Pillow Talks

So we're back with Part 3 of What Do Women Really Think About…?, giving you the honest answers women don't always say out loud.

From the mental load to mirror selfies, nothing’s off limits.

💛 In this episode, you'll hear:


Whether women actually want a "book boyfriend," or if that fantasy is better left on the page?


The real deal on mental load: is it running in the background every single day?


Cum on the face: hot, not, or total depends? We give you the honest answer.


Dick pics and mirror selfies: what reads as sexy vs what gets an instant delete?


Blowjobs before a shower: the candid take you've been too shy to ask about.


Why women open up to their friends about their sex lives so freely?


Getting finished with hands or fingers: thoughtful move, or last-ditch effort?

Here's the thing: the questions that feel embarrassing to ask are usually the ones everyone else is secretly wondering too. You're not weird for being curious. You're just paying attention.

🍆 Ready to be the best they've ever had?

The Ultimate Foreplay Guides are our step-by-step guides to using your hands and mouth on your partner in ways that will blow their mind.


Clear, no-guesswork techniques for fingering, oral, handjobs, and blow jobs.


Separate guides for vulvas and penises, so you know exactly what to do.


Built to take you from unsure to genuinely confident.


Perfect if today's questions left you wanting to level up.

👉🏻 Check out The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here: https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay

💛 Stay Connected

📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander

💌 Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe

🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!

==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
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👏Thanks Quince. Elevate your summer wardrobe. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow
👏Thanks StoryWorth. This year, give Dad a gift that captures who he really is, before the stories get harder to remember. Father's day is Sunday, June21st. Order RIGHT NOW and save up to $20. ➡︎https://storyworth.com/pillow
👏Thanks Cure. Not all hydration is created equal. Cure does it right with simple, clead ingredients and flavors worth reaching for all summer long. Use the code PILLOWTALKS for 20% off. Find Cure now at target this summer! Real ingredients. Real Hydration. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOWTALKS
👏Thanks Remi. Protect your teeth with Remi by using code PILLOW to get 50% off your new night guard with Remi Club Subscribe & Save. ➡︎https://shopremi.com/PILLOW
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When was the last time you and your partner did something purely for fun? Not productive, not logistical, not about the kids, just fun.

If you had to think about it for a beat, you're not alone. Most long-term couples slowly drift from enjoying each other to managing life together, and fun is usually the first thing to quietly disappear.

In this episode, we're talking about why couples lose the fun, why it matters way more than most people realize, and 5 surprisingly simple ways to bring it back.

💛 In this episode, you'll hear:


Why fun is one of the most underrated forms of intimacy (and how it actually builds resilience, attraction, and friendship)


The IG poll results that show just how universal this is. Only 21% of our community said they have a lot of fun in their relationship


The most common things that get in the way of fun, from kids and money stress to "we honestly just forget"


The reframe that helps you find more time for fun.

If you've been feeling more like roommates than romantic partners lately, this episode is a gentle reminder that it’s possible to bring back the fun.

🕯️ Want more fun, connection, and intimacy in your relationship every single month?
The Spark is our $9/month subscription designed to keep playfulness, curiosity, and closeness alive in your relationship.


Fresh prompts, date ideas, and conversation starters delivered monthly


Designed for real couples with real lives, not just the honeymoon phase


Easy to fit in, impossible to ignore


Only $9/month, less than a latte and way better for your relationship

👉🏻 Check out The Spark here: https://buy.vmtherapy.com/the-spark?utm_term=podcast

🔗 Links & Resources


Sex Talks (our book) → https://sextalksbook.com


The Ultimate Foreplay Guides → https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay


Ultimate Sex Positions → https://vmtherapy.com/ultimatesex

💛 Stay Connected

📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander

💌 Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe

🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!

==========================

THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS

==========================

👏Thanks StoryWorth. This year, give Dad a gift that captures who he really is, before the stories get harder to remember. Father's day is Sunday, June21st. Order RIGHT NOW and save up to $20. ➡︎https://storyworth.com/pillow

👏Thanks Quince. Refresh your everyday with luxury you'll actually use. Free Shipping on your order and 365-day returns. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow

👏Thanks Cozy Earth. This spring, give yourself the kind of comfort that lives with you all day — not just the moment you get home. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com

👏Thanks Blissy. Because you’re a listener, Blissy is offering 60-nights risk-free PLUS use code PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off. Your skin and hair will thank you!➡︎https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD
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Ever feel like you and your partner are speaking totally different languages when it comes to sex? One of you wants spontaneity, the other needs to feel emotionally close first. One of you craves novelty, the other finds comfort in what already works.

Here's the thing: it's probably not about compatibility. It's about your sex personality types.

In this episode, we walk you through all five types, what drives each one, the superpowers they bring to a relationship, the shadows that can quietly cause friction, and how knowing your type (and your partner's) can completely change the way you understand each other.

💛 In this episode, you'll hear:


Why understanding your sex personality can shift everything about how you connect with your partner


🔥 The Firestarter — the spontaneity-fueled type who treats passion as proof of connection


💞 The Connector — for whom emotional intimacy is the door to physical intimacy


🌸 The Sensualist — present, embodied, sensory-driven


🪶 The Adventurer — curious, playful, novelty-seeking


⚓ The Anchor — steady, communicative, and grounding


How to reframe your partner's "differences" as information, not rejection


Why understanding your blend can take you out of the blame cycle and into actual change

Whether you've been together six months or sixteen years, this episode gives you a whole new lens for understanding why you want what you want, and why your partner wants what they want. Less guessing. Less misreading. A lot more clarity.

✨ Want to know your sex personality type? Take our free quiz here → https://vmtherapy.com/sex-personality-type

🕯️ Want more connection, intimacy, and spark in your relationship every single month?

The Spark is our $9/month subscription designed to keep the fun, curiosity, and closeness alive in your relationship.


Fresh intimacy prompts, date ideas, and conversation starters delivered monthly


Designed for real couples with real lives (not just the honeymoon phase)


Easy to fit in, impossible to ignore


Only $9/month, less than a latte and way better for your relationship

👉🏻 Check out The Spark here: https://buy.vmtherapy.com/the-spark?utm_term=podcast

💛 Stay Connected

📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander

💌 Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe

🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!

==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
==========================
👏Thanks Quince. Refresh your everyday with luxury you'll actually use. Free Shipping on your order and 365-day returns. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow
👏Thanks Birch. We want all our listeners to enjoy a deep, restful night's sleep with a new mattress from Birch and get 27% off. ➡︎https://birchliving.com/PILLOWTALKS
👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first order of premium, wild-caught seafood. Get seafood you can trust. ➡︎http://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW
👏Thanks Cure. Staying hydrated isn't just about water - you also need electrolytes. That's why we love Cure. It's clean and tastes great! Real ingredients. Real hydration. You can grab Cure on Amazon or find a store near you. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOW

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The response to our first episode on penis performance problems was so big that we knew we had to come back for round two.

In this episode, we're getting into the practical stuff: what to do in the moment when things aren't going as planned, how to keep your sex life feeling connected and fun even when performance issues are in the mix, and how both partners can show up for each other without making everything weird.

💛 In this episode, you'll hear:


Whether you need to tell your wife you're taking ED meds


How to get out of your head before sex when PE anxiety is already spiraling


Practical tricks for lasting longer — specific, usable techniques that actually help


How to bring spontaneity back when Viagra has a 30-minute waiting period — because yes, this is fixable


How to bring up a performance issue with a partner who doesn't seem to notice it — the conversation you've been avoiding, made easier


What to do when he loses his erection mid-sex


When it's time to bring in a doctor — because sometimes the answer really is medical

If you or your partner have ever felt alone in navigating this stuff, this episode is proof that you're not.

🔗 LINKS & RESOURCES

We've put together a guide that goes even deeper into everything we talked about today. The Modern Man's Guide to Conquering Performance Pressure is a step-by-step resource built from Vanessa's years of sex therapy practice — real tools, real techniques, zero fluff.


Strategies for erectile difficulties, early ejaculation, and delayed ejaculation


Exercises you can use on your own and in the moment with a partner


A whole chapter for partners — because this is a team sport


Practical and shame-free from start to finish

👉🏻 Check out The Modern Man's Guide here: vmtherapy.com/modernman

💛 STAY CONNECTED

📸 Follow us on Instagram →

https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander

💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame →

https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe

🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!

If you're enjoying Pillow Talks, subscribing and leaving a review makes a huge difference — it helps more people find the show and actually improve their sex lives. We appreciate every single one.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

For a lot of women, orgasm feels like this mysterious thing that either happens or it doesn't. Nobody taught you how. And somewhere along the way, you picked up the idea that your pleasure is complicated, too demanding, or just... less important.

But here's what we want you to hear: that's NOT true.

In this episode, we reframe the whole conversation, asking what it would look like if women approached their own pleasure with the same expectation men do. No apology, no overthinking, no putting everyone else first.

💛 In this episode, you'll hear:


The mental blocks that pull women out of the moment, from body distraction and to-do list thinking to feeling awkward or selfish for focusing on your own pleasure at all.


The technique gaps no one ever filled in, including what to do if you've never had an orgasm, if you can only get there through oral, or you can get there on your own but not with a partner.


The relational stuff that makes it even harder — worrying about how you smell or taste, not knowing how to redirect a partner without hurting his feelings, and the faking cycle that's been going on so long you don't even know how to stop.


How to think like a man during sex and what it would actually mean for a woman to show up to her pleasure with that same sense of entitlement (in the best possible way).


What the path forward actually looks like, whether you're starting from zero or expanding what's already working, both solo and with a partner.

If you've ever felt like your orgasm is the last priority, this one is for you.

🔗 LINKS & RESOURCES

Finishing School is Vanessa's step-by-step system for learning how to orgasm consistently, reliably, and in more ways than you might think possible.

It's been completely rebuilt around the three blocks covered in this episode: Mindset, Technique, and Partnership.


Work through the mental and emotional blocks keeping you stuck in your head


Learn The Finishing Formula and the specific techniques most likely to get you there


Built to meet you exactly where you are, with a 30-day money-back guarantee

👉🏻 Check out Finishing School here: vmtherapy.com/orgasm

💛 STAY CONNECTED

📸 Follow us on Instagram →

https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander

💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame →

https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe

🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!

If you're enjoying Pillow Talks, subscribing and leaving a review makes a huge difference — it helps more people find the show and actually improve their sex lives. We appreciate every single one.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices