The Dad Edge Podcast

Gary John Bishop is the New York Times bestselling author behind Unfuk Yourself* and Stop Doing That Sht*, whose books have sold over 4.5 million copies and whose audiobooks alone have topped 2 million. Making his sixth appearance on the show, the Scottish philosopher and personal development author joins Larry to break down his newest book, Now What, and challenge the entire premise of self-help.
This conversation gets into why chasing the next fix keeps you stuck, how your old solutions quietly become your current problems, and why self-invention beats self-improvement for good. If you're a dad who's done all the work, read all the books, and still catches himself asking why life feels the same, this one will reframe how you see time, identity, and being present with your kids.
 
Timeline Summary
[1:02] – Gary returns for his sixth appearance and the "Larry and Gary Show" reunion
[3:13] – The line that started it all: solving your life instead of living in it
[5:23] – Why the book slapped Gary around as he wrote it and questioned everything he knew
[6:38] – Realizing most of what we call fulfillment is actually just relief
[8:03] – Now is not a time, now is a place, and now is eternal, but you're not
[11:28] – How Gary scrapped a finished manuscript and rewrote the guts in 30 days
[14:20] – The difference between having knowledge of something and truly knowing it
[22:12] – How old solutions become current problems: work ethic turning into workaholism
[27:03] – Larry on his son's graduation and why he felt joy instead of regret
[29:52] – The meerkat in the cathedral and why context is your one true superpower
[32:16] – Alan Watts on standing in a river with the past and future always here
[36:13] – Self-invention over self-improvement and why the "self" isn't broken
[41:20] – Declaring who you are as accomplished and letting it call you forward
[48:00] – What to do when the people closest to you resist the new version of you
[53:03] – Why we prefer the certainty of misery over the uncertainty of joy
[1:00:26] – The simplest way to teach kids this thinking through better questions
 
5 Key Takeaways
Stop Solving, Start Living — Most people spend their whole lives fixing the problem in front of their face, then wonder why relief never comes. A life you create still has problems, but they're the right ones.
Old Solutions Become New Problems — The job, the relationship, the work ethic you built to fix an old pain often becomes the very thing troubling you now. Recognizing that pattern is how you stop repeating it.
Context Is Your Superpower — You can't always change what's happening, but you can shift the context you hold it in. Mandela sat in the same cell for years and chose to experience it as a life of service.
Self-Invention Beats Self-Improvement — You aren't a broken, fixed thing that needs better habits. Through language you can declare who you are right now and let that identity call new actions out of you.
Teach Kids to Question, Not to Comply — Instead of correcting kids, ask them where they heard that, what they're making it mean, and what else it could mean. "Now what?" asked honestly and repeatedly shifts any story.
 
Links & Resources
Episode page and all links — https://thedadedge.com/1503
Join the Dad Edge Alliance — https://thedadedge.com/join
Dad Edge Boardroom Goal Setting Intensive — https://thedadedge.com/goals
Now What by Gary John Bishop — available wherever books are sold
Gary John Bishop's website — https://garyjohnbishop.com
Follow Gary John Bishop on Instagram — https://instagram.com/garyjohnbishop
Follow Gary John Bishop on TikTok — https://tiktok.com/@garyjohnbishop 
 
Enjoyed This Episode?
If Gary's idea that "now is a place, not a time" cracked something open for you, don't let it stop at a listen. Send this episode to a dad who's done all the work and still feels stuck, and try asking your kids one of Gary's questions this week. If the show keeps delivering for you, follow, rate, and leave a review so more fathers can find these conversations.

Rock Thomas is a serial entrepreneur, motivational speaker, and personal development teacher whose 7.5-minute story about his father has been viewed by over 125 million people and credited with changing thousands of lives. The youngest of seven kids raised on a farm by a cold, duty-bound father, he channeled that pain into decades of overachievement before spending over $2 million on his own healing and building a body of work on breaking generational trauma.
This episode gets into what happens when a boy grows up chasing a father's approval that never comes, and how that wound quietly shapes marriage, friendship, and the way you show up as a dad. If you are a father wrestling with your own childhood, questioning whether you're doing a good job, or trying to break a cycle you inherited, this conversation will hit home.
 
Timeline Summary
[1:02] – Larry shares how a coach showed him Rock's video at the Dad Edge Summit and it moved him to tears
[2:14] – Rock explains how his 7.5-minute story with Goal Cast reached 125 million people and stopped people from taking their lives
[3:00] – The origin of the wound: a young boy craving a distant German father's approval
[4:20] – Broken arm, "suck it up," and the trauma that drove decades of overworking
[5:16] – Why Rock reframes the David Goggins "stay hard" model as pain in disguise
[6:08] – The empty, hollow heart behind the boats, cars, and houses
[7:07] – Rock's mission to be the one who breaks the generational cycle
[7:28] – The football day: waking up excited, and the moment his spirit broke
[9:53] – Larry describes his own absent father and running into him in a coffee shop at 30
[12:06] – Larry's vow to play with his kids 300 days a year after watching Rock's video
[18:22] – How the father wound showed up in Rock's friendships and marriages through self-sabotage
[23:00] – The hockey parking lot: leaving before the other kids to please his father
[24:14] – Why Rock spent over $2 million on therapy, mentors, and personal development
[28:52] – The real win isn't the home run, it's a dad in the stands saying "that's my boy"
[30:25] – Larry shows a video of his 17-year-old son and the dad he's becoming
[33:12] – Rock on the ego, the amygdala, and the voice of doubt keeping men stuck
[35:07] – The "I used to... but now" method for rewiring your identity one small shift at a time
[42:26] – Why big hairy goals backfire and how tiny wins harness dopamine and the RAS
 
5 Key Takeaways
Kids Want Connection, Not Trophies — Overachievement can look like success while masking an empty heart. What children actually crave is to be seen, felt, and heard, not provided for from a distance.
The Wound Shapes Every Relationship — An unhealed father wound quietly leaks into marriage and friendship through self-sabotage and distrust. Naming the pattern is the first step to stopping it.
Break the Cycle On Purpose — You can be the one person in your family line who chooses differently. Doing the work now means your kids inherit the healing instead of the wound.
Change Your Identity One "I Used To" At a Time — When a negative thought surfaces, catch it and say "I used to... but now" followed by a tiny new action. Small wins trigger dopamine and reprogram your subconscious over time.
Small Goals Beat Big Hairy Goals — Massive goals trip your survival brain into fear of failure. Micro-commitments slip past that alarm and let your reticular activating system pull you toward the person you want to be.
 
Links & Resources
Podcast Shownotes — https://thedadedge.com/1502
The Dad Edge Alliance — https://thedadedge.com/join
The Dad Edge Business Boardroom Brotherhood — https://thedadedge.com/goals
 
Enjoyed This Episode?
If Rock's story about that one football morning hit you the way it hit Larry, don't keep it to yourself. Text this episode to a dad who's carrying his own father wound, or to a friend who's chasing approval he'll never get. And if this show keeps showing up for you, follow, rate, and leave a review so more fathers can find it.

Larry Hagner and Joe sit down for a Wednesday Q&A the day after Larry's 51st birthday, and this one goes deep on marriage repair. Nick brought a raw, real question to the room: his wife has finally said she's willing to try to fix things and go to counseling, and he's scared. Scared to hope. Scared she doesn't mean it. Scared he'll lose himself in the process of trying to save the relationship.
What follows is one of those conversations that only happens when the guys in the room have actually lived it. Joe opens up about being what he calls a three-time marriage loser and a one-time marriage big winner, and he doesn't dress it up. He blew up three marriages before he learned the thing that changed everything: when you take your wife as your bride, you inherit all of her wounds, even the ones her father put there, even the ones you didn't create. Your job isn't to fix only the damage you did. Your job is to become sensitive to all of it, so she finally feels safe enough to lower the shields.
Then Larry brings in two tools that shift the whole frame. The first is vision, fast-forwarding the tape to a year from now and asking your spouse what you'd both be celebrating, because whatever we focus on grows and whatever we resist persists. The second is forgiveness, and here Larry shares the framework Father Stephen Gadberry gave him: forgiveness isn't a single conversation, it's a plant. You water it, you don't overwater it, and as it grows you keep pruning it. You forgive but you never fully forget, so you keep coming back to the conversation with curiosity instead of an attack.
If you're a man trying to rebuild trust in a marriage that's been hard for years, or you're carrying resentment you don't know how to put down, this episode gives you a real place to start. It's about consistency when you don't feel like it, owning wounds you didn't cause, and building a vision worth walking toward together.
 
Timeline Summary
[1:02] Larry opens the Wednesday Q&A the day after turning 51, and shares why his 50s beat his 40s
[1:19] The July birthday promotion breakdown: signed book, patience course, marriage course, and 50 conversation starters
[2:34] Joe comes on and speaks from the heart about getting a front row seat to Larry's last decade
[3:43] Nick asks his question after his wife agreed to try repairing the relationship and start counseling
[4:26] Larry points Nick back to the consistency and brotherhood that softened his wife in the first place
[5:30] Why real repair takes years not months, and why you keep going even without visible results
[6:19] Joe introduces himself as a three time marriage loser and one time big winner
[7:12] Nick admits he's responsible for about 90% of his wife's wounds, and Joe says he owns all of them
[8:11] The wisdom Joe was given: you inherit the wounds her father and others put in her heart
[9:01] Why women go into self preservation mode and how shields only drop when they feel safe
[10:02] Joe shares how his tone of voice was unknowingly triggering Ivy's father wounds
[10:54] Larry names Nick's real fear, that his wife is only saying the words to keep things civil
[15:00] Joe offers to talk with Nick personally about forgiveness and what it is and isn't
[16:06] Larry sets up the Father Stephen Gadberry forgiveness episode and who Gadberry is
[17:07] The vision exercise: fast forward to July 7th next year and ask what you'd be celebrating
[19:25] The forgiveness-as-a-plant framework: plant the seed, water it right, and keep pruning it
[23:49] Larry drops the line that lands hardest: what you criticize metastasizes, what you affirm multiplies
[24:38] Larry's real example of praising his oldest son over text and watching the good behavior grow
 
Five Key Takeaways
When you marry someone, you inherit all of their wounds, even the ones you didn't cause and the ones their parents left behind. Your job isn't to address only the damage you're responsible for. It's to become sensitive to all of it so she feels safe.
Real repair is built on consistency, not intensity. If things have been hard for three years, they won't turn around in three months, so you keep showing up and doing the work even when you don't feel like it and even when you don't see the softening yet.
Women stay guarded when they're in self preservation mode. The shields only come down when they feel safe with you around all of their wounds, so lead differently around the walls even when you didn't build them.
Stop fighting over the past and build a shared vision instead. Ask your spouse what you'd both be celebrating a year from now, because whatever you resist persists and whatever you focus on grows.
Forgiveness is a process, not a single conversation. Think of it like a plant you water, protect, and prune over time. You forgive but you never fully forget, so keep returning to the conversation with curiosity instead of an attack.
 
Links & Resources
Shownotes for this episode — https://thedadedge.com/1501
Join the Dad Edge Alliance (July promotion: signed book, patience course, marriage course, 50 conversation starters) — https://thedadedge.com/join
How to Forgive Someone Without Letting Them Off the Hook featuring Father Stephen Gadberry — https://thedadedge.com/how-to-forgive-someone-without-letting-them-off-the-hook-featuring-father-stephen-gadberry/
 
Closing
Nick came into this call scared to hope, and by the end he'd shown he was already doing the work: leading with vision, talking about letting old habits die, thinking in terms of pruning the plant instead of tearing it down. That's the whole thing right there. You don't rebuild a marriage by beating down the resentment. You build it by owning the wounds, staying consistent when it's hard, and affirming the good things you want to see multiply. If your marriage has been in a hard season, take Joe's challenge to heart, own all of it, and take Larry's, cast a vision worth walking toward together. Go out and live legendary.

My guest is Caitlin V, a sexologist and relationship coach who started out as a sexual health researcher and policy analyst before realizing that real change doesn't happen in research papers. It happens in honest conversations between real people. She's the host of Good Sex on HBO Max, her YouTube channel has reached hundreds of millions of people, and she's become one of the leading voices in men's sexual health, helping guys overcome erectile dysfunction, performance anxiety, premature ejaculation, and the isolation that comes with those struggles.
This conversation went places I didn't expect. Caitlin explains why the biggest roadblock in a couple's sex life isn't your partner, it's the gap between your expectations and reality. She breaks down why "why can't we have more sex" is almost never about sex, what women are actually attracted to in a man (the Indiana University smell study blew my mind), and why the way you do anything is the way you do everything. I also got personal about my own marriage, including why I quit porn years ago and the one question I asked my wife in our mudroom three months ago that changed how we think about intimacy.
If you and your wife have slipped into roommate mode, if the conversation about sex feels impossible to start, or if you want to rebuild attraction and connection after years of kids, schedules, and busyness, this episode is your roadmap back.
 
Timeline Summary
[1:02] Larry opens with an adult content disclaimer and celebrates episode 1500 landing on his 51st birthday after 11 years
[3:00] The single biggest roadblock in couples' sex lives, the painful gap between expectations and lived experience
[5:16] The performance expectations men carry into the bedroom, from lasting longer to frequency to technical skill
[10:11] Caitlin's first piece of advice for every man, start with your own relationship to sexuality before approaching your wife
[11:37] Why "why can't we have more sex" is really a request for closeness, connection, and feeling loved
[16:33] Caitlin's story, from sexual health researcher to sexologist and host of Good Sex on HBO Max
[20:13] Fact checking the viral claim that 50% of couples married three plus years haven't had sex in a year
[21:55] Why Gen Z is having less sex, porn access, dating app algorithms designed to keep you single, and Covid
[28:49] The Indiana University t-shirt study, why smell predicts attraction and how birth control changes desire
[36:37] What women actually find attractive in a man's body, hands, forearms, posture, and capability over six packs
[44:40] Why your solo sex life shapes your marriage, and Caitlin's snack versus whole meal analogy
[49:49] Larry opens up about quitting porn years ago and how it fixed his arousal issues and transformed intimacy
[53:37] Retraining your body without porn, why orgasm may take weeks to return, and why nobody fails to get there
[57:00] Escaping roommate syndrome, why sex was never actually spontaneous, and reclaiming the effort of courtship
[59:35] The intimacy spectrum beyond penetration, and Caitlin's personal story of healing pain through yoni massage
[1:06:09] The mudroom moment, how one question changed the way Larry and his wife connect after 23 years of marriage
 
Five Key Takeaways
The biggest obstacle in your sex life isn't your wife. It's the unspoken gap between what you expected sex to be and what it actually is, and the shame that keeps both of you from talking about it.

Never bring the conversation to her when it's burning hot. Do your own untangling first, figure out what you actually need underneath the request, and come with self-awareness and accountability instead of a demand.

How you care for your body is a proxy for how you care for everything. Your grooming, your hygiene, and your posture tell her more about who you are than a six pack ever will.

Don't show up to your wife starving. If she's the only source of meeting your needs, every approach carries desperation. Take care of yourself first and you'll come to her with something to give instead of something to take.

Sex is one point on a wide spectrum of intimacy. A shoulder massage, a hand in hand walk, or a deep conversation on the couch can keep you insanely connected without needing to lead anywhere.

 
Links & Resources
Caitlin V on YouTube — https://www.youtube.com/@caitlinvneal
Caitlin V's website with free yoni massage guide and courses — https://caitlinvneal.com
Erotic Blueprints playlist — search "Caitlin V blueprints" on YouTube
Join The Dad Edge Alliance in July to get a signed copy of The Pursuit of Legendary Fatherhood, both courses, and the 50 Intimate Conversation Starters PDF — https://thedadedge.com/join
This episode — https://thedadedge.com/1500
Closing
Fifteen hundred episodes, and this might be one of the most important conversations I've ever had on this show. When I stood in my mudroom and asked my wife "what type of intimacy would you be up for today," everything about how we connect shifted, and that's available to you too. Don't wait until it's burning hot to have this conversation, and don't settle for being roommates with the woman you married. Share this one with a brother who needs it. Go out and live legendary.

If you're trying to put the puzzle pieces of your marriage back together, or you're stuck in that roommate syndrome that drains the life out of a home, this replay is for you. I'm bringing back G.S. Youngblood, author of two bestselling books, The Masculine in Relationship and The Art of Embodiment for Men, because over the past couple of months I've gotten so many emails from men who are really, really struggling in their marriages. His work has come up again and again in our community, and he's even helped me with my own clients.
What I love about G.S. is that he lives in neither of the two extremes most men swing between. There's the ultimate nice guy who's disrespected, unappreciated, and quietly filled with resentment because his needs never get met, and there's the toxic, controlling, domineering guy on the other end. Neither one is attractive, and neither one leads. G.S. teaches what he calls relational masculinity, staying grounded in your masculine core while being deeply connected to your partner, and he lays out a three part blueprint any man can actually follow.
This was one of our top shows of the past year, and we get into the stuff that changes marriages. We talk about firm but loving parenting and why ruling by fear breaks down the relationship you'll want with your kids later. We talk about grounding your nervous system before you ever try to fix anything, and G.S. even walks me through a live embodiment exercise right there in my chair. And we get honest about sex, rejection, and the little hurt boy that shows up when we feel shut down.
G.S. was one of our speakers at the Men's Forge this past April, and he blew the doors off. I've read his book three times now. If you've been banging your head against the wall in your marriage, or you just want to understand why your wife can sniff out an agenda from a mile away, this conversation is going to give you clarity and probably piss you off a little at the same time, in the best way.
 
Timeline Summary
[1:02] Larry sets up the replay and why he's bringing G.S. Youngblood back for men struggling in their marriages
[3:00] The July promotion for the Alliance and Boardroom, with a hard stop on July 31st
[5:05] G.S. on his intense but loving childhood and how it polarized him into the good boy role
[7:36] Firm but loving parenting, and why he went the opposite direction with his own kids
[10:06] The energetic difference between "no" with an iron fist and "I love you, but no"
[11:15] Why ruling by fear gets compliance but breaks the free flowing relationship you want later
[14:05] Inner clarity comes first, and why nice guys chase external validation instead
[16:01] The daily embodiment practice G.S. installs with every man before anything else
[20:03] A day in the life of his grounding routine: ground connection, breathwork, movement, meditation
[22:41] Why embodiment sticks better than meditation, and a live exercise Larry does in his chair
[26:36] Curiosity, agenda, and how women sense the energetic plane men usually ignore
[31:21] The frozen "data file" picture men keep of their wives, and why the feminine is always changing
[34:31] Emotional safety as the foundation of sexual chemistry, and going for the cause not the symptom
[39:38] The Masculine Blueprint: respond versus react, provide structure, and create safety
[41:07] What to tell the man who says "I stay calm and she still pushes back"
[45:59] Provide structure without domination, and the clarity plus inclusion principle
[50:18] Larry's story of owning his need for sex without getting pissy, and how it landed for his wife
[53:02] Why sexual rejection feels like kryptonite, and owning your sexuality with power or humor
[58:02] The gift of reassurance from Larry's wife, and reframing rejection that isn't about you
[1:03:16] Leading your partner toward arousal by getting her back into her body
[1:04:35] Where to find G.S.: his bootcamp, workshops, Instagram, and book
 
Five Key Takeaways
Lead your family with firmness and heart at the same time, not with an iron fist and not with a loose "anything goes" structure. You can be powerful, clear, and unyielding while staying in your heart, and that artful blend is what your kids and your wife actually need.
Before you try to fix anything in your marriage, ground your nervous system with a daily embodiment practice. When you're triggered, you make regressed, reactive decisions, but when you bring your awareness back into your body and into the present moment, the fight in front of you isn't nearly as scary as your nervous system claims.
Stop pounding on the symptoms and go find what's underneath. When a good woman is chronically prickly, critical, or shut down sexually, it's usually because a need isn't being met or a wound never got addressed, and your job as a man is to lead the way back to connection rather than blame her mood.
You may or may not be the problem, but you are the solution. Stop trying to figure out who caused the fight and step up to be bigger than her mood, because taking ownership of the repair is what masculine leadership actually looks like.
Rejection around sex feels like kryptonite, but going into your little hurt boy and pouting is deeply unattractive to your wife. Own your sexuality with calm power or playful humor, remember that a "no" often has nothing to do with you, and know that her desire can live just below the surface waiting for connection to bring it up.
 
Links & Resources
Episode 1499 show notes: https://thedadedge.com/1499
Join The Dad Edge Alliance and Boardroom (July promotion): https://thedadedge.com/join
The Dad Edge Boardroom mastermind (apply and book a call): https://thedadedge.com/mastermind
G.S. Youngblood's website and bootcamp: https://gsyoungblood.com
G.S. Youngblood on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/gsyoungblood
 
Closing
Go back to the moment in this episode where I told G.S. about my wife looking me dead in the eye and saying, "Larry, it's never you." I had spent years viewing every "not tonight" through a lens of personal rejection, and that one piece of reassurance changed how I show up. That's the whole point of this work. You are not the toxic iron fist guy and you are not the resentful nice guy, you're a man learning to lead with a straight spine and a big heart. If this episode shook something loose for you, share it with a brother who's been quietly banging his head against the wall in his own marriage, and go grab the July promotion at thedadedge.com before it's gone on July 31st. Go out and live legendary.