Black Girl Burnout

Continuing the How to Soften Without Falling Apart series, this episode focuses on the boundaries required to protect your humanity in overwhelming times. Kelley explores why Black women are often conditioned to absorb pain, urgency, and responsibility—and how that leads to exhaustion and burnout. Through nervous-system-informed tools and practical language, she offers a new way forward: learning to respond without absorbing, care without carrying, and stay connected without overextending yourself.
Key Takeaways
Compassion does not require absorption—you can care deeply without carrying what isn’t yours.
Boundaries are not disconnection; they are how relationships, nervous systems, and softness stay sustainable.
Responding with intention is more powerful—and healthier—than reacting with urgency.
Episode Highlights & Timestamps
[01:13–02:30] “You Can Care Without Carrying” Kelley introduces the core reframe of the episode and names how global grief, personal responsibility, and constant exposure overwhelm the nervous system.
[02:54–05:35] Absorbing vs. Responding A clear distinction between emotional absorption and intentional response—and why Black women are often socialized to confuse the two.
[09:00–10:32] Nervous System Signals & Regulation How to recognize when you’re absorbing too much and simple, accessible ways to regulate before burnout sets in.
[19:29–22:03] Media, Work, and Choosing Limits Why constant exposure to trauma isn’t care—and how limiting media and redefining urgency restores clarity, compassion, and capacity. 
A Gentle Invitation: Care Without Carrying
This week, notice one place where you may be absorbing more than you need to—whether it’s conversations, media, work urgency, or emotional labor. Choose one small boundary to practice: pausing before responding, limiting exposure, or naming a time limit with love. Boundaries aren’t about becoming cold—they’re how you stay human, compassionate, and connected for the long haul.
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@blackgirlburnout
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Stay in Touch
Join our Substack family for weekly reflections, tools, and behind-the-scenes notes from Kelley.
Become a paid Substack subscriber ($5/month—the cost of a latte!) for exclusive resources to support your burnout-free life.
Our Sponsors
Check out PharmaNutra and use my code BGB for a great deal: https://pharmanutra-us.com
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In this episode of Black Girl Burnout, Kelley names what many of us are living through: the world is still loud, uncertain, and heavy—and there is no clean “after” yet. Instead of focusing on who we’ll become once things settle, this conversation centers on who we are while things are still on fire. Kelley explores how survival mode can quietly become an identity, what we lose when that happens, and why softness isn’t a luxury reserved for easier times. This episode offers a grounded, realistic path toward staying human, gentle, and connected to yourself—even in the middle of crisis.
Key Takeaways
Survival mode is a strategy, not your personality—and staying in it too long can cost you parts of yourself that matter.
Softness doesn’t require perfect conditions; it can help you pace yourself, care for your body, and choose what you carry.
Protecting your identity in hard times is often quiet, personal work—but it’s essential for long-term sustainability.
Episode Highlights & Timestamps
[00:00–01:40] Living While Things Are Still Hard
Kelley reframes the conversation away from “after the crisis” and toward how to remain human, soft, and connected to yourself while the world is still unsettled.
[02:08–05:43] When Survival Mode Becomes an Identity
A clear breakdown of how survival mode works, why it’s protective, and what happens when it starts shaping behavior—and eventually, identity.
[06:09–08:48] Softness Without Delusion
Kelley explains how softness can coexist with awareness, regulation, and discernment—offering a version of gentleness that doesn’t deny reality.
[15:30–17:29] Building a Life Quietly
A powerful reflection on resisting urgency, hustle, and constant reinvention—and why choosing softness and stability leads to a more sustainable life.
A Gentle Invitation: Choosing Yourself, Even Now
Take a few quiet moments this week to reflect on three things:
What values matter to you no matter how hard things get?
What parts of yourself do you refuse to harden or lose?
What small, realistic activities help you feel like you, even briefly?
Write them down. Choose one act of softness—music, rest, beauty, laughter, gentleness—and take it seriously. You don’t need permission to care for yourself while things are still messy. Staying human is not something you wait for—it’s something you practice.
Support the Show
Like, share, and subscribe on all platforms, and find us on social media
@blackgirlburnout
Subscribe to our newsletter: blackgirlburnout.com
Watch the episode on YouTube
Drop a review—help us spread the word that rest is not weakness.
Stay in Touch
Join our Substack family for weekly reflections, tools, and behind-the-scenes notes from Kelley.
Become a paid Substack subscriber ($5/month—the cost of a latte!) for exclusive resources to support your burnout-free life.
Our Sponsors
Check out PharmaNutra and use my code BGB for a great deal: https://pharmanutra-us.com
Savvy Ladies: https://www.savvyladies.org/
Advertising Inquiries: RedCircle
Privacy & Opt-Out: RedCircle

Our Sponsors:
* Check out PharmaNutra and use my code BGB for a great deal: https://pharmanutra-us.com

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this episode, Kelley explores why softness is not collapse or avoidance—but a survival strategy in hard times. As the world feels increasingly heavy, she reframes softness as discernment, protection, and a way to stay human without disappearing. Through personal reflection and practical examples, Kelley invites listeners to release constant bracing and reconnect with their bodies, boundaries, and choices. This episode is a reminder that tenderness is not a liability—it’s how we endure with our humanity intact.
Key Takeaways
Softness is not weakness—it’s an embodied way of staying present and human in the face of prolonged stress and uncertainty.
Armoring yourself isn’t sustainable; long-term hardness shrinks empathy, imagination, and joy.
Softness gives you choices—what to take in, what can wait, and what is (and is not) yours to carry.
Episode Highlights & Timestamps
00:00–03:08 — Why prioritizing softness can feel unrealistic right now—and why it matters more than ever
04:00–07:28 — Letting go of survival-mode “warrior” identity and redefining strength
08:00–09:00 — Softness as protection: discernment, nervous system flexibility, and choice
10:35–14:54 — Practical tools: checking your “battery,” releasing what can wait, and putting down what isn’t yours
A Gentle Invitation to Apply This Episode
Today, pause and ask yourself one soft, honest question: “What is my capacity right now?”
If you’re running low, give yourself permission to take in less—less news, less emotional labor, less urgency. If you have more energy, choose one thing to engage with intentionally, not reflexively. Softness doesn’t require fixing your whole life—it begins with one moment of discernment, one boundary, one small release of tension. Let that be enough for today.
Support the Show
Like, share, and subscribe on all platforms, and find us on social media
@blackgirlburnout
Subscribe to our newsletter: blackgirlburnout.com
Watch the episode on YouTube
Drop a review—help us spread the word that rest is not weakness.
Stay in Touch
Join our Substack family for weekly reflections, tools, and behind-the-scenes notes from Kelley.
Become a paid Substack subscriber ($5/month—the cost of a latte!) for exclusive resources to support your burnout-free life.
Our Sponsors
Check out PharmaNutra and use my code BGB for a great deal: https://pharmanutra-us.com
Savvy Ladies: https://www.savvyladies.org/
Advertising Inquiries: RedCircle
Privacy & Opt-Out: RedCircle

Our Sponsors:
* Check out PharmaNutra and use my code BGB for a great deal: https://pharmanutra-us.com

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this episode, Kelley reframes burnout as a response to systems that demand too much—not a personal failure or character flaw. She explores why we internalize stress, how self-betrayal becomes normalized, and what it looks like to support yourself without overriding your body’s needs. You’ll learn how to build support, rhythm, and minimal mindfulness practices that help you stay human in a world that keeps asking for more.
Key Takeaways
Burnout is not a personal failure—it’s often the result of long-term systems stress that forces self-betrayal.
True support includes who you’re around, what you consume, and whether those things calm or dysregulate your nervous system.
Small, consistent rhythms and minimal mindfulness practices can help your body exhale—even in uncertain times.
Episode Highlights & Timestamps (4)
00:00 – Why “Nothing Is Wrong With You” Needs to Be Said Out Loud: Naming burnout as a normal response to abnormal conditions.
02:45 – Burnout as Self-Betrayal, Not Weakness: How systems failure becomes personal harm—and why that matters.
05:20 – Redefining Support: People, Media, and Nervous System Safety: Learning to choose relationships and content that feel like a homecoming.
11:00 – Rhythm, Systems, and Minimal Mindfulness: Simple practices that give your nervous system something steady to return to.
When the World Feels Like Too Much, Try This
After listening, take a quiet moment to ask yourself: What in my life feels nourishing—and what feels depleting? Choose one small shift this week—whether it’s a boundary, a pause, or a grounding practice—that helps your body feel a little safer and more at home.
No fixing. No rushing. Just care.
Support the Show
Like, share, and subscribe on all platforms, and find us on social media
@blackgirlburnout
Subscribe to our newsletter: blackgirlburnout.com
Watch the episode on YouTube
Drop a review—help us spread the word that rest is not weakness.
Stay in Touch
Join our Substack family for weekly reflections, tools, and behind-the-scenes notes from Kelley.
Become a paid Substack subscriber ($5/month—the cost of a latte!) for exclusive resources to support your burnout-free life.
Our Sponsors
Check out PharmaNutra and use my code BGB for a great deal: https://pharmanutra-us.com
Savvy Ladies: https://www.savvyladies.org/
Advertising Inquiries: RedCircle
Privacy & Opt-Out: RedCircle

Our Sponsors:
* Check out PharmaNutra and use my code BGB for a great deal: https://pharmanutra-us.com

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

In this tools-forward conversation, Kelley sits down with business strategist Jessica Lackey, author of Leaving the Casino, to unpack why so many of us have been taught to gamble with our time, energy, and money in the name of success.
This episode challenges the myth that virality, hustle, or six-figure milestones are the key to freedom. Instead, it offers a grounded, nervous-system-safe framework for building careers, businesses, and side hustles that actually support your life.
If you’ve ever felt like burnout was a personal failure—or like you’re doing “everything right” but still not getting the return—you’ll leave this conversation with clarity, language, and permission to do things differently.
Softness without delusion. Systems without self-abandonment.
Staying human is the work.
Key Takeaways
Virality is not a business model: Sustainable work is built through repeatable systems and relationships—not gambling on algorithms or “one big moment.”
You must know what kind of business you’re running: Delivery-based businesses and creator-based businesses require completely different strategies, timelines, and energy costs.
Your Zone of Enoughness matters more than revenue goals: Enoughness includes money, time, flexibility, and creative autonomy—and it shifts across seasons of life.
Work should serve your life, not consume it: Whether in corporate or entrepreneurship, success without nervous-system safety is not success.
Episode Highlights & Timestamps
00:00 – Why “softness alone” isn’t enough: Kelley sets the frame: staying human in systems that don’t care about our nervous systems.
05:10 – The casino metaphor explained: Jessica breaks down how hustle culture, virality, and business hype mirror gambling logic.
17:30 – The questions the casino never asks you: Impact, responsibility, life design, and why most programs skip them entirely.
32:00 – Defining your Zone of Enoughness: Money, time, flexibility, and creative autonomy—and why seven figures isn’t a universal goal.
40:00 – Corporate survival without burnout: Relationship-building, having a point of view, and why your job will never take care of you.
A Gentle Invitation
Before you plan your next move, pause and reflect:
Take 10 minutes and answer these questions honestly:
What kind of work or business am I actually building right now?
Which part of my life do I want this work to protect—not sacrifice?
Where might I be chasing a number, title, or outcome that isn’t aligned with my current season?
You don’t need a new strategy yet. You need clarity about enough.
Let this be an invitation to slow the game down, step out of the casino, and build something that can hold both your ambition and your humanity.
Connect with Jessica Lackey
Leaving the Casino by Jessica Lackey
Signed copies + first chapter: https://deeperfoundations.com/casino
Learn more about Jessica’s work: https://deeperfoundations.com
Follow Jessica on Linkedin
Support the Show
Like, share, and subscribe on all platforms, and find us on social media
@blackgirlburnout
Subscribe to our newsletter: blackgirlburnout.com
Watch the episode on YouTube
Drop a review—help us spread the word that rest is not weakness.
Stay in Touch
Join our Substack family for weekly reflections, tools, and behind-the-scenes notes from Kelley.
Become a paid Substack subscriber ($5/month—the cost of a latte!) for exclusive resources to support your burnout-free life.
Our Sponsors
Check out PharmaNutra and use my code BGB for a great deal: https://pharmanutra-us.com
Savvy Ladies: https://www.savvyladies.org/
Advertising Inquiries: RedCircle
Privacy & Opt-Out: RedCircle

Our Sponsors:
* Check out PharmaNutra and use my code BGB for a great deal: https://pharmanutra-us.com

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy