The Look & Sound of Leadership

Two leaders in a long-running feud both want the fighting to stop but cannot find their way to peace. Their coach gives them each homework to quiet the ill intent they ascribe to the other, allowing respect to emerge.
It’s hard to stop fighting with a person who feels like sour milk.

Tom’s three steps to help stop a fight are:
Self-awareness – how are you contributing to keeping the fight going
Choose a different mindset – stop justifying your anger
Self-Management – choose new behavior

If you want to work on SELF-AWARENESS, you might listen to:
# 204 Blind Spots
# 209 How to Build Self-Awareness
# 103 Self-Awareness & Self-Management
# 190 Thinking Errors

If you want to more tools to STOP FIGHTING, you might listen to:
# 221 Conflict
# 222 The Conflict Conversation
# 235 The Conflict Resolution Wheel
# 189 “Don’t Take Anything Personally”
# 260 How to Guarantee Psychological Safety

If you’re curious about coaching, reach out to Tom here.

Our monthly email always has additional resources. 

A transcript of the episode is here.

It’s always wonderful to hear from you. Thanks for being such a great audience. 

Everyone here at The Look & Sound of Leadership is enormously grateful for you!

Until next month, be well!

A highly effective leader finds herself in the middle of a terrible mess, not of her own making. When her coach marvels at her ability to stay calm amidst the chaos, she shares a lesson she learned from her dad.

Tools and concepts in this episode:
“People are doing their best” embodies acceptance, and acceptance creates better outcomes.

Quiet cycles of doubt by:
Clarify what exactly are you upset about;
Identify what you feel about having those feelings;
Decide what action you want to take.
Listen to the stories you tell yourself. If you hear villains and victims, are most likely ascribing bad intent. Don’t make up stories that create adversaries.

In addition to the tools discussed during this episode, Tom also talks about:
“Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High.”
Conversations with Coaches – Episode #184
Executive Coaching Special Interest Group
The Feeling Word Grid

This episode is tagged in three categories in the Podcast Library:
Managing Yourself
Perception – How You Perceive Yourself
Self-Talk

Five episodes to help you command a room:
109 - Building Emotional Intelligence
246 - Coaching versus Therapy
152 - Combating Emotional Hijacks
189 - “Don’t Take Anything Personally”
263 - Leading When Ego at the Top is Unchecked

All our free infographics are in the Essential Tools bin.

Your reviews supporting the show help us continue as an ad-free podcast. 

Let us know how we can support you.
Until next month, be well!
Thanks from Tom and The Look & Sound of Leadership team.

A chief officer reflects on the burdens of senior leadership. While grateful for its privileges, he’s keenly aware his title can put up barriers between himself and others. 

Typical burdens of leadership:
People put up barriers because of your power;
You are a public figure and will get judged, often harshly;
You are always on display;
Feeling entitled because of your heavy lifting.

Tom suggests three tips to help you manage your power:
Get conscious about your power;
Share selectively;
Be humble.

Resources for humilty:
Humility as Strength
Humble Inquiry

If you’re like Michelle and feel yourself being star struck in the face of corporate celebrity, these episodes might help:
252 - How to Build Self-Esteem
219 - How to Set Boundaries
241 - Conquering People Pleasing

JOIN US FOR DINNER!
Tuesday, September 1, 2026, Irvine, California.
Join Tom and Coaching for Leaders host Dave Stachowiak for a lively gathering. 
Find out more and reserve your space here.

Got questions? Shoot Tom an email here.

Sign up for our monthly resources here. 

Want to explore Leadership & Power?

Related Library Categories:
Leadership
Managing Yourself
Perception – How You’re Perceived

Related Episodes
189 - “Don’t Take Anything Personally” 
128 - The Honorable Executive
252 - How to Build Self-Esteem
210 - How to Grow Your Self-Management
231 - Staying Afloat in a Shitstorm

A transcript of this month’s episode is here. 

Thanks for being in touch!

All of us here at The Look & Sound of Leadership are grateful for you!

With her company on the brink of disaster, a leader hungrily tackles the art of delegation, learning three models on the way. 
The episode frames delegation as being primarily about getting your people ready.

To get people ready, screen each delegated task against three filters:
Skills & Will – do people need training or coaching?
Control – who has it and how much?
Measurement – what is each person’s responsibility?

Our latest Tool has all three filters. Download it for free here. 

Want to strengthen your ability to talk with people about their growth and development? Listen to these episodes:
#262 – How to Grow Your People – December 2025
#212 – How to Coach Your People – October 2021
#132 – Coaching Your People – April 2015

Ready to try the Responsibility Charting exercise with your team?
Listen to the episode here.  
Download the Charting tool here.     

Curious about coaching? Reach out to Tom here.

Our monthly email always has additional resources. 
Related Library Categories:
Leadership
Management Skills
Communication Skills

Related Episodes
132 - Coaching Your People
119 - Creating Devoted Followers
254 How to Talk so People Understand You 
155 - The Human Element
123 - Leadership Through Delegation

A transcript of the episode is here. 

We love hearing from you. You are the BEST AUDIENCE! 

The whole The Look & Sound of Leadership crew are grateful for you!

A chief officer finds himself repeatedly triggered by a peer. Afraid he’s going to say or do something he’ll regret, he asks his coach for tools.

Three categories of self-regulation tools:
Physical
Internal
External

A visual tool with specific tools in each category is in our Tool bin. 
Ready for coaching? Reach out to Tom here.
There are always more resources in our monthly email. 

Hear Tom’s most recent conversation on the Beyond Potential podcast here. 
Related Library Categories:
Managing Yourself
Perception – How You Perceive Yourself
Self-Talk

Related Episodes
216 - 7 Steps to Stop Emotional Hijacks
109 - Building Emotional Intelligence
22 - Negative Self-Talk
171 - Taming the Wild Child – one of my favorites
96 - The Many Parts of You

A transcript of the episode is here. 

Thanks for your engagement. We love hearing from you. You all are great! 

All of us at The Look & Sound of Leadership, are grateful for you!