:36] Chris describes texting a finance-industry friend at 4 or 5 a.m. to ask the "ignorant" money questions he was embarrassed to ask anyone else.
[27:08] Larry shares paying off $95,000 in debt in five years using Dave Ramsey's method, without looping his wife in on the plan first.
[28:17] Larry's wife is left with $150 in checking and no idea why, a story he uses to show what happens when money isn't communicated.
[29:31] Chris says the worst way to start a money conversation is pulling up bank statements. Start with feelings first, numbers second.
[36:16] Chris describes helping a friend buy his first property by focusing on the friend's goals instead of comparing income or net worth.
[40:07] Chris and Larry connect financial decisions to a shared vision, and how couples often never actually align on what that vision is.
[54:14] Chris walks through his family's core values (connection, environment, adventure) and how they make spending decisions almost automatic.
[1:01:37] Chris points listeners to the New Family CFO Substack and his book, available on Amazon in Kindle and paperback.
 
Five Key Takeaways
The financial drift happens to almost every dad. It's not that you're ignoring your family's finances on purpose, it's that urgent daily tasks always crowd out the important but invisible ones, like a will or life insurance, until years have quietly gone by.
Don't open a money conversation with bank statements. Start by asking your spouse how they're feeling about your finances first. Leading with numbers turns the conversation into an audit, and audits start fights.
You only have two ways to create more money in your life: increase your income or decrease your expenses. Once you accept that, you can stop guessing and start deciding where your finite balance actually goes.
Know your family's core values before you make big financial calls. When Chris and his wife identified connection, environment, and adventure as theirs, spending on travel and family time stopped feeling like a debate.
Paying off debt in secret isn't a win if your spouse doesn't know the plan. Larry paid off $95,000 in five years, but he also left his wife staring at $150 in checking with no explanation. Communication has to come before the strategy.
 
Links & Resources
You Are Now the CFO of a Very Small Family: https://www.amazon.com/You-Are-Very-Small-Family/dp/B0H2G1NVZM
New Family CFO: https://newfamilycfo.substack.com
Little Cinema: https://www.littlecinema.net
The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey: https://store.ramseysolutions.com/money/books/the-total-money-makeover-by-dave-ramsey/
The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman: https://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-That-Lasts/dp/1594153515
The Dad Edge Podcast: https://thedadedge.com/1536
 
Closing
Chris's story about paying off debt without ever looping his wife in, and the panic she felt staring at $150 in the checking account, is a reminder that a good financial plan means nothing if your spouse isn't part of it. The real work isn't the spreadsheet, it's the conversation that happens before you ever open one. Start with how you're both feeling about money, get clear on your family's core values, and let those values point you toward your vision instead of chasing whatever the Joneses bought this week. Go out and live legendary.

Michael Lassman had millions of dollars, a successful Wall Street career, and by every outward measure had made it. Then alcoholism took nearly all of it away. In this deeply honest conversation, Michael walks Larry through his descent, his years long estrangement from his children, and the long road back through a twelve step program, faith, and eventually writing two books about what he learned along the way.
What makes this conversation land so hard is how much Larry opens up in return. He shares a recent, still raw season of using alcohol to cope with his oldest son leaving home, and the moment his own ten year old son called it out. He also shares his mother's decades long struggle with alcoholism and the hard boundaries he has had to set to protect his own family. If you have ever used something, anything, to numb a feeling you did not want to sit with, this conversation offers real, hard won language for that struggle and a path through it.
 
Timeline Summary
1:01 Michael shares the statistic that started this conversation. Most people report their life feels meaningless
2:08 Michael's descent in 2011. From a successful Wall Street career to living in a cheap motel
3:12 Michael shares contemplating suicide during his lowest point
4:07 The night police broke down his motel door, believing he was dead
6:14 How Michael went from millions of dollars to near total loss over several years
7:10 The year his children refused to speak to him, and what led to that breaking point
11:40 The story of his son reaching out after a friend's father died unexpectedly
12:39 A full introduction to Michael. A four decade career, multiple businesses, and two books
17:03 Michael reflects on what he would say to the version of himself at his lowest point
22:53 Introducing the spiritual malady, and why addiction is ultimately a comfort problem
25:43 A client's story. Four years free from pornography addiction and now helping other men
26:51 Naming the common thread behind every vice. It is never really about the substance itself
29:04 Michael's story of nearly relapsing at a bus station six months after leaving treatment, and the three step formula that stopped him
32:35 Larry shares his own recent struggle using alcohol to cope with his son leaving home
37:44 Larry's decision to stop drinking for the rest of the year, and how it has felt so far
40:00 Referencing this as episode 1535, and Michael sharing what led him to write about allowing God to remove his character defects
41:31 Breaking down the resentment inventory process from the twelve steps
44:53 Understanding surrender as the paradox at the center of recovery
48:33 Michael's reconciliation with his ex-wife after she read his memoir in full
52:12 An update on Michael's now adult son and daughter, and the state of those relationships today
55:52 Larry shares his own mother's decades long struggle with alcoholism
56:59 The specific incident that led Larry to set a hard boundary with his mother
59:04 Larry reflects on forgiveness without full reconciliation
1:00:23 The danger of family members unintentionally enabling an addict, and the value of Al Anon
1:01:06 Michael's closing message on finding purpose at the intersection of your values, gifts, and hardest experiences
1:04:07 Where to find Michael and his books
 
Five Key Takeaways
Addiction is rarely about the substance itself. It is almost always an attempt to escape discomfort, whether that discomfort is anxiety, sadness, resentment, or grief.
A simple three step practice can interrupt a craving in the moment. Name the discomfort to God or a higher power, talk to someone about what you are actually feeling, and then look for someone else you can help.
Surrender is not weakness. Trying to control or white knuckle your way through a painful season often makes the struggle worse, while genuinely letting go can be the thing that finally creates real change.
Reconciliation and forgiveness are not the same thing. You can forgive someone fully while still choosing not to reconcile or reopen a relationship that is not safe for your family.
Noticing a pattern early, even a small one, matters. A comment from a child or a spouse can be the signal that something you thought was harmless is actually a way of avoiding a feeling you have not dealt with yet.
 
Links and Resources
Killing Mr. Hyde by Michael Lassman: https://www.amazon.com/Killing-Mr-Hyde-Michael-Lassman/dp/1942451024 
Modern Man's Search for Meaning by Michael Lassman: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0H1MJ22XN
Michael Lassman: https://www.michael-lassman.com/
The Dad Edge Day at State Farm Stadium: https://thedadedge.com/nfl
The Dad Edge Podcast: https://thedadedge.com/1535
 
Closing
If any part of this conversation felt close to home, whether it is your own relationship with alcohol, a parent's addiction, or a season of using something to avoid a feeling you have not faced yet, please know you are not alone, and help is available. If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, Alcoholics Anonymous and Al Anon are both free, widely available resources. If you are having thoughts of suicide, the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is available 24 hours a day by calling or texting 988. Go out and live legendary.

This week's Wednesday Q&A tackles a single question, but it's one that touches a lot of co-parenting dads. A member named Mike wrote in about a genuinely tricky situation. His ex-wife coaches their daughter's softball team and wants her fully involved, but Mike is also trying to build his own relationship with his daughter through something they both love, jiu jitsu. The two schedules keep colliding, and Mike is left wondering how much effort he should really be putting into supporting an activity that's eating into his own time with her.
Joe took the lead on this one, drawing from his own experience raising five kids across multiple co-parenting relationships. His core message was simple but hard to live out. Stop asking what's convenient for you and start asking what's genuinely best for your daughter, and never let your kids feel like they have to be the peacekeepers in a situation adults created. Larry tied it together with a reference to a past guest, Gary Chapman, and a lesser known book of his built specifically for blended families. If you're navigating co-parenting tension of your own, this conversation offers real, hard won perspective rather than easy answers.
 
Timeline Summary
1:01 Introducing today's single question format and Joe joining from a borrowed candy shop closet
3:21 Mike's question. Balancing his daughter's softball commitment, coached by his ex-wife, against their own jiu jitsu time together
4:24 Joe's own co-parenting background. Three prior marriages, five kids, and blended families from every angle
6:41 Larry announces a rare, small group preview of the Dad Edge Business Boardroom Brotherhood
8:38 Joe's first question back to Mike. What does his daughter actually want, not what either parent wants for her
11:38 Naming the trap of projecting our own wants and needs onto our kids instead of putting theirs first
13:52 Joe's underlying philosophy. Every co-parenting decision is a chance to build partnership and trust for the years ahead
14:16 Larry announces the first ever Dad Edge Day with the Arizona Cardinals, November 15th
16:39 Joe reflects on his own childhood as a blended family kid caught in the middle
18:24 Naming the difference between being a peacekeeper and a peacemaker
19:23 The scriptural reframe. Blessed are the peacemakers, not the peacekeepers
21:04 Larry shares his own childhood memory of physically stepping between fighting parents
22:07 Mike reflects on what he's taking away from the conversation
23:20 Joe's honest admission that co-parenting wisdom came through years of trial and error
24:44 The long term payoff. Joe's grown kids now raising strong, peaceful families of their own
25:28 Larry introduces Gary Chapman's book on blended families and the five love languages
26:33 Closing reminders about the Boardroom Brotherhood preview and the Arizona Cardinals game
 
Five Key Takeaways
Put your child's actual wants and needs ahead of your own convenience or resentment. Kids can tell the difference between a parent who is genuinely supportive and one who is just tolerating an obligation.
Kids in co-parenting situations often quietly take on the role of peacekeeper, trying to manage tension between the adults around them. Naming that pressure and removing it from their shoulders is one of the most protective things a parent can do.
There is a real difference between keeping the peace and making peace. Peacekeeping is passive and avoids conflict. Peacemaking means actively confronting hard conversations for the sake of the whole family.
Building trust with a difficult co-parent takes years of trial and error, including plenty of failed attempts. The goal is not a quick fix, it is a foundation that will matter even more once your kids reach their teenage years.
The work you put into peaceful co-parenting now can shape your children's own future marriages and families, long after the original conflict is resolved.
 
Links and Resources
Building Love Together in Blended Families by Gary Chapman and Ron L. Deal: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07WJ1DFT6?lv=shuf&channelId=500&plpRedirect=mhFallback
The Dad Edge Day at State Farm Stadium: https://thedadedge.com/nfl
Dad Edge Business Boardroom Brotherhood Preview: https://thedadedge.com/guest
The Dad Edge Podcast: https://thedadedge.com/1534
 
Closing
If you take one thing from this episode, let it be Joe's line that peacemaking means dying to your own wants for the sake of your kids. It is not easy, and it will not happen overnight, but the payoff, watching your own children grow up to build peaceful families of their own, is worth every bit of the work. Go out and live legendary.

David Gerber opens this episode with a story that stops you in your tracks: a wild lioness charging at 50 miles an hour, stopping just six feet from him, in the African wilderness where he spends weeks each year tracking lions on foot, not to hunt them, but to experience a level of presence and aliveness he says he's never found anywhere else. David is an executive coach at Novus Global who works with pro athletes, CEOs, and high performers, but the real heart of this conversation is what led him there: a divorce five and a half years ago that broke him open and led to a genuinely dark period in his life, one he's candid about in detail.
We get into his framework for why so many successful, high-performing men quietly rate their own lives a "seven out of ten," comfortable enough to avoid change but never truly alive, and what it actually takes to break out of that pattern. David shares practical tools, including an exercise he calls "making friends with the worst case scenario" and his own process of writing a forgiveness letter to his ex-wife, alongside a genuinely moving exchange about his own complicated relationship with his father. If you've ever felt like you're winning at a life you secretly resent, this conversation offers a real, unflinching way through it.
 
Timeline Summary
[1:02] David's story of a wild lioness charging within six feet of him while tracking on foot in Africa
[9:47] Larry announces a rare, small-group preview of the Dad Edge Business Boardroom Brotherhood
[11:25] Why David has never seen anyone run from a charging lion, and how courage functions like an energy
[14:34] A full introduction to David: executive coach at Novus Global, author of "The Lion Is You"
[16:51] The origin of the book's title and David's lifelong fascination with lions
[17:41] David shares a period of significant suicidal ideation following his divorce
[22:33] Unpacking what made the divorce and its aftermath so difficult for him personally
[23:47] David shares taking a hair loss medication around the time of his divorce and its effect on him
[26:43] Larry announces the first-ever Dad Edge Day with the Arizona Cardinals, November 15th
[29:33] Introducing "the drift," and why winning at a resented life is more dangerous than failing
[36:15] The "1 to 10 scale" most people rate their lives on, and why most land on a comfortable seven
[36:36] The story of "Mike," who sold his company for $42.4 million and still felt unfulfilled
[38:19] The question Mike's wife asked him that changed everything: "does this mean you can have donuts with dad at school?"
[41:11] What actually calls a man to change without a crisis forcing his hand
[46:11] The exercise of identifying what's blocking you from being present
[50:35] David's "making friends with the worst case scenario" exercise
[53:11] Why David now considers his divorce the best thing that ever happened to him
[54:36] The forgiveness letter David wrote to his ex-wife, and what writing it did for him
[57:31] Larry shares his own story of reconciling with his biological father after years apart
[59:02] Larry's son Mason asks how Larry was able to forgive his own father
[1:01:05] David's closing message: find the people closest to you and ask if you need to do deeper work
[1:04:09] Where to find David and his book
 
Five Key Takeaways
The most dangerous thing for a high performer often isn't failure, it's winning at a life they secretly resent. Many successful people rate their own lives a comfortable seven out of ten, good enough to avoid real change.
A crisis isn't the only thing that can call someone toward a better life. Getting honest about what you deeply want, and don't currently have, can spark the same shift without requiring rock bottom first.
"Making friends with the worst case scenario" means imagining the thing you fear most happening, and recognizing that even then, you'd likely find a way through it, and possibly grow because of it rather than in spite of it.
Forgiveness doesn't require the other person's response or validation. Writing something down and releasing resentment can restore your own integrity and peace, whether or not it changes the relationship itself.
True presence requires doing real inner work, understanding your nervous system and emotional patterns, not just deciding to "be more present" as an abstract intention.
 
Links & Resources
The Lion Is You: Lessons from the Wild on Coming Alive Again by David Gerber: https://www.amazon.com/Lion-You-Lessons-Coming-Alive/dp/1971795003
David Gerber: https://www.davidagerber.com
David Gerber on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/davidgerber
Novus Global: https://novus.global/
The Dad Edge Day at State Farm Stadium: https://thedadedge.com/nfl
Dad Edge Business Boardroom Brotherhood Preview: https://thedadedge.com/guest
The Dad Edge Podcast: https://thedadedge.com/1533
 
Closing
What's staying with me from this conversation is David's line that the most dangerous life isn't the one that fails, it's the one you win at while secretly resenting it. If you're sitting at a comfortable seven right now, wondering if that's just what life is supposed to feel like, let this be the nudge to ask what you actually, deeply want. And if you're in a season that feels much darker than a seven, please don't carry that alone. The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available 24/7 by calling or texting 988. Go out and live legendary.